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Please can I have your opinion on this boyfriend situation... watch

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    (Original post by ruthiepoothie)
    we have been going out for 4.5 years so surely he should know that i wouldn't cheat on him- or even think about it...
    surely i wouldn't have told him about it if it was dodgy???
    i have told him that in future i won't meet up with a bloke on their own, but try and organise a group outing and have apologised for upsetting him, what more can i do? i can't undo the drink with my friend
    You can't undo it, you are right. However just because he has got this way does not mean he does not care alot about you and trust you. It is probably that when you met your friend before with your bf, your friend did something your bf didn't like. If that makes sense. He probably trusts you but does not trust your friend not to do something.
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    (Original post by musicboy)
    You need to tell him that this is horrible for you.

    MB
    i have and he won't change...
    he says maybe he will come out with my new uni friends that i make but only maybe....
    i really want him involved but he just doesn't want to be
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    (Original post by ruthiepoothie)
    i would prefer it if my bf was there- but he refuses to come out with me and my friends, any of them, and doesn't like me coming out with his
    That's very odd. You both should go out with each others friends. Your friends are part of you and his are part of him.
    - thats the only reason it was when he wasn't free- cos thats the agreement that we have, we will see our friends when the other is busy so when we are both free we can spend time together
    That doesn't sound too healthy. I think you should have a big party and invite all your friends (and his of course!), then they can get to know each other and you and your bf will probably get to know each other a bit better through talking to the friends about each other!!
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    (Original post by ruthiepoothie)
    i have and he won't change...
    he says maybe he will come out with my new uni friends that i make but only maybe....
    i really want him involved but he just doesn't want to be
    I know you shouldn't have to (as you are completely in the right) but maybe just forgive him this time because he is probably really stressed about results. You should talk to him about it after tomorrow.

    MB
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    (Original post by SciFi25)
    You can't undo it, you are right. However just because he has got this way does not mean he does not care alot about you and trust you. It is probably that when you met your friend before with your bf, your friend did something your bf didn't like. If that makes sense. He probably trusts you but does not trust your friend not to do something.
    when i met my friend b4 my bf wasn't there- it was just me and my friend....that's what i mean by my bf didn't say anything about it then so i thought he was fine with it....obviously not.
    i suppose it is probably my friend he doesn't trust.....
    but i have told him that i didn't purposefully do it to upset him and wouldn't have met up with my friend if i'd know he would be so upset- but he won't try and comprimise by getting to know my friends or anything...
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    (Original post by Amb1)
    That's very odd. You both should go out with each others friends. Your friends are part of you and his are part of him.That doesn't sound too healthy. I think you should have a big party and invite all your friends (and his of course!), then they can get to know each other and you and your bf will probably get to know each other a bit better through talking to the friends about each other!!
    that sounds like a good idea!!
    but i don't think he'd be up for it...
    i don't know....its all a mess
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    (Original post by ruthiepoothie)
    wouldn't have met up with my friend if i'd know he would be so upset
    If i were you I wouldn't have even given him that.

    MB
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    (Original post by musicboy)
    I know you shouldn't have to (as you are completely in the right) but maybe just forgive him this time because he is probably really stressed about results. You should talk to him about it after tomorrow.

    MB
    thats what i'm thinking...so i will try and see him today and make up with him cos i don't want him to go through 2 moz on his own
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    (Original post by musicboy)
    If i were you I wouldn't have even given him that.

