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I'm Not OK
I need someone to talk to.
I'm worried, because I'm not OK.
I'm ill, I don't know if it's in my mind or physical, and I'm so scared.
I am having suicidal thoughts and it's taking all my strength not to go and drug myself to death, either with recreational drugs (I haven't taken any in my life...guess you should try everything once) or medicinal. I'm on the eighteenth floor at Uni accomodation and I'm so scared that I won't be able to resist...
I find it hard to be happy, even when doing something I know I should be enjoying I am often close to tears. I am lonely- not in that I'm on my own, I'm not but I can't connect and I just feel that I'm different, socially not all there and that just makes me want to lock myself in my room which makes me feel worse in a vicious circle.
I can't sleep, and I find it hard to concentrate on anything.
I am new to this City, and I don't know where I can go or what I can do, and I'm so so scared...
I'm worried, because I'm not OK.
I'm ill, I don't know if it's in my mind or physical, and I'm so scared.
I am having suicidal thoughts and it's taking all my strength not to go and drug myself to death, either with recreational drugs (I haven't taken any in my life...guess you should try everything once) or medicinal. I'm on the eighteenth floor at Uni accomodation and I'm so scared that I won't be able to resist...
I find it hard to be happy, even when doing something I know I should be enjoying I am often close to tears. I am lonely- not in that I'm on my own, I'm not but I can't connect and I just feel that I'm different, socially not all there and that just makes me want to lock myself in my room which makes me feel worse in a vicious circle.
I can't sleep, and I find it hard to concentrate on anything.
I am new to this City, and I don't know where I can go or what I can do, and I'm so so scared...
Scroll to see replies
Reply 1
PM me if you want to talk... Obviously not an expert or anything, but I've been through a depression and an ED, and used to see a doctor about it on a regular basis.. 
Reply 2
I'm not going to pretend I know anything about what you're going through or how to help, but I suggest you seek some sort of professional help ASAP.
Reply 3
how long have u felt like this for?
Reply 4
I don't know where to get professional help...it's a new city, I'm not even registered with a GP yet.
I think I might have bi-polar disorder, that's been like that a year or so, but this is worse than I've felt before. I've been suicidal, but not this bad. I had my first aid kit out, looking at what would happen if I took all the painkillers I have (I have regular headaches due to my old epilepsy, a bad leg, bad ankles, and bad period pains, so I keep quite a lot) and I am so so so scared.
I think I might have bi-polar disorder, that's been like that a year or so, but this is worse than I've felt before. I've been suicidal, but not this bad. I had my first aid kit out, looking at what would happen if I took all the painkillers I have (I have regular headaches due to my old epilepsy, a bad leg, bad ankles, and bad period pains, so I keep quite a lot) and I am so so so scared.
Reply 5
Please ring the Samaritans I'm sure they would help you in the right direction if you're new to the city.
Do you have Student Support etc, would there be someone there that could help.
Take care.
Do you have Student Support etc, would there be someone there that could help.
Take care.
Reply 6
Don't take painkillers or anything like that
Trust me it's not pretty
It could be bi-polar but don't go down that road until you are sure. I stressed myself out because I was convinced I was bi-polar and it turned out I was fine. I'm not saying you don't have a problem as you obviously do but worrying aboot it will make it worst
Think of whatever makes you happiest that DOESN'T hurt you and do it
Then find help ASAP as others have said
Trust me it's not pretty
It could be bi-polar but don't go down that road until you are sure. I stressed myself out because I was convinced I was bi-polar and it turned out I was fine. I'm not saying you don't have a problem as you obviously do but worrying aboot it will make it worst
Think of whatever makes you happiest that DOESN'T hurt you and do it
Then find help ASAP as others have said
Reply 7
OK so You've Done.. some sort of medication!! Drugs of one sort another didnt do anything for your!!?
Reply 8
No they didn't it's not a good idea
A good idea is getting help and getting back on track, don't throw away a decent life unnecessarily, find things to live for
A good idea is getting help and getting back on track, don't throw away a decent life unnecessarily, find things to live for
Reply 9
13
Id get help as soon as, there's so many other things to live for and think of how strong you will be after coming through all your troubles.
Reply 10
13
Get professional help as soon as you can. Once you're in therapy and are taking the appropriate medication you can wonder about the meaning of your life. As things stand, you're in no condition to do so. If you value the feelings of all your friends and family, bite the bullet and get help. It will be the best decision you ever took.
Reply 11
You need to get some good, practical advice ASAP, i'd say ring the Samaritans or email them, [email protected], you're going to be ok
Reply 12
I know exactly what you mean because I feel the same way right now. The only thing that helps when I get like this is distract myself long enough to stop panicking and calm down. Call your friends or family and chat about anything - you don't have to explain to them how you're feeling if you don't want to. Hearing their voice could help. It's scary being like this in a new place, I know.
Reply 13
Another thing...I don't know if this is the same for you, but sometimes I think the fear of committing suicide is sort of an anxiety thing. When you have anxiety and depression together sometimes it can make you scared of losing control because it's such an easy thing to do. Just remember, you're always totally in control of what you're doing.
