My parents are emotionally blackmailing me to be a more devout Muslim

Moving on, Terrorists have no religion, Islam condemns such acts along with other religions like old Christianity and old Judaism. Religions demand peace from their believers, not violence like pagans.

Many terrorists claim that they do it in the name of a religion. Many religions are not peaceful - just look at history. Some still advocate violence, including a significant percentage of Islam.

Frankly anyone that "knows" insulting a prophet is a heinous crime is being incited to violence.

Original post by JuSt_Do_It_

it wouldn't hurt to follow the rules for the off chance that he is real and truly will grant to us what we want most. Science doesn't have 'God of the Gaps' for nothing you know. If you think it doesn't tell me Why the human body loses 21 grams after death?

Any random observation that you don't know a scientific explanation for is not proof of a god. Look-up "Pascal's Wager".

Original post by JuSt_Do_It_

5) the whole human body losing 21 grams is based around the soul being taken away when death takes place from some research done by scientists if i recall correctly i had to learn this theory of 'God of the Gaps' and the 'soul weighing 21 grams' for my RMS GCSE exam so the fact it can be used in exams is more than enough proof

The soul doesn't exist, so can't have mass (the gram is a unit of mass, not weight). If any teacher told you otherwise, they have been duped.

(edited 7 years ago)

Reply 221

AKousar

1

Hey OP! Hope you're okay. So I read through your post and a few pages of this discussion (got to page 7 and thought I should put my 2 cents in).

In my personal opinion, I think the direction of this discussion is kind of going in the wrong direction. 1. OP asked for advice on what she should do for a year; not a religious debate. lol. So quite a few are, in essence, answering OP's question. 2. There are other elements at play other than religion.

Just because the OP mentioned religion, paraphrasing her parents emotionally blackmailing her in terms of religion, doesn't mean religion is a massive element in why they (parents) act the way they do. E.G. If religion was purely the driving reason, then they would not impose Islam on OP as it is said within Islam that the religion cannot be forced on an individual. One of the concepts of Islam is that this life is a test, your actions, thoughts, intentions are measured; you are given free will to make your own decisions and choices (free will linking back to this life is a test) etc. Therefore, on that concept, Islam is favouring OP in this situation. This is not to say that religion is not an influencing factor; I'm just questioning other elements here.

Now, religion and culture have quite a fine-blurred line separating them. So culture can be quite an influencing factor as well. Experiences and emotions are also an influencing factor. Another influencing factor is age difference (links back to culture and time) which affects communication. That leads to the next; you and your parents have a communication barrier. Basically, this is a tangled mess of a lot of things.

The normal ideology in your parents days is not the norm today; due to how long your parents have thought the way they have, it's hard for them to adapt. But of course, it's much easier for them to impose on you. I'm not saying that's right but, they do want what is best for you and that's how they have been dealing with it.

You are their daughter. Even if you leave the house, you will still be their daughter. It doesn't matter where you live, they will always feel obliged to act in a manner that they think is good for you; emphasis on think. They're human. They're going to make mistakes. I do think that it's unhealthy the way they've been going about whatever it is in their head. They're scared (this is where the emotion ties). Either by their own experiences, experiences they've heard or myths circulating the rumour mill (e.g. if you send your daughter to Uni accommodation, she won't be a "good" Muslim. Parents are afraid of this because it tarnishes the family image; they end up being the talk of the community).

I don't know if your parent's reasonings are selfish or selfless.

I'm sorry if this seems too straight up, but you need to get to know your parents. From your post it seems that you don't understand why they act the way they are acting. Maybe if you can understand you can maybe make amends between you and your folks?

Original post by constantine2016

I love my parents but I sometimes question whether they love me. If they loved me they would care what I want. They would respect that I don't want to pray 5 times a day or fast in ramadan or that I don't want to wear a hijab.

This little paragraph really breaks my heart. I'm sorry that you feel this way. You and your parents need to sit down and talk. "If they loved me they would care what I want"; parents natural instinct is to protect their children. Sometimes what you want isn't what is good for you e.g. if you're ill and you want ice-cream and your parents say no. I think that they're being too strict on you but I also think that you're desperately trying to fight for something more. You do have freedom; it's just got rules on it. You can go to University; you have a loan out; those are white flags. You feel suffocated. Is there a lack of positive relationship between you and your parents?

