Mother issues (advice needed please)Watch
My mother and I have a.... tricky relationship. During GCSEs and A Levels she and I really fought a lot, you know, teenage years 'mum leave me alone', 'stop telling me what to do', the whole 9 yards. She's a specialist maths teacher for kids with learning disabilities, so obviously, she really tried to get me to do a lot of maths.
Unfortunately those past years were hell for both of us, I barely slept as she'd always pile on more work for me to do, and because I'd want a break as I was so tired she and I would really really fight a lot.
She has done so much for me. I love her to pieces, I honestly would die for her. But she has said many many things to me that really have messed with my mind.
Most recently, Christmas Eve 2016, so last year, Im not sure how we got to this topic in the fight as we were actually about to leave for our traditional place for dinner each Christmas. She said and I quote "well I'm sorry we adopted you then" (Im adopted yes)
This was in front of my brother and my dad (neither are biological).
With that example being said, since then my mind has really been messed up. I've resumed to my self harming ways (only once and that was because of my previous post about my uni flat mates, and I really really regret it). However despite the relief I got from that I seem to just be making everyone around me so f*cking miserable.
I failed my A levels so this year I am re taking- and my mum is helping me boost my maths grade. However today she has clearly expressed that she has had enough. She doesn't want to work with me anymore (I have a learning disability so that's why she helps me sometimes) and it's really upset me. I feel like the only connection my mum and I have is through maths, and it breaks me to know that she's had enough of me. Obviously we had argued before that. She claimed I hadn't done the work but it was all in front of her and to a good quality. Unfortunately I think I've realised that I've really ed up. I know my mum can be a dragon sometimes (she's french) and she has said so many heart breaking things to my face, but I think it's me who's the problem. And I regret to say that I've only realised this now.
She's told me she's cutting me off and without a student loan I'm completely screwed. And I can't apply for one because I'm doing foundation art. Not only this but I have to pay out of my own pocket (I have no money) for my Statistics tutor... how am I going to do that?
That's less important.
What I really need to do is try and figure out how to fix this. I can't live knowing my mum hates me... I'm already depressed and she doesn't know about that because I didn't want her to worry, but she just says horrible things that make me hate myself more...
Please help I'm really struggling here..
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I wouldn't want her to my maths teacher , not joking.
Based my reading of your post and what you said about your mom's nasty comments about you being adopted and other offensive things to you, your mom's really mean. I'm not sure I'd want her as my mom.
I think you should find another math tutor to help you with your maths.
But the thing is, as much as you want your relationship to improve with her it just can't happen without you both coming towards each other a little bit and trying to sort things out between the two of you.
I know you say you don't want to upset her but you cant expect her to understand how damaging the effect of what she's saying is on you if she doesn't have a clear idea on your mental condition. You need to sit her down and be totally honest with her, tell her how she's affecting you, and how these extra things are making you worry when you really shouldn't have any more on your plate. Listen to what she says, but if her critcism isn't instructive, then disregard it. You don't need that kind of negativity. Hope this helps