My ex told me he's not attracted to me - feeling extremely depressed

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Anonymous #1
#1
Report Thread starter 3 years ago
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I have never been so hurt in my life. I feel extremely upset and have been crying non stop. I am still hopelessly in love with this guy that I dated sometime last year. We've had moments where we've stopped talking and moments where we've started talking again. So today I messaged him because I miss him, and his next reply literally made my heart sink. He said "I'm not attracted to you". I was so shocked and my head was spinning.

I asked him "Why?" and he said "Just not, sorry". I was so confused because this is the same guy that was chasing after me, begging for my number, got me flowers, was super affectionate with me and all over me when we first met. He was always complimenting me and calling me very pretty, beautiful, sexy etc. Others said he was so into me and he told me he couldn't stop thinking about me.

Then he made me come see him in the middle of the night once because he said he felt lonely. I first objected but then felt bad so went to see him. We ended up sleeping together. After that we had a big argument, where he got upset because I didn't answer his phone call then when I rang him he said he doesn't want to talk on the phone? I pointed out the hypocrisy and unfairness of it and in a moment of anger, told him to forget and delete me. He replied 'You know what I was really going to try for you but cool'.

After a while I started missing him and tried to get in contact but he ignored me. He eventually caved in and we started talking again. He told me I said some things to him that he could forgive but couldn't forget, that he thought I was the one. In another argument we had before this I called him manipulative and emotionally blackmailing (he threatened to delete me if I didn't come visit him one time though I told him I was in pain, he said he would make me feel better). I also called him a misogynist after he said 'typical female' when I pointed out his hypocrisy & double standards.

He said there were things I had said and done that put him off me. I can get a bit mouthy if I feel wronged so I called him a ********, *******, fboy etc. but they weren't unwarranted. I did apologise profusely though.

He then told me he met someone else, but came running back to me and I told him sorry I've moved on (I had met someone too). Well that fell through and I started missing him so we talked again, until I heard news a childhood friend passed away and asked him at 3 that I was crying and if I could speak to him on the phone. He told me to go away I said don't you care he said no. I told him you are evil.

After that some of my friends started sending him texts cussing him out and calling him an ******* etc. We started talking again until he asked me for nudes and not to message him until he asked me again, I told him you are a douche and need to respect women more, I'm not your sex slave or pet. We stopped speaking then I messaged him today, that's when he told me he's not attracted to me. He also said this to my friend. When I asked him so why did you do all of that if you didn't find me attractive, or sleep with me etc. he says 'because I just wanted p***y', which stabbed me deep. I'm not an ugly girl I get decent male attention and I don't get why he was so romantic and all over me in the beginning if he wasn't attracted to me. It doesn't make sense. Why would he do all of that if it was the case? He's a handsome guy can easily get girls, so this came as a shock. I'm so confused and hurt. I feel like I want to end my life.
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trapking
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#2
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(Original post by Anonymous)
.
Firstly he's trying to move on and you're not helping him or yourself by messaging him. It's high time you moved on and stopped this.

I wouldn't take what he said to heart and even if he doesn't find you attractive anymore so what? He isn't the only guy out there and I'm certain you will meet someone who will appreciate you for you. So chin up and wipe those tears
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ferg20
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He got what he wanted, then moved on, simple as that. Sorry, it's blunt but true.

"Then he made me come see him in the middle of the night once because he said he felt lonely" - this is the first of many F*ing big red lights...I already knew what you'd say next about sex, just after reading that.

People are *****, they will lie and manipulate you, this stinks of that through and through. He was attracted to you, for sex, got what he wanted and then moved onto someone else- your last sentence about his good looks etc is exactly why he can afford to do that. You won't be the first person he f*cks around with.