    MB
    but i really didn't want to upset him.....
    i don't know- do you think my bf is right?
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    (Original post by Amb1)
    That's very odd. You both should go out with each others friends. Your friends are part of you and his are part of him.That doesn't sound too healthy. I think you should have a big party and invite all your friends (and his of course!), then they can get to know each other and you and your bf will probably get to know each other a bit better through talking to the friends about each other!!
    i know its odd- but its always been like that- i don't like it and he knows but he won't comprimise
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    (Original post by ruthiepoothie)
    when i met my friend b4 my bf wasn't there- it was just me and my friend....that's what i mean by my bf didn't say anything about it then so i thought he was fine with it....obviously not.
    i suppose it is probably my friend he doesn't trust.....
    but i have told him that i didn't purposefully do it to upset him and wouldn't have met up with my friend if i'd know he would be so upset- but he won't try and comprimise by getting to know my friends or anything...
    He can't have it both ways and he can't keep you all to himself. He knows that you're attractive to other men and seems a bit insecure - he's scared if he 'lets' you go out and meet people you might meet someone you like even better than him. When in fact it's the other way around. The more he tries to control you, the more likely you are to up and leave with a guy who's less controlling!
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    (Original post by ruthiepoothie)
    when i met my friend b4 my bf wasn't there- it was just me and my friend....that's what i mean by my bf didn't say anything about it then so i thought he was fine with it....obviously not.
    i suppose it is probably my friend he doesn't trust.....
    but i have told him that i didn't purposefully do it to upset him and wouldn't have met up with my friend if i'd know he would be so upset- but he won't try and comprimise by getting to know my friends or anything...
    He is just very protective. Some guys get like that, I know I do. It is not worth falling out over but let him calm down about this then talk to him about having a quick drink with your mates. If he really won't be reasonable maybe you should put your relationship on the line. Its not worth becoming a recluse for your bf, no matter how much you love him.
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    (Original post by Amb1)
    He can't have it both ways and he can't keep you all to himself. He knows that you're attractive to other men and seems a bit insecure - he's scared if he 'lets' you go out and meet people you might meet someone you like even better than him. When in fact it's the other way around. The more he tries to control you, the more likely you are to up and leave with a guy who's less controlling!
    but i don't want anyone else.....
    i just want him, with a few comprimises...
    but i see what you mean, he is actually driving me away cos its mucking up our realtionship...not that i'm looking for anyone else cos i just want to sort things out with him
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    (Original post by ruthiepoothie)
    but i really didn't want to upset him.....
    i don't know- do you think my bf is right?
    Of course he's not right. It is perfectly okay for you to see your friends and you shouldn't expect to be guilt-tripped by him afterwards. It sounds like you need to reclaim some of the control over your relationship.

    MB
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    (Original post by SciFi25)
    He is just very protective. Some guys get like that, I know I do. It is not worth falling out over but let him calm down about this then talk to him about having a quick drink with your mates. If he really won't be reasonable maybe you should put your relationship on the line. Its not worth becoming a recluse for your bf, no matter how much you love him.
    but maybe i should just learn to put up with it??
    i just wish that we could all go out together- my friends and my bf.....
    but he won't
    i don't want to throw away 4.5 years
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    (Original post by ruthiepoothie)
    i know its odd- but its always been like that- i don't like it and he knows but he won't comprimise
    I think it's make or break time - especially as you're off to uni. It'll be horrible but I think you need to have a "where are we going" conversation. Get all the stuff that ps you off about your relationship out in the open and make a decision togehter about whether you want to carry on as it is or let it go. As you have been together a while, hopefully you will decide to stick together - but you must agree to really try and actively resolve the big probs.
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    Sometimes the personal sacrifice is too much in a relationship and it just can't work. (And, yes, maybe I do sound pessimistic).

    Though for some people it's worth it just to work at it and change things, I can't imagine things changing rapidly but, that's the nature of such things
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    (Original post by ruthiepoothie)
    but maybe i should just learn to put up with it??
    No! you must not put up with it. You can't be in a relationship where your happiness is sacrificed for his. Whatever happenned to feminism?

    MB
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    (Original post by musicboy)
    No! you must not put up with it. You can't be in a relationship where your happiness is sacrificed for his. Whatever happenned to feminism?

    MB
    but i don't want us to break up, i love him
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    (Original post by ruthiepoothie)
    but maybe i should just learn to put up with it??
    i just wish that we could all go out together- my friends and my bf.....
    but he won't
    i don't want to throw away 4.5 years
    You don't want to throw away 4.5 years - but do you want to continue with a relationship / possibly get married and spend your life with him if you can never go out together with your / his friends? Yes compromises are necessary in relationships but you should still stay close to your own views and standards. If you 'learn to put up with it' and carry on, he has made no effort what so ever - that isn't a compromise.
 
 
 
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