The Student Room Group

My parents are emotionally blackmailing me to be a more devout Muslim

Sorry. This is going to be a very ranting and long post. My parents are always giving me lectures on how I am not a good enough Muslim. They don't like the way I dress even though I dress very modestly. I just don't wear a hijab. They don't like my university friends either and they don't like the fact that I don't pray. They basically hate who I really am.

They also emotionally blackmail me by stating all of the things they've done and sacrificed for me. My mum likes to mention a lot how she has financially supported me through university. My dad also says that it hurts him everyday to see what I've become. Statements like this makes me feel guilty and makes me hate myself for being a bad daughter. When they start guilt-tripping me like this I feel like a terrible person for accepting money from them. I have bipolar as well so when they do stuff like this it makes things ten times worse.

They also like to control every single facet of my life. They control my haircut, my clothing, the time I go to sleep, want to know where I'm going and then set a time when I'm meant to be home. They even want to control who I will marry (I don't even want to get :dolphin::dolphin::dolphin::dolphin:ing married).

I love my parents but I sometimes question whether they love me. If they loved me they would care what I want. They would respect that I don't want to pray 5 times a day or fast in ramadan or that I don't want to wear a hijab.

I want to move out but I'm not financially stable to move out yet. I still have one more year of university left before I can graduate, get a job, and then move out. Even then I'm not sure if I'll be strong enough to be able to withstand the emotional blackmail they'll use to get me to stay and continue being controlled by them.

How do I try and cope with them for another year?
(edited 6 years ago)

Scroll to see replies

Get a student flat? You have the maintenance loan (right?). :smile:
(edited 6 years ago)
Original post by constantine2016
Sorry. This is going to be a very ranting and long post. My parents are always giving me lectures on how I am not a good enough Muslim. They don't like the way I dress even though I dress very modestly. I just don't wear a hijab. They don't like my university friends either and they don't like the fact that I don't pray. They basically hate who I really am.

They also emotionally blackmail me by stating all of the things they've done and sacrificed for me. My mum likes to mention a lot how she has financially supported me through university. My dad also says that it hurts him everyday to see what I've become. Statements like this makes me feel guilty and makes me hate myself for being a bad daughter. When they start guilt-tripping me like this I feel like a terrible person for accepting money from them. I have bipolar as well so when they do stuff like this it makes things ten times worse.

They also like to control every single facet of my life. They control my haircut, my clothing, the time I go to sleep, want to know where I'm going and then set a time when I'm meant to be home. They even want to control who I will marry (I don't even want to get :dolphin::dolphin::dolphin::dolphin:ing married).

I love my parents but I sometimes question whether they love me. If they loved me they would care what I want. They would respect that I don't want to pray 5 times a day or fast in ramadan or that I don't want to wear a hijab.

I want to move out but I'm not financially stable to move out yet. I still have one more year of university left before I can graduate, get a job, and then move out. Even then I'm not sure if I'll be strong enough to be able to withstand the emotional blackmail they'll use to get me to stay and continue being controlled by them.

How do I try and cope with them for another year?


Student Finance should be enough to move out during university usually.
maybe just stop being muslim altogether? sounds like you don't want to.
Two points here :

1) Controlling every aspect of your life (if true) is extreme, especially if it's in simple matters.

2) Why should they respect the fact you don't want to pray? Or wear the hijab?
sigh.. so why don't you want to be a good muslim?
Original post by theoneandonlybob
sigh.. so why don't you want to be a good muslim?


Cause not everyone believes what their parents do, and I think some people are like brainwashed by what their parents tell them.
I think it is very good she makes her own choices.
So basically you dont want to pray/fast and your parents want you to?
Whats your reason for not wanting to?
Original post by Somepersonhere
Cause not everyone believes what their parents do, and I think some people are like brainwashed by what their parents tell them.
I think it is very good she makes her own choices.


some people are brainwashed by the media thinking there religion is evil...
Original post by Muwahid-
Two points here :

1) Controlling every aspect of your life (if true) is extreme, especially if it's in simple matters.

2) Why should they respect the fact you don't want to pray? Or wear the hijab?

Why the hell should she get hate for choosing not to do something she isn't comfortable with? I don't have anything against girls wearing the hijab but I'm totally against being forced to wear it. Are you trying to say women who don't wear the hijab are unworthy of respect?
(edited 6 years ago)
Reply 9
Original post by BintM
So basically you dont want to pray/fast and your parents want you to?
Whats your reason for not wanting to?


Maybe she doesn't believe in it enough to go through something like that.

What's the point in practicing if you don't believe?
Original post by theoneandonlybob
some people are brainwashed by the media thinking there religion is evil...


Ahh the media hates us. Great victim card. Give me examples of how mainstream media such as the BBC, Guardian etc portray Islam in a bad light.

You really don't need to be brainwashed to see the dark side of religion. I just needed to read the Quran!
Original post by Cherub012
Get a student flat? You have the maintenance loan (right?). :smile:


I've already submitted my Student Finance application. I don't think I'd be able to change it now.
Original post by BintM
So basically you dont want to pray/fast and your parents want you to?
Whats your reason for not wanting to?


Does it matter?
Original post by Cherub012
Does it matter?


Was just wondering :dontknow:
Original post by Muwahid-
Two points here :

1) Controlling every aspect of your life (if true) is extreme, especially if it's in simple matters.

2) Why should they respect the fact you don't want to pray? Or wear the hijab?


1. How many people are told at the age of 20 what time to go to bed and are set a curfew? This is definitely controlling behaviour.

2. Because it is my choice if I don't want to pray or fast. They should respect the fact that I am an adult capable of making my own decisions.
Original post by theoneandonlybob
some people are brainwashed by the media thinking there religion is evil...


It's not about a evil religion IMO. Its about following some crazy ass stories some person wrote 5000-1500 years ago.

50.000 BC: Water god please gives us rain.

some people in 2017: What a idiots, water god, how about we predict or make it rain ourselves. Power of Science.

other people in 2017: God exists.

People in 50.000: What a idiots, a god haha, how about we drink this anti aging+power drink. We will always be 20 years old, full of energy, good looking, stronger, faster, smarter and we don't need to find out if god exists cause we don't die.

We ain't ever getting older - The Chainsmokers
Original post by theoneandonlybob
some people are brainwashed by the media thinking there religion is evil...


Religious folk are doing that, no need to blame the media.
Original post by constantine2016
I've already submitted my Student Finance application. I don't think I'd be able to change it now.


Student overdraft? Part-time job?
Wait it out for the year then bail and go live on your own.
Original post by theoneandonlybob
sigh.. so why don't you want to be a good muslim?


I think I am a good Muslim. I don't drink, eat pork, I still dress modestly, and I don't sleep around. I give money to charities as well. My parents think I'm Satan's servant because I don't pray or wear a hijab. I've seen girls wearing hijab making out with boys in public while their bottoms are fondled. Yet they are seen as the picture of modesty whilst I am treated like a whore when I've never even dated.

Quick Reply