Boyfriend going to a stag with strippers..

Hi everyone,
Just a bit of context. My boyfriend is 25, I'm 17 (please no comments and digs about the age gap, theres 17 years between my parents, its nothing major to us) and his friend is getting married next year. We've been together 7 months so not a really long time but we basically live together (he's only home a few nights a week, & when he was laid off from work he lived with me for a few months) and we're really close. We have a really open & honest relationship and can talk about stuff openly, and I've spoken about this to him but we can't come up with a solution.
In short, his friends stag do will more than likely involve strippers (the friend in question is really into that idea).
I don't like to admit this but this makes me feel insanely jealous and insecure, and I worry about him being attracted to these strippers, getting off over them, or whatever. Whatever it is I feel really off about it and when he told me I literally had to try and stop myself from crying over it in front of him, as I didn't want to make him feel bad. I've spoken to him about it and he said he can just go on his phone when it happens or leave the room. But he's easily peer pressured and after a few drinks / under the influence of his pushy friends, I said I don't think he'd be able to say no, and he actually upon thinking about it agreed. He's very dedicated and said he'd rather not go than it jeopardise our relationship, and I don't want that to happen: firstly I don't want to cause a rift between him and his friends and secondly who am I to control what he does? He's his own person & I totally respect that, it's just some things like this do really bother me.
Further, the friend in question is, in my eyes, a bit of a dick really. He's very patronising and makes fun of my boyfriend all the time for coming down to see me (he lives over an hour away and drives up every Friday after work to spend the weekend with me) etc etc, and so having a mature conversation with him (i.e my boyfriend going to talk to him about it) isn't an option either because he'd just poke fun at him or whatever.
I'm really stuck on what to do and honestly feel bad for feeling this way. Does anyone have any advice? Thank you! :smile:

Reply 1

Anonymous #2

Original post by Anonymous

Hi everyone,
Just a bit of context. My boyfriend is 25, I'm 17 (please no comments and digs about the age gap, theres 17 years between my parents, its nothing major to us) and his friend is getting married next year. We've been together 7 months so not a really long time but we basically live together (he's only home a few nights a week, & when he was laid off from work he lived with me for a few months) and we're really close. We have a really open & honest relationship and can talk about stuff openly, and I've spoken about this to him but we can't come up with a solution.
In short, his friends stag do will more than likely involve strippers (the friend in question is really into that idea).
I don't like to admit this but this makes me feel insanely jealous and insecure, and I worry about him being attracted to these strippers, getting off over them, or whatever. Whatever it is I feel really off about it and when he told me I literally had to try and stop myself from crying over it in front of him, as I didn't want to make him feel bad. I've spoken to him about it and he said he can just go on his phone when it happens or leave the room. But he's easily peer pressured and after a few drinks / under the influence of his pushy friends, I said I don't think he'd be able to say no, and he actually upon thinking about it agreed. He's very dedicated and said he'd rather not go than it jeopardise our relationship, and I don't want that to happen: firstly I don't want to cause a rift between him and his friends and secondly who am I to control what he does? He's his own person & I totally respect that, it's just some things like this do really bother me.
Further, the friend in question is, in my eyes, a bit of a dick really. He's very patronising and makes fun of my boyfriend all the time for coming down to see me (he lives over an hour away and drives up every Friday after work to spend the weekend with me) etc etc, and so having a mature conversation with him (i.e my boyfriend going to talk to him about it) isn't an option either because he'd just poke fun at him or whatever.
I'm really stuck on what to do and honestly feel bad for feeling this way. Does anyone have any advice? Thank you! :smile:

Yeh, I got some advice, go to sleep! :colonhash:

Reply 2

username1539513

21

Original post by Anonymous

Hi everyone,
Just a bit of context. My boyfriend is 25, I'm 17 (please no comments and digs about the age gap, theres 17 years between my parents, its nothing major to us) and his friend is getting married next year. We've been together 7 months so not a really long time but we basically live together (he's only home a few nights a week, & when he was laid off from work he lived with me for a few months) and we're really close. We have a really open & honest relationship and can talk about stuff openly, and I've spoken about this to him but we can't come up with a solution.
In short, his friends stag do will more than likely involve strippers (the friend in question is really into that idea).
I don't like to admit this but this makes me feel insanely jealous and insecure, and I worry about him being attracted to these strippers, getting off over them, or whatever. Whatever it is I feel really off about it and when he told me I literally had to try and stop myself from crying over it in front of him, as I didn't want to make him feel bad. I've spoken to him about it and he said he can just go on his phone when it happens or leave the room. But he's easily peer pressured and after a few drinks / under the influence of his pushy friends, I said I don't think he'd be able to say no, and he actually upon thinking about it agreed. He's very dedicated and said he'd rather not go than it jeopardise our relationship, and I don't want that to happen: firstly I don't want to cause a rift between him and his friends and secondly who am I to control what he does? He's his own person & I totally respect that, it's just some things like this do really bother me.
Further, the friend in question is, in my eyes, a bit of a dick really. He's very patronising and makes fun of my boyfriend all the time for coming down to see me (he lives over an hour away and drives up every Friday after work to spend the weekend with me) etc etc, and so having a mature conversation with him (i.e my boyfriend going to talk to him about it) isn't an option either because he'd just poke fun at him or whatever.
I'm really stuck on what to do and honestly feel bad for feeling this way. Does anyone have any advice? Thank you! :smile:

It sounds like you don't really trust your boyfriend, if you don't trust him then you shouldn't be in a relationship in the first place

Original post by Anonymous

Yeh, I got some advice, go to sleep! :colonhash:

Unhelpful

Reply 3

Yaboi

17

He already cheated, it's over.

