Too shy for uni :|

11

Ill keep this short otherwise it will just turn into a big fat moan :p:

I arrived at uni yesterday and since then i haven't really met many people and tbh its probably my own fault, i just cant help being really really shy and i cant build up the confidence to speak to new people.

I've never really had any confidence meeting new people and as a result over the past few years i haven't made any new friends, but not they're all at different uni's :eek:

Anyone got any tips for boosting confidence so i might stand a chance of not being a loner for the next 5 years? :smile:

Reply 1

Jackathon

Well, you might find it easier to make friends once you start lessons. Like minded people who like the same course as you! If not, try and go out if you get invited, just knock on the room next door, with alcohol in your hands!

Being intoxicated might help. :wink:

Good luck. :smile:

Reply 2

kitty_koo

12

im in the same position as you OP, ive always been shy so i dont find it easy making friends or even talking to people i dont know :redface:

but try and go to as many nights out during freshers week as you can- you'll meet loads of people there and all the alcohol makes it easier to talk to people :p:

Reply 3

fly4fun

8

Reply 4

Leigh.

12

I was the same as you when I first moved into uni,, I came to Cardiff on the last day so all my flatmates knew each other well and it was difficult for me to get a word in. However after a week everythings fine, I get on with my flatmates because I said the whole 'how are you' conversation starter which gets them talking, it's best to do it in the kitchen when they're cooking, cleaning or whatever. Try talking to them individually or when there are two of them, and then it's easier to stay in the conversation.

Going out at night is also a good way of making friends, just try and talk to the guy next to you at the bar when ordering drink, ask what course their doing, what halls they're staying at, that sort of thing.

Then when the course starts you'll find everyone talks to the people next to them in the lecture hall, it's easy usually to chat with them because you should have quite a bit in common.

Good luck :smile:

Reply 5

ph9

10

the way to do it is the hard way. put yourself out there, take the plunge, go out when you're invited somewhere... if you're not invited (because of your quiet-ness) go out anyway. you approach people. chances are if you're shy it would probably do you some good to drink a little too, just to help you with the confidence part.

Reply 6

FoeGeddaBowDeet

There's only one way to fix your shyness and you already know what it is. I know it will be hard, but you have to do it for your sake. Plus, you'll have a lot more fun in the long run.

Reply 7

Mr. Mortell

11

Get some cake and start offering it to people! Thats what I did! Now everyone knows me! Haha :smile:

Reply 8

wtid

I was exactly the same before I started uni, hated the thought of going, was even thinking of pulling out but I decided against it. Got there and just got talking to my housemates and over time my shyness went away. Went out whenever they wanted to (most of the time I didn't want to go though) and like I said, over time I was ok. Just takes a while until everything has sorted out I reckon :smile:

Reply 9

Grey Area

I'm in a similar position, still haven't completely got over the shyness (haven't done any clubbing yet- thats my next challenge) but as far as meeting people goes, I'm liking clubs. If the idea of sports clubs is offputting to you, may I suggest a japanese martial art? People have to show a certain amount of respect as soon as you're in the dojo (training hall), it's part of the etiquette of japanese arts. I found that helps make it less intimidating (I do karate at home, thinking of joining the jitsu club at uni). I'm liking the look of the Aikido and Jiu jitsu clubs on the southampton website. Usually theres a good social side to these clubs, they attract a wide range of people, and you don't have to be super fit. It looks like theres a gliding club too. Having practically grown up at a cliding club, I can tell you theres a great social side to gliding, all sorts of people do it, you can get away with being a scruffy oddball and still fit in, and the actual gliding bit is not as hard as you'd think.
As a bonus, being able to effortlessly throw and pin someone twice your size/fly an aircraft is a great confidence booster.
Sorry if I've gone on a bit, but I though specific suggestions might be more interesting.
http://www.sugc.net/
http://www.soton.ac.uk/~aikido/instructors.html
http://www.soton.ac.uk/~jitsu/index.php?page=aboutjitsu
http://www.soton.ac.uk/~shorin/
http://www.soton.ac.uk/~shkempo/

Reply 10

Kittennffc

15

You've got to make the effort, even if you're shy, force yourself to talk to people and make friends!

