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Lost my virginity and now I hate him
I had sex for the first time today with my boyfriend and I feel so confused about the whole thing. I couldn’t feel anything at all and I’m pretty sure that’s not normal, is it 
? I wasn’t even sure if he was actually inside me until he came and then when he pulled out I could feel him. I feel so angry at him as well and I don’t know why. I just hate him and the thought of him touching me again makes my skin crawl. He’s not done anything wrong and so I don’t know why I feel this way. 
When he dropped me off at home he told me he’d come round to see me tomorrow before I go to uni but I really don’t want to see him again. I feel awful because he’s been so patient with me. We’ve been together for 6 months and he hasn’t pressured me to have sex and he’s been so great when I was stressing out over my exams and getting into uni and everything. I don’t regret having sex with him because to be honest it wasn’t really a big deal at all especially as I didn’t even feel anything.
I’m sorry for creating yet another thread about losing virginity but I just feel so confused and don’t really have anyone to talk to about this.
? I wasn’t even sure if he was actually inside me until he came and then when he pulled out I could feel him. I feel so angry at him as well and I don’t know why. I just hate him and the thought of him touching me again makes my skin crawl. He’s not done anything wrong and so I don’t know why I feel this way. When he dropped me off at home he told me he’d come round to see me tomorrow before I go to uni but I really don’t want to see him again. I feel awful because he’s been so patient with me. We’ve been together for 6 months and he hasn’t pressured me to have sex and he’s been so great when I was stressing out over my exams and getting into uni and everything. I don’t regret having sex with him because to be honest it wasn’t really a big deal at all especially as I didn’t even feel anything.
I’m sorry for creating yet another thread about losing virginity but I just feel so confused and don’t really have anyone to talk to about this.
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Ok, first things first, does he have an exceptionally small dingalingdong?
Other than the sex part, how was your relationship before today? Do you love the guy etc?
Other than the sex part, how was your relationship before today? Do you love the guy etc?
Sehnsucht
Ok, first things first, does he have an exceptionally small dingalingdong?
Other than the sex part, how was your relationship before today? Do you love the guy etc?
Other than the sex part, how was your relationship before today? Do you love the guy etc?
Well he's fairly small in the trouser department but the things is (sorry to be graphic
) I can feel his fingers when he uses them so i don't understand why i couldn't feel him ...he's probably just a bit bigger than his fingers. I really wanted to talk to him about it afterwards but i couldn't because he probably would of got offended. Our relationship was ok I wouldn't say it was great but it's not terrible either. He told me he loved me months ago and i told him i loved him for the first time a few days ago. I don't think i do love him though...i was just miserable at uni and it was nice hearing a friendly voice over the phone.
Tufts
At least it wasn't painful.
I say, give it a few days and then reflect on it. See how you feel when the experience isn't as raw in your mind.
How did your boyfriend find it?
At least it wasn't painful.I say, give it a few days and then reflect on it. See how you feel when the experience isn't as raw in your mind.
How did your boyfriend find it?
I don't know...we didn't talk about it
. After he came he kissed me and then started talking about the crappy western film that was on TV....then he held me in his arms and just carried on like nothing had happened. I felt too embarassed to bring it up so i didn't say anything. 
Ok, and do you find him attractive physically?
And... well... is there anything in your past that could make you feel negatively about sex? Abuse, rape, Catholicism etc?
(Sorry for all the questions, they do help to get a better picture of the situation though).
And... well... is there anything in your past that could make you feel negatively about sex? Abuse, rape, Catholicism etc?
(Sorry for all the questions, they do help to get a better picture of the situation though).
I know this sounds really corny but maybe the reason that the sex wasn't so good is because you're not so crazy about him. Maybe you feel like you don't want him to touch you again etc. is because he likes you more than you like him and it subconsciously bothers you. I was in a relationship where a guy liked me more and in the end it annoyed me and I began to hate him and din't want him to touch me. Tell me to shut up if I'm totally off track...
Sehnsucht
Ok, and do you find him attractive physically?
And... well... is there anything in your past that could make you feel negatively about sex? Abuse, rape, Catholicism etc?
(Sorry for all the questions, they do help to get a better picture of the situation though).
And... well... is there anything in your past that could make you feel negatively about sex? Abuse, rape, Catholicism etc?
(Sorry for all the questions, they do help to get a better picture of the situation though).
I don't think i do find him physcally attractive, i mean i don't think he's ugly but his looks are not at the top of the list of things which make me interested in him. I'm not that btohered about looks though.
I was sexually abused when i was a child and i was briefly involved with this guy who was quite sexually aggressive....but i never really think about either of those things and haven't mentioned it to anyone so i don't think that's affecting me.Please do not De-anon me mods...there are people who know me on here and i would die if they found out about this especially the last part!
Anonymous
I don't think i do find him physcally attractive, i mean i don't think he's ugly but his looks are not at the top of the list of things which make me interested in him. I'm not that btohered about looks though.