Also, something else; we're all human here. We need human interaction. We need a sense of belonging. So, I'm guessing that's your underlying issue? You don't feel like you can belong with your parents?

Have you considered what your sense of belonging will be once you've left?

I would say don't run from your problems. Family is family; maybe 30 years down the line you'll remember them and you may wish things had turned out differently. But also, in terms of confronting; you need to be mentally strong for it.

If running from this is what you want to do, if you think that leaving this behind, and that you'd be content afterwards is going to help you, then that's your decision to make and I hope it works out. (Though from observational experience, you won't be content; a distant aunt of mine did the same thing; the only time she returned to her blood family was when her mother, diagnosed of brain tumour, passed away. Eventhen, she stayed for the funeral and was gone after.)

If you're planning an escape as your post suggests; part time job. Also, you're a university student. That means you can volunteer whilst gaining cash; I think student ambassadors can get from £7 to £10 an hour. There are also experiments on-campus you can be a participant of and you'd get some cash. You mainly just want to save as much as you can.

Please don't mistake this as something easy. It's going to be hard. You need to look at short term and long term plans.

Short term; keep yourself to yourself. Spend as much time away from the house. If you have extended family, living close by, maybe sleep over once in awhile at theirs. Don't get into arguments with your family.

Have you thought about what you're going to tell them? How are you going to leave? Are you just going to walk through the door and never look back or will you sit them down and say goodbye?

Long term; You want to either get a permanent part time job with a steady income, or a temporary part time job with a graduate position at the end of your degree. Otherwise, you're looking at a bigger mess. You have 1 more year; so save the remainder of your student loan. You want to be in a position that you can put down a deposit on a flat or house, and be able to get a mortgage. From there, you can work your way up.

I hope this was a helpful post.

Reply 222

Josb

6

Original post by JuSt_Do_It_

5) the whole human body losing 21 grams is based around the soul being taken away when death takes place from some research done by scientists if i recall correctly i had to learn this theory of 'God of the Gaps' and the 'soul weighing 21 grams' for my RMS GCSE exam so the fact it can be used in exams is more than enough proof

I call this complete bull.

I asked you to prove that the human body loses 21 grams when it dies, not some vague comments on your GCSE exam or some "if I recall correctly".

Original post by JuSt_Do_It_

hopefully this should please your desire for evidence:
1) http://www.miraclesofthequran.com/scientific_57.html

2) https://www.missionislam.com/science/book.htm

number 2 should help a lot

"miracles of the Quran dot com" used as scientific proof. :lol:

Reply 223

JuSt_Do_It_

2

Original post by RogerOxon

Many terrorists claim that they do it in the name of a religion. Many religions are not peaceful - just look at history. Some still advocate violence, including a significant percentage of Islam.

Frankly anyone that "knows" insulting a prophet is a heinous crime is being incited to violence.

Any random observation that you don't know a scientific explanation for is not proof of a god. Look-up "Pascal's Wager".

The soul doesn't exist, so can't have mass (the gram is a unit of mass, not weight). If any teacher told you otherwise, they have been duped.

Original post by Josb

I call this complete bull.

I asked you to prove that the human body loses 21 grams when it dies, not some vague comments on your GCSE exam or some "if I recall correctly".

"miracles of the Quran dot com" used as scientific proof. :lol:

Okay, as someone who normally minds his own business, I learnt a lot from this chat. I accept that I lost this argument due to lack of evidence but will still stay true to my ideology; for each their own. I wish you a Good day.

By the way the soul part is based around the observation of 21 gram loss to the body weight of a human once death occurs. Here's some evidence i manged to scoop up:

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Duncan_MacDougall_(doctor)

Reply 224

RogerOxon

21

Original post by JuSt_Do_It_

By the way the soul part is based around the observation of 21 gram loss to the body weight of a human once death occurs. Here's some evidence i manged to scoop up:

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Duncan_MacDougall_(doctor)

An observation, made with insufficient scientific rigour, is not evidence for a soul. As you will see from the page that you linked, there are other obvious explanations, assuming that the initial observation were correct - it obviously did not include the measurement of many variables, e.g. body temperature, air humitiy etc.

(edited 7 years ago)

Reply 225

Plantagenet Crown

20

Original post by JuSt_Do_It_

Okay, as someone who normally minds his own business, I learnt a lot from this chat. I accept that I lost this argument due to lack of evidence but will still stay true to my ideology; for each their own. I wish you a Good day.

