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im 21, depressed and a virgin, need advice

Yeah,
so i'm nearly 21 and i'm severly depressed for several reasons, the main being that ive never left home because i've had to take care of my sick mother since i left school, and i'm stuck in a ****ty lonely job with no friends and no girlfriend, among other things
but anyway
my reason for making this topic was to ask:
is there anyone reading this that is 21 and is still a virgin?
bad enough im a virgin, but i've never been KISSED in my life
its ridiculous i know
i'm so used to this that i'm almost scared to ever kiss anyone or get in a relationship incase i mess everything up
anyone in the same boat as me?
any help or advice would be much appreciated

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I'm 21 and haven't had sex yet.
Reply 2
It's not as abnormal as you seem to think. It's not a dash to the finish line. Everyone has those insecurities, but it will be fine - thats a person you don't actually know promise! :P

But if you feel this way about your job and living situation, i'm sure there are things you can do to improve this; you're young.
Reply 3
My boyfriend was 23 before he did it the first time, so you're not alone :smile:
Reply 4
I'm 20 and 7 months, lol, and in almost the same situation...
It seems dim now, but you have to remember that there's no reason the future will be the same as the past.

Just make sure you put yourself out there a bit when you can. Elbow your way into invites to friends going out, make yourself known and it will happen. From your description your problem is mostly that you are simply not getting out due to your circumstances. However, when you do find time to get out, don't let yourself get consumed with how you "aren't good enough". It's a fallacy! Like yourself , and others will like you.

If your mother is a lot to cope with on your own, is there noone else who can help?

I was a virgin till 17. I didn't get a great deal of interest at school before that (probably because I was a moody, horrible violent oik but there you go). After that, my life totally changed. I've not spent a week without a girl in my life since then. It doesn't have to be the same as it was, things change!
Reply 6
I agree that the most important thing is to start liking yourself.

I felt horrible when i was in the middle of my teenage years. I didn't like myself at all, I thought I was ugly, I was very shy and a proper nerd. I was the type of person who would start getting bullied sooner or later. But somehow I learnt to like myself and miraculously I made a lot of friends who were all very different from me. Fine, I never got friends with those type of boys who seem to be allergic to intelligent people, but they never said much against me either.

I think everyone has fears towards towards the first time and the first kiss, it's the most normal thing in the world. It often happens when you least expect it to :wink:.
Reply 7
sex is nothing but trouble. Save yourself the hassle and worry by having a **** instead.
Reply 8
I know a bloke who's 21 and a virgin. It's pretty common.
Reply 9
Anonymous
Yeah,
so i'm nearly 21 and i'm severly depressed for several reasons, the main being that ive never left home because i've had to take care of my sick mother since i left school, and i'm stuck in a ****ty lonely job with no friends and no girlfriend, among other things
but anyway
my reason for making this topic was to ask:
is there anyone reading this that is 21 and is still a virgin?
bad enough im a virgin, but i've never been KISSED in my life
its ridiculous i know
i'm so used to this that i'm almost scared to ever kiss anyone or get in a relationship incase i mess everything up
anyone in the same boat as me?
any help or advice would be much appreciated


Pinpoint why you are bothered, is it the lack of experience? (if so it doesn't matter as some people who have kissed a thousand times are rubbish) Are you worried what people will think? (no one has to know but you its not like they can tell your a virgin) or what is it?
Reply 10
Have you tired aesphixiating yourself?
Reply 11
i don't understand why people see relationships as a form of validation
mouse_mat
Have you tired aesphixiating yourself?


You should probably demonstrate first so that he knows what to do.
Reply 13
DodgyTrousers
You should probably demonstrate first so that he knows what to do.


But i'm not 21, depressed or a virgin.
Reply 14
im 21 , a virgin that hasn't kissed a girl on the lips since i tried to peck a girl when I was 8. I've been told that im good looking and i have no problem making people laugh but generally i feel pretty lonley. I only have 2 or 3 close friends and am going into my 3rd year at uni but still live at home. The only advice i can give you is that you wont get others warming to you unless you feel good about yourself. Get a hobby. Also say YES to any social invites/ opportunities and things may start happening.
Reply 15
DominF
i don't understand why people see relationships as a form of validation


...really?

you dont think someone would feel validated if they had someone who loved, respected and cared about them?

me neither
Reply 16
Im 21 aswell. Im not a virgin but i lack in self confidence and havent had many full relationships because of this (only 1 infact). It used to get me down a bit but now I think its not worth worrying about. Im quite happy being single and if a girl comes along then so be it, but if not then so what!
Reply 17
DominF
i don't understand why people see relationships as a form of validation


Exactly. It pays to view the same thing from a different perspective. I am nearly 20 and I am in the same position as you, and while the fact still gets me down sometimes, I am starting to learn to be happy living on my own - I still have close relationships with friends - it can be easy to lose sight of that fact. It's far better to be happy living by yourself rather than have a string of disastrous relationships which cause emotional devastation based on your own insecurities (or insecurities of others for that matter). That's not to say to block out your emotions, it is still natural to feel down about having not yet experienced love, but it is best not to dwell on it too often.
Reply 18
hahahaha

:smile:
oh for ****s sake does everyone's life evolve around sex?
bloody hell there is more to life than sticking your cock into a hole. my god. You're a virgin? so what geezus.

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