the fear of university is killing me

i am kind of shy well not really maybe people say i'm out going etc but i don't know i hardly go out right now (maybe once a month with friends) and the prospect of university is killing me? I love my family and even things like going for an eye test a parent comes with me ( is that weird?) and i am just thinking about arriving at university or on placements (ill have to move to different towns for my placements) and having to find the places myself, find my hospital i'm on placement on myself, just not really having many people i know...

my firm is 4 hours away from me and that's what is making me anxious. if i was an hour away it wouldn't be too bad, but i won't be! and i can't turn back now. My friends say this is exactly what i need and i agree with them but am so scared of constantly moving about and being alone .

Reply 1

EmmaCx

Original post by Lucyjjx

I'm moving seven hours away for University, so I know how scary it is! It can be hard to think that from September onwards we won't have that safety net. But remember, there are so many resources out there to help us. If we don't know where to go; we can use google maps, can nip into tourist places etc. It is going to be tough, but everyone is going to be in the same boat. Even the most confident person will be nervous of going to University.

Just remember that everyone is going to want to make friends. Other people will be really putting themselves out there in a bid to get friends. If you make the effort - you will make friends! Join some Facebook groups just now, and see if you can meet people through that. I am currently speaking to people who will be going to my University through a Facebook group. You could always then arrange to meet up with those people during Freshers and it'd be someone else to help you make friends.

Consider practicing navigating around locally. Make a plan for the day -> "I will find out what bus I need to go to [shop name]. I will then take the bus to my required stop. I will then ask someone that works there for help finding an item". It sounds really daft, but it can be really good practice. It will push you out your comfort zone, but that isn't a bad thing. As someone whom was painfully shy through high school I thought it would be impossible to gain confidence. However over the years, I kept pushing myself out there little by little. Now I am a lot more confident. I've even been on holidays abroad with friends, when before I was petrified just to go round to see them (because I'd see their family).

You will be homesick when you get to university, but a lot of people will be in the same boat. So you'll likely come together and support each other through that - great time to bond with flatmates etc. There will be so much going on at first that you'll have a lot of distractions. Look to see what sort of societies you are interested in, and then on Freshers make sure to pop along to their events. Societies will be holding events for people to meet each other, meet the current members, and get involved. You could even try reaching out to societies just now through Facebook and talking to them - I found asking societies at my university really helpful, I found out a lot more about the local area and what the university is like.

If you don't particularly enjoy going out partying and clubbing, there'll also be a lot of other events for you to participate in. So try not to get worried that you won't be able to make friends if you're not a party animal. There'll be a lot of people who don't drink or go out for numerous reasons.

Try and build your independence up while you're at home, so you have the skills when you go to university. Start learning how to cook a variety of meals - great fun! Start booking and making appointments by yourself. Start making baby steps and it really will go a long way.

Reply 2

doodle_333

If you're not very independent then moving away will be hard - but your friends are right - it's important you learn to do things alone. You will have friends and flatmates to help you out at uni if you get genuinely stuck and 4 hours isn't so far that you can't come home for a weekend if you want to and are missing your family (obviously you shouldn't rely on this but it's nice to feel you have a back up option sometimes). Finding a career very close by your parents isn't always realistic and uni is a really good stepping stone between complete independence and living with parents so it's important to take that step.

For now you could try and be actively more independent e.g. attending appointments by yourself, taking trains etc so that you feel more confident when you move away. When you get to university focus on keeping busy as this will help the homesickness. It will be hard but lots of people ar ein the same boat and you have to make the jump to indepdendence one day!

Reply 3

AmyAmy123

Original post by Lucyjjx

Please try not to worry about it, it does all seem quite scary before you go but it's honestly not that bad. I was very similar to you before a went to uni, I would always look to my parents to talk to people in shops etc and kind of hide behind them, but uni has really helped. I am about 3 hours away from home and am becoming a lot more independent. You don't really need to practise before you go but if you think it would help them give it a go. A couple of weeks in to my first term my phone screen broke and obviously my parents weren't there so I had to get it fixed on my own which seemed kind of scary but I just got on and did it, I couldn't really go round with a shattered screen until I went home so had no other option really. Also if I want to go home I have to go to the station and ask for train tickets myself which I would never really know how to do before. My point being your parents aren't there to help anymore so you just kind of get on with it and gradually become more independent without really realising it. When I'm home it's still nice to go places with my parents but it's not so bad really :smile:

Reply 4

username2400835

Original post by Lucyjjx

I moved 4 hours away too, and socially I was quite awkward despite people who knew me saying I'm outgoing. Infact everything you've said sounds kinda similar. My best advice would be to just let go. You're in the same position as even the most popular people because nobody will know eachother so put on an act, pretend to be confident and put yourself out there.

Trust me it's scary as hell but you will meet people if you try. Plus you meet people throughout the year so don't worry about making best friends during freshers. As for finding where things are, don't be afraid to just wonder around the city, even on you're own. I do all the time and after nearly 8 months of living here there's still places I've not been and new things I stumble across.

So yeah, just let go, put yourself out there and trust yourself. You'll do great.

the fear of university is killing me

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