By the way the soul part is based around the observation of 21 gram loss to the body weight of a human once death occurs. Here's some evidence i manged to scoop up:

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Duncan_MacDougall_(doctor)

Is this some sort of joke? How does that in any way prove there's a soul? A loss of mass is far more likely to be something like air escaping the lungs after death.

In any case, the unproven soul is supposed to be immaterial and would thus not weigh anything..

Reply 226

uberteknik

21

Original post by Plantagenet Crown

Is this some sort of joke? How does that in any way prove there's a soul? A loss of mass is far more likely to be something like air escaping the lungs after death.

In any case, the unproven soul is supposed to be immaterial and would thus not weigh anything..

I also get the impression that this guy is perhaps a troll or is acting as devil's advocate up to a point.

Tactics seem to employ inflammatory and emotive language to goad, use of quite obviously 'krank' sources for his examples, with the most obviously ridiculous assertions taken from the Qur'an which he most likely knows will be picked apart with real scientific evidence and finally capitulating with a sort of polite apology.

Go figure

(edited 7 years ago)

Reply 227

username2763536

15

Original post by JuSt_Do_It_

Okay, as someone who normally minds his own business, I learnt a lot from this chat. I accept that I lost this argument due to lack of evidence but will still stay true to my ideology; for each their own. I wish you a Good day.

By the way the soul part is based around the observation of 21 gram loss to the body weight of a human once death occurs. Here's some evidence i manged to scoop up:

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Duncan_MacDougall_(doctor)

So you have no evidence but you are going to stick with your idealogy? That's the definition of blind faith. As for 21 grams. That's not a lot.You realise that muscles tend to loosen up after death. Including those muscles that control the bowel. Put bluntly people crap themselves after death or there is a loss of fluid or air.Its not the soul.

Reply 228

uberteknik

21

Original post by Robby2312

...........Its not the soul.

But it is the soul - the assoul.

Reply 229

HelloHere

8

Original post by Anonymous

Come on man, cool it. There's no need for such profanities (and before you say anything yeah I'm a muslim too.I'm a studying alimah in my fourth year). Have you ever read anywhere that the prophet Salallahu alahi wasalam acted in such a disgracing or offensive manner? Read this incident and please take heed for you may think little of this comment, but we are being judged as an ummah for what each of us do as we are all members of one body, if one part hurts, we all hurt.

The Prophet Muhammad (pbuh): The Lessons of Non-Violent Resistance at At-Taif
620 C.E. Leaders of Ta’if
Muhammad was received by the three chiefs of the local tribes of Ta’if[1] and they let him freely have his say, however, they paid little heed to his message. After a while they even showed signs of apprehension lest his welcome in Ta’if might embroil them with the Meccans, so they left him to be dealt with by street urchins and the riff raff of the town.

