The Student Room Group

Boyfriend has gone to uni

well its been a week since my boyfriend of two years went to uni. went up with him on saturday and stayed the weekend. all week i have been crying. havent wanted to go see my counsellor, keep ringing and texting my boyfriend and i dont get anything back. i know why but its really hard.
he admitted the other night he hadn;t emailed me back because he didnt want to come with terms that i wasn;t there with him. its horrible. going to a party tonight and i dont want to go because he wont be there. its horrible.

sorry. just wondering if anyone else was in similar situation. any advice? or this could just be a thread where people can talk about feelings about their loved ones going to uni without you.


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Reply 1
my boyfriend moved away in june, and it was awful at the time. we'd never been apart for 2 years or so, so it was a big shock to the system.

but im off to uni now, and in the three months we've been apart, its odd how quickly we've adjusted. it'll take time but in a couple of months you two will get into a routine and you will cope fine. the time you will be together will e amazing.

the advice id give is talk everyday, either text, call, msn or skype. it will get easier. promise!
im in exactly the same situation, im so glad someone else feels the same! Ive been with him for over 2 years and he went on thurs, and now I feel so upset all of the time, i feel like somebody has chopped my arm off or something. Im going on sun but I feel so sick knowing how far he is away. we'll only be able to meet up every 2 or 3 weeks, after seein each other virtually every day. :frown: really hope this feeling goes. x
It will be a bit of a shock at first, but try not to text him too much, he needs to settle in. Least you can also look forward to the next time you do see him which will make the occassion more special.
Reply 4
yer HLouise it takes about 4 hours on the train. i cried all the way home. i think you'll be fine on the way up. i know its far, but think as soon as you get there, your boyfriend will meet you with open arms. for me its my heart thats gone, coz he has it. (cheesy i know but its true). and i will only see him every couple of months - coz it costs so much to see him. so seeing him october 25th. then i wont see him until he gets home for christmas.

this feeling will go away, its hard but as beckynewsome said it will. routine is the key lol, we'll make it. we're both determined to make it work.
im 4 hours away too, should cost about £40 but we've saved up together all year. yeah if you really try you will both be fine. good luck :smile: x
Reply 6
good luck to you too. you'll both be fine. xx:smile:
ironically, i was just about to start a post about this! i just got off the phone to my boyfriend who left last friday and i am so upset : (
his internet connection is down and he has hardly any signal so staying in contact is pretty hard.
i'm going to write him a letter though.
we've also been together for two years and when i've left will be about 5 hours away : (
i dont leave until next sunday so feeling very upset and alone without uni to help me think about other things. i might start packing early lol so that i keep myself busy.
it's really comforting hearing about others who are in the same position. it's so easy to feel all self pitiful thinkinh no one understands and your the only one who is hurting... but the reality is there are so many people who have to deal with long term distance. thanks for the posts : )
Reply 8
Explains my three years at Uni. If you don't fancy the long read it's basically a roller-coaster of feelings but worth it in the end!

It hurts like hell for ages but when you see them again it's an amazing feeling.

Some people make it, some don't! Just be strong! Good luck!
I was in the same situation this time last year. I had been with my boyfriend for 3 years when he went away, and for weeks all I did was cry. There wasnt much contact initially as he didnt have internet sorted in his halls for a while, and he had to change his mobile number as hs network didnt get a good signal up there.
I felt completely lost, and looking back I feel rather silly and asthough I was being completely over dramatic.

What I can promise though is that its gets easier, alot easier as time goes on. After that inital going away period you begin to get used to it, and you can cope alot better.
As I said that was a year ago, and its flown by. I cant believe it was over a year ago that I was crying my eyes out on his doorstep! You'll get through it, and while it hurts so much now, you'll see eachother again before you know it.