I was sexually abused when i was a child and i was briefly involved with this guy who was quite sexually aggressive....but i never really think about either of those things and haven't mentioned it to anyone so i don't think that's affecting me.
(
I was sexually abused when i was a child and i was briefly involved with this guy who was quite sexually aggressive....but i never really think about either of those things and haven't mentioned it to anyone so i don't think that's affecting me.(
I've got to say, your reaction to your bf after having had sex does seem to suggest that you have underlying problems related to your negative sexual experiences. It's not your fault in the slightest, but the fact is that most people who are with a partner for an extended period of time find at least some level of physical attraction (ie. a desire to have sex).
I would recommend that you see someone and tell them about what happened. The way the mind is able to repress memories is incredibly complex. Just because your conscious mind doesn't make the association between what happened and your current state of mind regarding sex, does not mean that there is not a link in your unconscious mind.
I think you need to seriously think about whether you want to be with this guy, sex aside.
I was abused when I was younger, about 14, by a sexual aggressive guy and found losing my virginity quite a traumatic experience, but I was able to speak to my boyfriend and he was really understanding.
If you feel you do want to be in this relationship then maybe you could talk to him about it, it may make things easier.
I was abused when I was younger, about 14, by a sexual aggressive guy and found losing my virginity quite a traumatic experience, but I was able to speak to my boyfriend and he was really understanding.
If you feel you do want to be in this relationship then maybe you could talk to him about it, it may make things easier.
I agree with ^^^ you do have underlying problems, hence the feeling kind of disgusted afterwards. I hope that you sort this out you've clearly been through enough without this aswell. 
Tufts
If you cannot dicuss sex with your partner, I would question whether you are ready to engage in it.
I can discuss sex with him, we've talked about it lots before. I just didn't want to ask him whether he enjoyed it or anything because then he would have asked me if i enjoyed it and i didn't want to lie to him and i didn't want to say no and hurt his feelings.
tsrrocks
How long was the sex because prehaps it's wasn't long enough for you to get settled in, hence why you didn't like it?
I don't know...i didn't exactly have a stop watch or anything
. I'd guess it was probably about 3-4 minutes.Salmon
There's no pleasing some people, the guy waited and didn't pressurise and you want to criticise his tackle which he can't change. He probably wasn't fantastic as he didn't want to hurt you
I didn't critise his tackle
..someone asked me if he was small and i said yes. I never said i was bothered by that, i know he can't change it and even if he could i wouldn't want him to.millie_u/grad
I know this sounds really corny but maybe the reason that the sex wasn't so good is because you're not so crazy about him.
What makes you say i'm not so crazy about him?
Anonymous
I was sexually abused when i was a child and i was briefly involved with this guy who was quite sexually aggressive....but i never really think about either of those things and haven't mentioned it to anyone so i don't think that's affecting me.
Please do not De-anon me mods...there are people who know me on here and i would die if they found out about this especially the last part!
I was sexually abused when i was a child and i was briefly involved with this guy who was quite sexually aggressive....but i never really think about either of those things and haven't mentioned it to anyone so i don't think that's affecting me.Please do not De-anon me mods...there are people who know me on here and i would die if they found out about this especially the last part!
There's your answer.
Please seek help for this.
Anonymous
Our relationship was ok I wouldn't say it was great but it's not terrible either. He told me he loved me months ago and i told him i loved him for the first time a few days ago. I don't think i do love him though...i was just miserable at uni and it was nice hearing a friendly voice over the phone.
Our relationship was ok I wouldn't say it was great but it's not terrible either. He told me he loved me months ago and i told him i loved him for the first time a few days ago. I don't think i do love him though...i was just miserable at uni and it was nice hearing a friendly voice over the phone.
That made me think that you weren't so crazy about him.
(Gosh, he must have been a bit on the small side indeed. Just a tip for the future, if you can't feel anything try propping your hips up with a pillow to change the angle, might help.)
But physical things aside, I think that you definitely haven't dealt with the abuse and so sex doesn't feel like it should. The physical act of sex is basically an invasion of personal space taken to extremes, and if this hs happened against your will in the past and you haven't processed that, then there's no reason for you to view sex as anything other than an unwanted invasion (and a pretty horrific one at that), since that is all you have experienced and you haven't turned it around into the positive thing it should be. You should go to some kind of counselling and really think through what you think about sex. It's not just something you do, it's something you experience with your mind and body and everything, and you need to be aware of how it makes you feel.
But physical things aside, I think that you definitely haven't dealt with the abuse and so sex doesn't feel like it should. The physical act of sex is basically an invasion of personal space taken to extremes, and if this hs happened against your will in the past and you haven't processed that, then there's no reason for you to view sex as anything other than an unwanted invasion (and a pretty horrific one at that), since that is all you have experienced and you haven't turned it around into the positive thing it should be. You should go to some kind of counselling and really think through what you think about sex. It's not just something you do, it's something you experience with your mind and body and everything, and you need to be aware of how it makes you feel.
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