Rejection
By rejecting Muhammad’s religion, the people of Ta’if ordered their children to throw rocks and stones at Muhammad and Zayd to make them leave the city and never come back. Muhammad and Zayd were finally turned out by mocking and jeering crowds. The rocks that were thrown at Muhammad and Zayd by the Ta’if children caused them to bleed. Both were wounded and bleeding as they left Ta’if behind them. Muhammad bled so profusely from the stoning that his feet became clotted to his shoes.
Vineyard
Once Muhammad and Zayd were outside the city walls, Muhammad almost collapsed. They went a short distance outside of the town and stopped in a vineyard that belonged to two Meccans who were there at the time.
The owners of the vineyard had seen Muhammad been persecuted in Mecca and on this occasion they felt some sympathy toward their fellow townsman. He took Muhammad into his hut, dressed his wounds, and let him rest and recuperate until he felt strong enough to resume his journey across the rough terrain between Ta’if and Mecca. It was there that the angel Gabriel came to him with the angel of mountains and said that if Muhammad wanted would blow the mountains over the people of Ta’if.
Muhammad prayed:
After going through such hardship and torment by the people of Taif, the Noble Prophet (pbuh) turned to our Lord and Creator and said:
To You, my Lord,
I complain of my weakness,
lack of support and the humiliation I am made to receive.
Most Compassionate and Merciful!
You are the Lord of the weak,
and you are my Lord.
To whom do You leave me?
To a distant person who receives me with hostility?
Or to an enemy You have given power over me?
As long as you are not displeased with me,
I do not care what I face.
I would, however,
be much happier with Your mercy.
I seek refuge in the light of Your face by which all darkness is
dispelled and both this life and the life to come are put in
their right course against incurring your wrath or being the
subject of your anger.
To You I submit,
until I earn Your pleasure.
Everything is powerless without your support.
No Revenge from the Prophet Muhammad, pbuh.
`Aishah (May Allah be pleased with her) reported: I asked the Prophet (PBUH) “Have you ever experienced a day harder than the day of the battle of Uhud?” He replied, “Indeed, I experienced them (dangers) at the hands of your people (i.e., the disbelievers from amongst the Quraish tribe). The hardest treatment I met from them was on the Day of `Aqabah when I went to Ibn `Abd Yalil bin `Abd Kulal (who was one of the chiefs of Ta’if) with the purpose of inviting him to Islam, but he made no response (to my call). So I departed with deep distress. I did not recover until I arrived at Qarn ath-Tha`alib. There, I raised my head and saw a cloud which had cast its shadow on me. I saw in it Jibril (Gabriel) (PBUH) who called me and said: `Indeed, Allah, the Exalted, heard what your people said to you and the response they made to you. And He has sent you the angel in charge of the mountains to order him to do to them what you wish.’ Then the angel of the mountains called me, greeted me and said: `O Muhammad, Allah listened to what your people had said to you. I am the angel of the mountains, and my Lord has sent me to you so that you may give me your orders. (I will carry out your orders). If you wish I will bring together the two mountains that stand opposite to each other at the extremities of Makkah to crush them in between.”’ But Messenger of Allah (PBUH) said, “I rather hope that Allah will raise from among their descendants people as will worship Allah the One, and will not ascribe partners to Him (in worship).”
[Al-Bukhari and Muslim].
Commentary: In the vicinity of Al-Madinah stands a mountain, called Uhud, where the `Battle of Uhud’ took place. It was in this battle that the Prophet’s face was wounded, one of his molars was broken and he fell into a pit dug by `Amr Ar-Rahib. Besides, his uncle, Hamzah (May Allah be pleased with him) was martyred and the non-muslims mutilated his body.
`Aqabah was a place at Ta’if where Messenger of Allah (PBUH) rode up from Makkah and met the worst experience. Or, it could be that the incident occurred somewhere at Mina where, during the Hajj season, he urged the different clans to accept the message of Islam so as to seek their help to establish the true religion. Qarn Ath-Tha`alib is also the name of a place which is the Miqat (transit-point where pilgrims assume the state of Ihram) of the Najd people.
This Hadith also reflects the marvellous character of Messenger of Allah (PBUH) that he never rebuked the ignorant and those who caused him harm, nor did he ever avenge anybody on grounds of personal hostility. Secondly, he would endure all forms of hardships in the way of Allah with patience and endurance. He never became furious over his harassers, rather he prayed for their guidance. No doubt, the Prophetic life-pattern perennially provides inspiration to preachers and religious instructors. The responsibility of preaching is not a bed of roses but a thorny path to tread on. It is not the welcome and applause which is meted out to him, but people’s taunts, reproaches and insults are heaped on the preacher. Consequently, patience, self-possession, self-control and tolerance are vital to braving trials and tribulations in the way of Allah.
Riyad-us-Saleheen, Chapter 75 and https://imamjohari.wordpress.com/2010/01/13/the-prophet-muhammad-pbuh-the-lessons-of-non-violent-resistance-at-at-taif/
Please calm down and with regards to your views on constantine2016, she's a fellow sister whether she chooses Islam or not. At the end of the day we are all humans and we all belong to the same race. In Islam we are all brothers and sisters whether we are Muslims or not so just imagine some random person coming up to one of your siblings and saying something just as hurtful. There's a reason why we have been told in Islam to think before we speak.

I was going to send this to you in private, but I thought maybe someone else can learn something too.

Please don't hesitate to pull me up or message me if I've said anything out of turn or offensive in this comment to you or anybody else reading this.

What I said was fine. I asked who he was to welcome anyone to Islam because he was being SARCASTIC.

Also, I agree - we are sbeing judged as an ummah which is why posts reinforcing negative views of this being an aggresssive and foreceful religion should not be taken lightly. Thanks for the reminder.

Reply 230

Anonymous #8

Original post by theoneandonlybob

sigh.. so why don't you want to be a good muslim?

theres more to being a good muslim than just praying and wearing hijab

Reply 231

Anonymous #4

Original post by HelloHere

What I said was fine. I asked who he was to welcome anyone to Islam because he was being SARCASTIC.

