Boyfriends Mum

Please keep this post anonymous as my boyfriend sometimes comes on here and I don't want him to see this!

Basically my boyfriend is 18, and we'e been together for 2 years, but theres one big problem - his mum! Last week he came round, and I dropped him off home just before 10, and she went crazy at him because apprantly it was too late! Then I asked if we could do something next week, and he was like i don't know i'll have to ask my mum. It's always like this. When we first got together he was 16 so I thought well she can still have a big say and everything, but now he's 18 i'm finding it ridiculous. I know it's his mum and stuff but he's 18 and he has his own life surely? I thought things might change but they haven't over all this time. I have mentioned it to him, but it's hard to because it's his mum so i don't want to offend him, and he doesn't see it as such a big deal anyway. Am I overreacting? Any advice?

Reply 1

tehjonny

8

He is 18 and has to be home before 10...

If he won't stand up to his mother I'm not sure what you can do tbh, you risk hurting him if you're too forceful about it, but you risk your relationship suffering if you don't say something.

Tact is the key probably, but that is easier said than done. Good luck :smile:

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Reply 2

Anonymous #1

OP

Yeah, I know. Sometimes she's fine if he comes in at like 11, but other times she just flips out, like the other day.

Reply 3

Goodkat

I think he needs to sit down and have a firm talk with his mother to be honest. Expecting him to come in before 10 when he is 18 is ridiculous. I'm 18 and I simply use my house as somewhere to live, my parents don't really question where I am going or what I am doing because they know I'm independent. When you are 18 you should be able to make your own decisions, it is your life after all.

Reply 4

tehjonny

8

Anonymous

Yeah, I know. Sometimes she's fine if he comes in at like 11, but other times she just flips out, like the other day.

Weird...I imagine she takes out her frustrations on him, e.g. if she has had a good day it won't be so much of an issue.

If you don't mind me asking, is his dad about?

Reply 5

Anonymous #1

OP

Yeah his dad is about, his parents are still together. His mum is the one who wears the trousers in the relationship though. Also, if we want to go away for the weekend, we have to clear it with her, like where we're going and stuff and she has to plan the journey and everything for us! We can't just tell her we're doing something, he has to ask for her permission.

Reply 6

Goodkat

Anonymous

Yeah his dad is about, his parents are still together. His mum is the one who wears the trousers in the relationship though. Also, if we want to go away for the weekend, we have to clear it with her, like where we're going and stuff and she has to plan the journey and everything for us! We can't just tell her we're doing something, he has to ask for her permission.

Can he not just like erm, grow a pair, and tell her it's his life and if he doesn't want to consult her she should keep her nose out?

Reply 7

tehjonny

8

Anonymous

Yeah his dad is about, his parents are still together. His mum is the one who wears the trousers in the relationship though. Also, if we want to go away for the weekend, we have to clear it with her, like where we're going and stuff and she has to plan the journey and everything for us! We can't just tell her we're doing something, he has to ask for her permission.

Usually a father has this calming affect of 'he is just a lad' :frown:

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It doesn't sound like he is ready to confront her tbh.

Reply 8

Empyreal Rhapsody

8

I'm sorry to say this, but it sounds as though you're either gonna have to put up with this or end the relationship, as it appears that his mum is a psycho control freak and that he doesn't have the stones to confront her.

You could try reasoning with your boyfriend that eventually he is going to have to stand up to his mother if he wants to enjoy a healthy, rewarding, long-term relationship, as if she's still like this when he's 18(!), then she's very unlikely to relent any later in life, so he may as well do it now rather than later.

Good luck.

Reply 9

Teao the Cat

17

I'm 18, and I have to be in before dark. Needless to say, my stepmother doesn't like my boyfriend. She thinks he is of a 'lower social class'... oh, and he has small eyes. She seems to find this important... as long as I don't mind his eyes, why should she? I'm the one going out with him... but anyway, if you really like him, then see if you hold it out for a little longer to see if it gets better...

Reply 10

Anonymous #1

OP

I'm gonna try and mention it again I think. I mean we've touched briefly on it when i got annoyed because he couldn't answer whether he could see me or not! But it's just getting way out of hand now :frown:

Reply 11

Goodkat

Anonymous

I'm gonna try and mention it again I think. I mean we've touched briefly on it when i got annoyed because he couldn't answer whether he could see me or not! But it's just getting way out of hand now :frown:

Tell him to grow a pair and realise his mother can't run his life all the time. In a nice way though :wink:

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Reply 12

tbtommyb

11

I know this is totally irrelevant, sorry, but why do people always say "please keep this anonymous because xxxx comes on here sometimes"? Do people actually de-anon threads?

Reply 13

Goodkat

tbtommyb

I know this is totally irrelevant, sorry, but why do people always say "please keep this anonymous because xxxx comes on here sometimes"? Do people actually de-anon threads?

Yeah, mods do sometimes.

Reply 14

lea164

talking from experience, he needs to realise that his mum is too controlling and sort it out for himself. You can keep on telling him but until he realises nothing will get done about it.

Reply 15

randomgirl

14

Suggest to him that perhaps he should have a word with his mum and see if they can be a bit more leniant with him seeing as he is 18. Although if your boyfriend is happy with his mums rules, he might not want to do this.

Reply 16

Wangers

16

Is he Asian? They have an ingrained respect culture for the 'rents, which might make things more difficult. He needs to point out that he does need freedom to grow as a person and that she might cut the aproan strings.

Reply 17

hippieglitter

19

A curfew of before 10 at 18 is rediculous, mine was 10:30 when i was 17 but it was dropped completely when i turned 18. He may think he has to ask her and all because he still lives under her roof and so still has to abide by her rules. I'm 20 and perfectly capable of looking after myself but when i'm at home in the holidays i still have to tell my mum where i'm going, who i'm with and what time i'll be back and if she for example wants me home at certain time then i have to do that. Its the whole her house, her rules thing, or she could just be an overprotective mother, is he an only child or the youngest?

Reply 18

maag101

1

How old are you? If you are a lot older it might just be a protective thing.

Reply 19

tbtommyb

11

Goodkat

Yeah, mods do sometimes.

Really? Why?

Boyfriends Mum

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