There was a guy on my course who literally never spoke to anyone, unless the tutor asked him something, never made eye contact, and just sat in the corner. He was just rude though, I once got up to pass him the signing in sheet and he didn't even say thankyou or look at me. Another time I was put in his group to discuss an article we'd been asked to read, so when I asked if he had any ideas he just mumbled that he hadn't read it and sat staring at his piece of paper.

This is a cautionary tale - make the effort or you might end up like this!

Reply 11

iodine

8

May I rant as well?

Having something of the opposite problem. Having met lots and lots of people everything and everyone is somewhat of an alchol induced blur. Slowly managing to get everyones name!

Freshers week is so incredibly odd and somewhat superficial. When else would you rave with people you have never met!

Reply 12

wtid

iodine

Freshers week is so incredibly odd and somewhat superficial. When else would you rave with people you have never met!

Would assume that will be every Friday and Saturday night for most people :wink:

Reply 13

Matteh

iodine

Freshers week is so incredibly odd and somewhat superficial. When else would you rave with people you have never met!

I'm writing you a prescription to be drunk more. Only later will you realise you had no idea why you're on the beach but you know it was fun nonetheless.

Reply 14

Alvane

*Mike*

Ill keep this short otherwise it will just turn into a big fat moan :p:

I arrived at uni yesterday and since then i haven't really met many people and tbh its probably my own fault, i just cant help being really really shy and i cant build up the confidence to speak to new people.

I've never really had any confidence meeting new people and as a result over the past few years i haven't made any new friends, but not they're all at different uni's :eek:

Anyone got any tips for boosting confidence so i might stand a chance of not being a loner for the next 5 years? :smile:

Wow, it's like looking into a mirror! I feel like I'm in exactly the same situation as you :eek:

- I'm doing Computer Science at Southampton.

I've always had a lack of confidence and always been really shy. I'm fine when I'm online, but in real life, I just can't pluck up the courage to do what needs to be done. Furthermore, I don't like drinking or clubbing so I'm already out of the main crowds.

I always worry too much and can never pluck up the courage to say hello or even get started, and even if I did, I can never think of the right things to say :frown:

I just wish I could find even one good friend at university. I've found a few people who I can talk to through the induction events on my course, but most of them I wont see them much on my course as they're doing Electrical Engineering. Like what you've written, I hadn't made any new friends at my last school since the friends I had when I started, and now they've all gone.

Reply 15

randomreg

6

If you want a cheap ice-breaker bribe, buy a 10-pack or two of doughnuts down the supermarket and give them to peeps. It's only about a quid per pack, so it's much cheaper than buying everyone drinks! In my experience, it's more appreciated too. Strange, but true.

Check out these links for confidence boosts and the like:
Ririan Project
TheSite.org
To-Done!
iVillage

And for a few tips on meeting and making friends, check How to Win Freshers & Influence Students on my site.

Hope it helps!

Reply 16

Robob

17

randomreg

If you want a cheap ice-breaker bribe, buy a 10-pack or two of doughnuts down the supermarket and give them to peeps. It's only about a quid per pack, so it's much cheaper than buying everyone drinks! In my experience, it's more appreciated too. Strange, but true.

Check out these links for confidence boosts and the like:
Ririan Project
TheSite.org
To-Done!
iVillage

And for a few tips on meeting and making friends, check How to Win Freshers & Influence Students on my site.

Hope it helps!

I'll give you a doughnut, you give me a drink.

Sorted.

Reply 17

username85555

15

Learn to cook something wicked, and everyone will want to know you :smile:

Reply 18

Nally

10

I found the bunfight madness at southampton today rather daunting and overwhelming and I'm a member of staff and have been an on and off student there for seven years so I can sympathise with everyone feeling shy and feeling a bit like they want to run away and hide! It will get easier once Freshers madness dies down a bit, people will settle down into more of a routine and realise that the 'friends' they made in freshers week are actually randoms who they won't speak to again. It is this time when I think most friendships are made so hang on in there!

Mike (and others at Southampton) I'm always on campus (I work in student services building) so if anyone fancies a coffee or a magners and a chat in the stags then just drop me a line here!

xx

Too shy for uni :|

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