Long term relationshp - do I still love him?

You'd have thought that this would be an easy question for me to answer for myself, but it isn't.

We have been together for almost a year and a half, were each other's first proper girl/boyfriend, love, and sexual experince [of any kind]. We've both jus moved from home to go to different uni, but unis in the same five mile vicinity [closer than we were before]

He is kind, caring, sensitive, never puts pressure on me and is generally understanding of my worries and problems. Sounds perfect, right?

That's the problem.. I think I still love him in a sort of irrational way, I still care for him, I don't hate him, there are no general faults in his personality... it's just that his personality paired with mine causes problems. He's easy going, confident and care free but I'm anxious, get tense and stressed easily, and suffer from slight depression and anxiety/panic problems.

He honestly thinks we'll stay together forever, get married, live together etc but I'm not so sure. I don't feel as if he knows me fully and that long term our differences would drive us crazy. I can't stand how laid back he is about some things [ie losing important things, not sending his student loan for off for months, breaking things sometimes] when I am insanely organised etc.

Our relationship has gone on far too long for it to be an easy split and I don't know how I'd live without him in my life, but a the same time I know that as things are now I can't live with him either.

Reply 1

Anonymous #1

Ok, to ask an actual question:

Considering there is no one else I want to be with, and that if I broke up with him I'd purposely avoid another relationship, does the fact that I generally enjoy this guy's company make it ok to be in a relationship that won't last? [I feel guilty for tagging him along... friendship would be ideal but our past makes hat near impossible]

Reply 2

username47781

But if you are not happy then stringing him along is not the right thing to do. It seems also you are trying to pick small faults in him, that tells me you are not happy and you feel a bit trapped. You can't stay in a relationship just for the sake of being in one.

Reply 3

strawberry_wise

At the end of the day, it's not little personality differences that really matter (btw I can totally emphasise with you on the laid back, not sending loan forms back etc thing, my fella does this and, yes, it drives me NUTS). But these are just stupid little things, in a way I find them quite endearing, because I love him. But it sounds like you don't really love your boyfriend. :frown:

It's very possible to care very deeply about someone but in your heart of hearts know that there just isn't that connection and that love that will keep you going through anything. Clearly this is making you unhappy and it's not really fair on you or your boyfriend. Rock Fan is right, it sounds like you just want to stick with this for the sake of being in a relationship, or because you are scared of being alone, but it sounds to me like it's just dragging you down. Who knows how you will feel after you split with him, or in a week's time, or in a month's time? It could be the start of an amazing phase of your life. Equally, you could be totally miserable without him, and realise that you do actually want to be with him, in which case you might be able to get him back (risky, but it happens a lot, everyday, all around the world). But I think it's worth taking a chance rather than living in what seems like a depressing relationship. Good luck whatever you decide :smile: