Long distance relationship break up - I don't know what to do anymore?

hey!

I'm a 18 y/o male, who just came out of a 10 month long distance relationship. I have gone through a lot in my life, depression & child abuse so it wasn't easy for me. I met a girl online, and we immediately set it off and fell for each other, we both opened up and we found out we've both been through similar experiences in our life which is what brought us closer together. We fell in love, during the 10 months we saw each other 8 times in person, but even then we had routines we normally would text everyday have face time calls 1/2 times a week.

In the 10 month period, we have 1 major argument where we nearly did break up it was rough and hard but we did get through it in the end and I felt this made us even stronger together. The past week we just have been busy so we haven't spoken as much as we do (a few texts per day) she got a job and exams are coming up for both of us. I noticed this and said that we needed to talk about it to see what's going on, and we had the talk where she's saying that she still feels hurt and doesn't feel happy right now because of the distance and the fact it's just too much even though she loves me. She ended up saying that she needs to take a break and let herself heal up, spend some times with her friends and family and herself (her parents are moving house this year down to the south so she won't see her friends again that she's known since she was child) and she would get back with me for university (we're both going same university in September) I completely understand this but I just feel so alone and empty without her I can genuinely just feel sick in my stomach, but she said it's not like she doesn't want to talk, she still doesn't mind us talking but not as a couple and I'm not sure how to do that tbh since I always spoke to her as if I love her but either way, we was speaking for a few hours about everything else and she was taking longer to reply (I guess I've lost the privileged of receiving quick replies etc..) and I said night, but she just opened it and didn't reply. I feel like even though she says she needs time and she promised me she would be with me for university I feel like I've lost her.

I just don't know how to cope with this, it's just a break about 3/4 it seems but It feels like a break up and I know it's only been a few hours since but I just feel so empty and confused with what to do?

This all probably just sounds stupid but I guess if anything it feels good just releasing it.

Thank you.

Reply 1

sz17

I hope that it has helped clear your mind posting it all. Im 21 male and just from personal experience (and some say different) mixing going on a break with going to uni/a lot of exams coming up AND a long distance relationship will rarely work.

If she (or yourself) cant cope with it now, how could you cope with the experience of moving to a new city (potentially) and uni, and having completely new life experiences and meeting new people etc? It sounds like you really care for her, but sometimes it is better to let someone go. As you may be holding her back, and even more importantly yourself back without even realising.

Most importantly if you make a decision make sure it is as logical as possible, as in don't do it when your in a mood with her, or when your around her in person when you are feeling all loved up. Make a decision when you are thinking clearly.

Also the first few months you are single (if you do become it) it will hurt a lot. But trust me when I say if you stay positive and continue doing what your passionate about what you do or on your purpose you will be a happy guy in the long run!

If you need to chat just message me. Hope this helps

Reply 2

Anonymous #1

I completely understand what you're saying, but I believe that she may genuinely need the break because she still wants to see me on our anniversary coming up at the end of may + both of our birthdays in July. What I took from it is that she actually does want to continue with me but she's just needs time?

Reply 3

vausebi

I'd say just continue with things as they are for another couple of weeks, it may just be that she's struggling to balance her time with work, friends/family, exams and you. As you mentioned yourself, it's not been that long since this has been happening so it wouldn't be ideal to jump to conclusions.

See how things go, as I'm sure she'll still talk to you (even if it's just a couple quick texts or a call every so often) however if it gets to the point where you're certain she's over you/wants to break up, talk to her. Express your concerns over this relationship, and then evaluate what your options are after she's explained her side of the story.

It's obvious you love her immensely, but maybe this might not be such a bad thing as it'll give you an opportunity to focus on yourself a bit more too. LDR is never easy and there may be many more instances where you could feel like this, but as long as you both maintain a good sense of communication, you can get through it!

Reply 4

sz17

I second a lot of what Vausebi is saying, I'm giving the more negative side/harsh reality side just cause of personal experience. It's good to look st both perspectives.

In general do what makes you happy in the long run. Just make sure you try and keep your life going as best you can while all of this is going on, and know whatever happens you will be ok :smile:

Let us know how it goes

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Reply 5

username1842595

Haha, funnily enough me and my ex boyfriend went through the same thing. Eventually we broke up today and I suggest you move on too. It never really gets better.

Long distance relationship break up - I don't know what to do anymore?

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