Sunday Morning

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Bretwalda Oswald
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#1
Report Thread starter 4 years ago
#1
Sunday Morning
Sunday morning, that time when one is yanked
From the warm bosom of sombre slumber,
To prepare oneself for a meeting with the Maker,
A Maker that does not show his face, and will not
Speak to his helpless underlings. Dumb God,
Deaf God. God who can neither see nor hear.
Weak God, worthless God, who cannot help,
Who cannot heal. Weary God, wicked God,
God who turns away his face, and leaves
The suffering servant to his sorry, sordid state.

A congregation of hollow-hearted hypocrites,
Of insincere and artificial men. A shallow emotionalism,
A spontaneous organisation of hysterical outburst,
Conniving conductors and music-makers who outdo
The man of Hamelin. A savage sensuality, a brutal bigotry,
A sickening sermon, a baying mob. Where herd animality meets
Revolting religiosity. Save me now.
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Michiyo
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#2
Report 4 years ago
#2
(Original post by Bretwalda Oswald)
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Just a bit of constructive criticism.

First, you made a small spelling mistake. Whenever referring to God, you capitalise the pronouns. 'He,' 'Him,' and 'His.'

Albeit I agree that the way you used 'weak God' and so forth is good to add effect, I feel you overdid it this time. You used it so many times it became hard to bother reading all the adjectives you used to describe God.

I feel like the poem is a reflection of your own state: you are going through a hard time and lack faith in God because you feel he is not helping you.

If that is the case, hold on and do your best. Life will get better, I promise! :cube: (My life used to suck too, but I just did my own thing and now my life is actually fine )
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TheYearNiner
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#3
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#3
If you keep denouncing God you will regret it one day.
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