I think you may be too trustworthy/naive, which hopefully will change with experience/age. There's plenty of stuff you said which stands out to me as being warnings to get the f*ck away from him. I hope maybe this experience will allow you to see this sort of stuff in future, and prevent this from happening again. That sounds super harsh but it's really important. You need to be able to detect these people.
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username1837067
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He sounds really really ridiculously immature. Like so immature.
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cookieesxo
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(Original post by banoffeee)
He sounds really really ridiculously immature. Like so immature.
why
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Tiger Rag
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Move on. Can't understand why you'd message him. Surely, he'd your ex for a reason?
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by Tiger Rag)
Move on. Can't understand why you'd message him. Surely, he'd your ex for a reason?
I missed him
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kaylababesxx
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it sounds like he just used u for sex so u shouldnt bother talking to him anymore
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username2950308
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I'm afraid that real relationships don't contain all this arguing and drama, or demands to rock up in the night or send nudes. You need to forget about him. You also do not seem to be in control of your emotions at all, have you thought about counselling? I really think it would help or you may start a pattern of unhealthy relationships and ultimately be unhappy.


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Anonymous #1
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I don't understand
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username2950308
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(Original post by Anonymous)
I don't understand
Well, for example you make big statements like 'never been so hurt in my life', 'crying non stop' and 'I feel like I want to end my life'. You say that in a moment of anger you told him to delete you, and you've called him all sorts of names - it's just not adult behaviour. You also seem surprised that he is no longer interested after all this and seem to think that this dysfunctional relationship could somehow work. None of this is normal.

I think you should go to your GP about your emotional responses and ask if you can have CBT. It will help you with how you think about things and react to them. And hopefully with some fresh perspective you will be able to meet someone who treats you nicely and have a successful relationship with them.


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sandysofia
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I'm sorry you feel that way and I'm sorry to tell you this but let him go. Your relationship is very dramatic and toxic, it's like you both are trying to keep score on who hurts the other most. No real and healthy relationship is like that and you don't deserve it either. Use that as a lesson to get better, grow and move on. I'm sure the right person is out there for you. And trust me, I've been in the same exact place you were and I received the same advice and it was the right thing to do. When you let him go you will feel so much lighter, so much better.
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Carla12345678910
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I had a boyfriend who also told me he was never attracted to me and never loved me. He strung me along for 7 years and was my best friend. I thought I was going to marry him one day and that he was my soulmate because he literally made those promises all the time. But then again, never really made an effort to talk after he moved overseas. I didn’t want to notice it because I love him and so much. I took so much **** and I never gave my own opinion, despite the fact that I knew it wasn’t fair. I wish I had your courage and stood up for myself. I know how much it hurts. I also just wanna say it’s not your fault. I think things got really messy and toxic. I think he was in the wrong though, because he was out to hurt you after a while and everything you said was only in anger and you did apologise. I know as a woman what it feels like to constantly apologise for things that the man does exactly the same for. I also wanna say it will hurt for a while. The best advice I can give would be to pour your heart out into one final sms or whatsapp telling him how and why he hurt you and do not say sorry (unless you feel really guilty about something), then say goodbye forever and tell him he didn’t deserve you and you will move on with your life and be happy because he won’t be there to hurt you anymore. I believe in you. It will take time to write it and even more to send it. If you’re like me, you’ll most likely only find the courage after two years after a drunk binge when a new person I had been seeing dumped me without warning in a parking lot, and I was so mad I essentially told him and my first ex off. It’s not easy but I promise you, once you make sure there is no contact, and you let go completely, it feels much better and things will get better over time. I am at this point much happier with myself than in a false and unhappy relationship, I am thriving, and Not that it makes my life worthy alone but also currently seeing Someone who adores me and treats me with respect and listens to all my opinions. You can do anything! Thanks for sharing your story! I don’t feel so alone in my experiences after reading yours and it makes my heart and mind that sometimes wonder remember and then know I’m not the only one who feels this way.
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Anonymous #3
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(Original post by username2950308)
Well, for example you make big statements like 'never been so hurt in my life', 'crying non stop' and 'I feel like I want to end my life'. You say that in a moment of anger you told him to delete you, and you've called him all sorts of names - it's just not adult behaviour. You also seem surprised that he is no longer interested after all this and seem to think that this dysfunctional relationship could somehow work. None of this is normal.

I think you should go to your GP about your emotional responses and ask if you can have CBT. It will help you with how you think about things and react to them. And hopefully with some fresh perspective you will be able to meet someone who treats you nicely and have a successful relationship with them.


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