Reply 4

Anonymous #1

OP

It's not that I don't trust him, it's that I'm uncomfortable of him being in the scenario full stop. I'd be lying if I said I wasn't insecure though.

Reply 5

David B

20

Your boyfriend seems understanding about your feelings on the matter. You don't do things that makes your partner feel uncomfortable, and this does, and its understandable why it does. He shouldn't go end of.

Reply 6

username3099438

16

Original post by kennygod

You whore, get a proper education instead of going out with an older man.

Don't call her that, but i agree the age gap is a bit much.

Reply 7

kennygod

Original post by feministy

Don't call her that, but i agree the age gap is a bit much.

What else is she, she's 17, still in college and living with a 25yo man WTF.

Reply 8

Anonymous #4

I think as his girlfriend you have every right to control what he does or have some input. My boyfriend most definitely wouldn't be going if it was that much of an issue to me but it is nice that he has said he wouldn't go as he doesn't want to jeopardise the relationship, this shows an awful lot about him as a boyfriend which is brilliant
As for his immature friends, they are probably just jealous and wouldn't do the same for their partners as he would for you
Overall I personally wouldn't let my boyfriend if i was as hurt as what you are over it, stand your ground :smile:

X

Reply 9

Elizabeth.Ward

stay away from the toxic friends

Reply 10

Anonymous #1

OP

Original post by kennygod

You whore, get a proper education instead of going out with an older man.

I'm studying for my A Levels and attending Oxford Univeristy to study English Literature and Language starting September. I'd call that being educated. But okay

Reply 11

bai_0308

Original post by kennygod

You whore, get a proper education instead of going out with an older man.

This is honestly really disrespectful. How do you know that she isn't already pursuing her education? Or how do you feel you have the space to insult someone you don't even know online?

Reply 12

Anonymous #1

OP

Original post by feministy

Don't call her that, but i agree the age gap is a bit much.

I don't think its fair tu judge the age gap. we're very similar in many ways and clicked instantly. As I said, theres 17 years between my parents so I don't see the issue. 7 years isn't that much if you think about it in the long run. We make each other happy so I don't see the problem & don't see why people should judge us? That isn't even what the post was meant to be about.

Reply 13

username3099438

16

Original post by kennygod

What else is she, she's 17, still in college and living with a 25yo man WTF.

If anything he's a paedophile, take it out on him

Reply 14

Anonymous #1

OP

Original post by bai_0308

This is honestly really disrespectful. How do you know that she isn't already pursuing her education? Or how do you feel you have the space to insult someone you don't even know online?

Thank you! He's incredibly supportive, I'm in my last year sixth form targeted A*A*A at my A Levels and got an offer from Oxford which I'm proud of, so I won't bow down to someone as sad as that who takes pleasure from insulting people lmao

Reply 15

Anonymous #1

OP

Original post by feministy

If anything he's a paedophile, take it out on him

He most certainly isn't a paedophile. This is incredibly rude & slanderous, its 7 years, get over yourself.

Reply 16

kennygod

Original post by feministy

If anything he's a paedophile, take it out on him

Yeah he is a paedophile lol, guess he's had enough of young girls and gone out to shag a real woman

Reply 17

Anonymous #1

OP

Original post by Anonymous

I think as his girlfriend you have every right to control what he does or have some input. My boyfriend most definitely wouldn't be going if it was that much of an issue to me but it is nice that he has said he wouldn't go as he doesn't want to jeopardise the relationship, this shows an awful lot about him as a boyfriend which is brilliant
As for his immature friends, they are probably just jealous and wouldn't do the same for their partners as he would for you
Overall I personally wouldn't let my boyfriend if i was as hurt as what you are over it, stand your ground :smile:

X

Thank you so much for being so kind about this!! It's definitely something I'm going to consider xx

Reply 18

bai_0308

Some of the "advice" people have been giving you doesn't seem very constructive. But coming from a girl who is a little older than you and also in university this is my experience-- if your boyfriend is hanging around guys who party and enjoy the company of strippers or whoever it may be, he probably is also too engaged with strippers. Is he going to choose them over you? Not necessarily. I think that it's going to come down to do you trust him to be in that environment and still be faithful? If he isn't willing to hear your side or at least assure you these girls aren't above you, then he's not worth your time anyways.