Also, I agree - we are sbeing judged as an ummah which is why posts reinforcing negative views of this being an aggresssive and foreceful religion should not be taken lightly. Thanks for the reminder.

i understand where you're coming from and the reason non muslims say stuff like that is because they think it's right because of the views of the media. I personally am completely detached from the news because I don't know whose telling the truth and whose lying. Honestly the amount we are being spied on and manipulated by the government is horrendous.

Reply 232

RogerOxon

21

Original post by Anonymous

theres more to being a good muslim than just praying and wearing hijab

Please read the rules on anonymous posting.

Reply 233

Spheniscidae2039

10

OP why not call student finance and see if you can change your application? It's worth a try surely. You could also contact the student support services at your uni and explain your situation.

(edited 7 years ago)

Reply 234

Awesome50

8

Original post by constantine2016

I think I am a good Muslim. I don't drink, eat pork, I still dress modestly, and I don't sleep around. I give money to charities as well. My parents think I'm Satan's servant because I don't pray or wear a hijab. I've seen girls wearing hijab making out with boys in public while their bottoms are fondled. Yet they are seen as the picture of modesty whilst I am treated like a whore when I've never even dated.

I see what your saying, and there are a lot of hijabis that behave immodestly but praying is still important. Covering yourself correctly is also part of the religion. I don't think the importance of prayer is stressed enough these days. The second pillar of Islam.

(edited 7 years ago)

Reply 235

Thelegend28

4

Original post by Muwahid-

Two points here :

1) Controlling every aspect of your life (if true) is extreme, especially if it's in simple matters.

2) Why should they respect the fact you don't want to pray? Or wear the hijab?

Subhan'Allah is that shaykh Uthaymeen rahimahullah? May Allah reward him.

Reply 236

Anonymous #9

Original post by MarilynKhan

Ahh the media hates us. Great victim card. Give me examples of how mainstream media such as the BBC, Guardian etc portray Islam in a bad light.

You really don't need to be brainwashed to see the dark side of religion. I just needed to read the Quran!

"I just needed to read the Quran"... which you've probably never studied and don't understand...

Reply 237

Anonymous #9

Original post by username2981082

Sorry. This is going to be a very ranting and long post. My parents are always giving me lectures on how I am not a good enough Muslim. They don't like the way I dress even though I dress very modestly. I just don't wear a hijab. They don't like my university friends either and they don't like the fact that I don't pray. They basically hate who I really am.

They also emotionally blackmail me by stating all of the things they've done and sacrificed for me. My mum likes to mention a lot how she has financially supported me through university. My dad also says that it hurts him everyday to see what I've become. Statements like this makes me feel guilty and makes me hate myself for being a bad daughter. When they start guilt-tripping me like this I feel like a terrible person for accepting money from them. I have bipolar as well so when they do stuff like this it makes things ten times worse.

They also like to control every single facet of my life. They control my haircut, my clothing, the time I go to sleep, want to know where I'm going and then set a time when I'm meant to be home. They even want to control who I will marry (I don't even want to get :dolphin:

ing married).

I love my parents but I sometimes question whether they love me. If they loved me they would care what I want. They would respect that I don't want to pray 5 times a day or fast in ramadan or that I don't want to wear a hijab.

I want to move out but I'm not financially stable to move out yet. I still have one more year of university left before I can graduate, get a job, and then move out. Even then I'm not sure if I'll be strong enough to be able to withstand the emotional blackmail they'll use to get me to stay and continue being controlled by them.

How do I try and cope with them for another year?

Just isn't blackmail though... try to look at it from their perspective.

Reply 238

Anonymous #9

Original post by RogerOxon

Many terrorists claim that they do it in the name of a religion. Many religions are not peaceful - just look at history. Some still advocate violence, including a significant percentage of Islam.

Frankly anyone that "knows" insulting a prophet is a heinous crime is being incited to violence.

Any random observation that you don't know a scientific explanation for is not proof of a god. Look-up "Pascal's Wager".

The soul doesn't exist, so can't have mass (the gram is a unit of mass, not weight). If any teacher told you otherwise, they have been duped.

"Many religions are not peaceful - just look at history."... The country you live in was probably founded upon violence and so were some of the political ideologies you follow today...