Dont get me wrong, its not easy and certainly isnt ideal, but its completely and utterly worth it, if only for that feeling of elation every single time you see them.
i guess one good thing which will come out of it you may even begin to appreciate that person a bit more, and make the most of the time you do spend with them whilst you have them. me and my boyfriend went to school together and have been friends since year 8... so the wierdest thing will be the simplest things like not seeing him at assembly, or finding little post it notes in my study... and even though we may not have seen each other continuously throughout the day just knowing they are in one the rooms on your corridor if you need to go and have a hug. but i guess from now on the time we do spend together will be more intense and mean alot more to each other. also.. less arguments as the time you spend with that person is so precious you wont have time for petty upsets. i hope everything works out for all you guys and your other halfs! and enjoy uni! it only happens once... thats what im slightly worried about. not making the most of uni due to missing my boyfriend.. anyone else get this? lol sorry for the long rant haha.
Reply 11
I completely understand how you feel, it's horrible. I've got until sunday, when both my bf and I go back to uni-it hurts even now, but believe me, by the time you're a few weeks in, it becomes so, so much easier and you stop thinking about how horrible it is them not being there, but looking forward to when you can go and see them next. Just try your best not to suddenly become the hyper-attention needing, clingy person that I regularly have to stop myself becoming at the beginning of each new term.

What always works with me, actually, is to start planning my/his next visit with my bf-you start to really look forward to it instead of pitying yourself for not having him there.
Reply 12
yer. see the difference between me and some of you, is that im not going to uni. i've been at college for 3 weeks. and i cant focus which really doesnt help. it'll be fine when we settle, just a little hard. and we've already planned my visit in October. its crazy i'll talk to him and then cry. having a little bit and then not seeing him is driving me crazy. i just want to say thanks for all your support on here. and i'm here aswell if anyone needs it. xx
Aw I def understand this one!
Last year my boyfriend left for uni while I was in my last year of sixth form. I wasn't esp happy with school, I was a bit fed up with it to be honest, and knowing I'd get to see my boyfriend at the end of the day was really what kept me happy, then he left.
I cried, a lot! And I think you have to cry, because it takes time to adjust to something so huge, and its upsetting and frustrating because you know the only person that can make you feel better is him! But it gets better, I promise.
I agree with everyone who has said that it makes your limited time together that much more special. That feeling of knowing you're going to see him, the butterflies you get on the train on the way there- its amazing! It really is.
Obviously its going to be difficult, and its going to take time to get used to it, but it won't be this hard forever. And I know its tempting to ring/call him all the time, but you have to appreciate (and I know you do), that he's busy and he may not text you back right away, or miss your call, but that doesn't mean he doesn't care!
Hope you're doing ok.
What always works with me actually, is to start planning my/his next visit with my bf-you start to really look forward to it instead of pitying yourself for not having him there.

Sounds like a good idea! Means you have time to get excited instead of getting all depressed and miserable :biggrin:
Will def talk to my bf about a possible visit in november/early december and if we buy train tickets in advance may help me to motivate my way through the next month or two... stick the ticket up on my board when i get sad. thanks, and keep smiling everyone :smile:
Im soooooo glad other people are feeling this way too! I thought I was being horrifically abnormal by feeling so depressed. Its the paranoia thats getting to me most, Im just soooo sure he's gonna meet someone else and I dont want to put him in an awkward position by being a burden round his neck. He is having the time of his life, and he's quite a flirt so I know hes making the most of it. Its just hard to adjust. Im preparing myself for the worst. I just want him to be happy really, so I give it till xmas time and then I reckon Ill get the whole "I dont think this is working" chat :frown:
But im trying to stay positive! STAY STRONG X
Reply 16
We need a missing bf/gf thread, where we can support eachother :smile: (Or just use this thread).

My bf leaves on Monday. I am so happy for him, but at the same time I think I'm really going to miss him :frown:
Reply 17
My bf started Uni last year so is in his second year. He left about 2 weeks ago now. I'm missin him atm, but when I get used to the cycle of not seeing him too much it's ok again. My advice is keep in contact once day, but don't interfere with their Uni experience, because it's not fairon them. Also, when they do come home dont spend ever last minute with them, get into how you used to see them before they left else it gets to difficult.
Reply 18
I'm in a LDR too and I just moved to Uni again, not so fun so far, its cold here, and I only have my teddy bear to cuddle :frown:
But my gf of 2 years is coming in 2 weeks, I'm close to freaking out because it feels like forever since I held her hand and stuff... :rolleyes:
She's out with her friends tonight and I'm here listening to my music and trying to focus on Monday when classes start, but whenever I stop I start to mope again because distance sucks, like a lot!

Good luck everyone!
OP it gets easier, believe me you'll find the strength to last if you want to :smile:
Reply 19
I want to visit my bf in uni, but I do not want to "ruin his uni experience". He leaves tomorrow, and I was thinking of going to see him Sunday afternoon for tea for a few hours, is this too soon?