Social reject needs help

Ok, I am 16 (17 in about 20 days), currently in Lower 6th form and I have absolutely no good friends or social life whatsoever and I really need help.

I am at an all boys school and while I do have a group of relatively good friends in school I have absolutely no contact with them out of school, or anybody apart from my family and baseball team.

The last time I actually went out to do anything with mates was when I was in year 9 when I went to go see a movie with a few mates and since then all I do out of school is work during the holidays, and do school work and play on my computer in the evening.

I constantly have two thoughts in my head that switch every now and then:
"I am going to spend my whole life alone and die with nobody even caring that I am gone"
and
"It will get better once I go to uni, but thats another 3 years and by then I will be even more of a social reject than I am now and nobody will want anything to do with me."

The only form of human contact I have outside of school is family and a baseball practice for 4 hours every sunday from 1 to 5.

I really need help, either advice as to how to try and slowly get accepted into the group of "friends" I have in school or a good way to meet people outside of a school environment (clubs, groups, etc...)
I am in Bristol if anybody wants to suggest any clubs or anything.

And please keep this anonymous and I think some people from my school may use this site.

Thank you for your help.

Reply 1

drac

if you can just go outside, get msns from people at school who live near, and meet up with them. i know getting school work isnt always fun but you will still have some free time. And as your in 6th im guessing your allowed out later? if not id sit down with your parents and discuss this. but yea just go out

Reply 2

sh0tgun

If you need to talk about it add me on msn MOD EDIT: Please do not post your email publicly I was pretty much the same as you used to be.

Reply 3

Anonymous #1

thanks sh0tgun.

Drac, my parents would have no problems with me going out (although obviously on school nights they wouldn't really want me) and I live atleast 30 minutes from the nearest person I get on with in school, can't drive yet, awful bus service from where I live to anywhere remotely near the city centre, have two parents who work, mum until about 6pm and dad till about 8pm most days so getting a lift anywhere is almost out of the question.

The only thing I could really think of as a way of meeting people would be something like army/air/marine cadets.

Reply 4

Anonymous #1

god, even on here I feel like nobody wants anything to do with me.

Can somebody please atleast try to give me some advice

Reply 5

Double Agent

Ok, lets put things in perspective here, because i think you're overreacting. You have friends in school, get on with family and are part of a baseball team. I think you're doing ok. You dont sound like a social reject to me. I know from experience its harder living in a rural area, but its not a reason not to join in. You need to be the one to make the effort, the main mistake people make is waiting for friends to appear and take you places and start converstions with you. It doesnt happen, so you come on here saying you are a social misfit. They meanwhile are thinking, so he hasnt said he wants to come, we'll take that as a no. Or he's not talking to us, he must want to be left alone. You must make the first move all the time, get involved with as many clubs, after college activities etc as your timetable allows. Even if you dont make great lifelong friends, you will make friends at each thing, enlarging your social network. Invite people back to your house for the weekend, after school or whatever. Theres no need to write yourself of till uni, things wont change unless you change.

Reply 6

Ywiss

Okay, first thing, don't panic. There are tons of people who feel just as awkward as you do in social situations. And as someone else said, don't just assume "that's it" for your social life before uni - you've got another 3 years!

A good starting point would be to have a nice big birthday party for your 17th which is happening soon. Have a house party (parents allowing, if not go for a restaurant) - invite your group of friends from your school and ask them to invite other friends. The lack of invitations from them may be such a simple thing as the fact that they weren't sure that you wanted to hang around with them, so inviting them to your birthday party is a good move on your part and shows you making some initiative.

Then, after that - YOU be the one making the invitations. "Does anyone want to come and watch that new film on Saturday?" "Who's up for bowling on Friday?" "I need to do some shopping on Sunday, anyone want to come?" YOU make the first move. Good friends will take you up on your offer. If you invite them out, then eventually they will invite you out - but you can't expect them to do all the leg-work in their friendship with you.

Good luck - with a bit of effort you can stop thinking of yourself as a social reject!

Reply 7

suicidal_dream

you NEED to make the first move.
if you're not happy with your social life, then do something about it!
if you enjoy baseball, why not ask if any of your friends want to meet up at the weekend or something to play a game of baseball?!

Reply 8

Ashes_to_Ashes

Anonymous

god, even on here I feel like nobody wants anything to do with me.

Can somebody please atleast try to give me some advice

aw, don't feel like that!

you're not a total loner, I mean, you talk about having mates at school.
At my school I've known people who've really been loners with no friends, you want to talk to them but they're really in reculse which makes it hard.

The best thing you can do is be friendly to people and talk to people who you don't usually (maybe people who you sit next to class?), also, just try and go out with your 'friends'.

I can't remember who said it, but the idea of using msn is good. Even if you're not talking to people locally, it's a comfort is your family are out. If you want to add me you can, just private message me and ask.

Finally, try not to be so negative! because it can drive people away!

Good Luck :smile: