Year 12s: what will be the first way you research your future options? >>

My Creative Writing 3

Poll

What would you rate this writing out of 10?

Hi I'd really appreciate some feedback on this recent creative writing I've done.

I remember it. It’s as alive and as vivid as day. The very first time we met.

She stood before me, her feet placed solidly apart. She was striking to look at. She stood confidently although the sky overhead was granite and was sprinkling small showers of rain yet she seemed to take no notice. My eyes were transfixed and try as I might, I couldn’t tear my gaze away. At first our eyes only touched fleetingly but then she seemed to take greater notice and bore her deep emerald eyes into mine.

My thoughts raced madly. The feeling of inferiority had never felt so great before. Every cell of my body was screaming at me and begging me to move, to do something but their pleas fell upon deaf ears. At this moment, the whole world filled with hectic life was whizzing around us in a blur of flashes and colour with only her and I fixed in the middle.

With a heart full of fire and my body quivering with anticipation, I stretched out my arm towards her. She raised an eyebrow, incredulous and unimpressed. My stomach churned; I wanted to be sick. All my life aspirations were slipping away from me in a landslide of tragedy. I let my arm drop, lifeless and feeling sheepish.

Determined not to leave her with the impression of having met an empty headed moron, I grunted and offered a half smile.

“Just who are you?” she asked, squinting her eyes as though she was trying to see through me and figure me out.

“I…I don’t know,” I stuttered. I winced inwardly. What sort of dull witted person was I making myself out to be? “I mean I do know,” I tried to correct myself. A sharp breath escaped my mouth as she grabbed my arm menacingly and pulled me close, squeezing tighter and tighter like a snake wrapped around its prey, resolved on not letting it go.

She voiced her thoughts which mirrored mine and breathed close in my ear, “Then why do we look identical?”