Reply 14
Anonymous
I need someone to talk to.
I'm worried, because I'm not OK.
I'm ill, I don't know if it's in my mind or physical, and I'm so scared.
I am having suicidal thoughts and it's taking all my strength not to go and drug myself to death, either with recreational drugs (I haven't taken any in my life...guess you should try everything once) or medicinal. I'm on the eighteenth floor at Uni accomodation and I'm so scared that I won't be able to resist...
I find it hard to be happy, even when doing something I know I should be enjoying I am often close to tears. I am lonely- not in that I'm on my own, I'm not but I can't connect and I just feel that I'm different, socially not all there and that just makes me want to lock myself in my room which makes me feel worse in a vicious circle.
I can't sleep, and I find it hard to concentrate on anything.
I am new to this City, and I don't know where I can go or what I can do, and I'm so so scared...
I'm worried, because I'm not OK.
I'm ill, I don't know if it's in my mind or physical, and I'm so scared.
I am having suicidal thoughts and it's taking all my strength not to go and drug myself to death, either with recreational drugs (I haven't taken any in my life...guess you should try everything once) or medicinal. I'm on the eighteenth floor at Uni accomodation and I'm so scared that I won't be able to resist...
I find it hard to be happy, even when doing something I know I should be enjoying I am often close to tears. I am lonely- not in that I'm on my own, I'm not but I can't connect and I just feel that I'm different, socially not all there and that just makes me want to lock myself in my room which makes me feel worse in a vicious circle.
I can't sleep, and I find it hard to concentrate on anything.
I am new to this City, and I don't know where I can go or what I can do, and I'm so so scared...
Apart from the recreational drugs bit and plus many other things that you didn't say. I'm on the top floor too and to say that the thought of throwing myself out the window hasn't crossed my mind, would be lying. I wouldn't do that though but I am scared that I will OD on medicinal drugs because I have many times before in bids to end all this unhappiness and hopefully go to a better place. No-one here would notice if I did it and no-one would care either. It could be weeks until anyone would find what's left of me...Was supposed to register with my department today for my course (I'm a fresher in a strange city, everything is strange) but never made it to the uni because I was sick twice from a family illness, had a few panic attacks and crying fits and then took the wrong bus to God knows where, somewhere in the City but I had no idea where it was and it took me hours to get home again. Flatmates are theifing and very disrespectful too and I don't know what to do apart from wanting to curl up into a ball and die.
Reply 15
Anonymous
I need someone to talk to.
I'm worried, because I'm not OK.
I'm ill, I don't know if it's in my mind or physical, and I'm so scared.
I am having suicidal thoughts and it's taking all my strength not to go and drug myself to death, either with recreational drugs (I haven't taken any in my life...guess you should try everything once) or medicinal. I'm on the eighteenth floor at Uni accomodation and I'm so scared that I won't be able to resist...
I find it hard to be happy, even when doing something I know I should be enjoying I am often close to tears. I am lonely- not in that I'm on my own, I'm not but I can't connect and I just feel that I'm different, socially not all there and that just makes me want to lock myself in my room which makes me feel worse in a vicious circle.
I can't sleep, and I find it hard to concentrate on anything.
I am new to this City, and I don't know where I can go or what I can do, and I'm so so scared...
I'm worried, because I'm not OK.
I'm ill, I don't know if it's in my mind or physical, and I'm so scared.
I am having suicidal thoughts and it's taking all my strength not to go and drug myself to death, either with recreational drugs (I haven't taken any in my life...guess you should try everything once) or medicinal. I'm on the eighteenth floor at Uni accomodation and I'm so scared that I won't be able to resist...
I find it hard to be happy, even when doing something I know I should be enjoying I am often close to tears. I am lonely- not in that I'm on my own, I'm not but I can't connect and I just feel that I'm different, socially not all there and that just makes me want to lock myself in my room which makes me feel worse in a vicious circle.
I can't sleep, and I find it hard to concentrate on anything.
I am new to this City, and I don't know where I can go or what I can do, and I'm so so scared...
aww poor chicken
muchly.I know how you must feel.
You say you're at uni, I'm sure they'd have health professionals there...I know my uni has an oncampus cousellor and it's free! so it's great.
You should look into that, maybe look around your uni's website if you dont wanna ask someone face to face yet.
The urge to kill oneself can be so strong sometimes and when everyting seems to be going wrong it seems like the only way out, but it's not, it's really not.
You just need some support...professional and social/emotional support. Do you have friends in real life? If not, make some online .
anyway PM me or add me to msn, dont be afraid of the way you feel.
Reply 16
16
Believe me, I KNOW how you feel...I've been there, some elements in your post sound very familiar, but it CAN be overcome - that is one of the most important things to remember, because the human mind will always overcome an issue eventually, because it is designed for survival, but of course, please do get counselling, I'm sure you would benefit.
Reply 17
Remember all the good things before you started feeling bad, all the good times, you CAN make it all well again, just hang in there, things can only get better now, not worse.
Acknowledging that something isn't right is the first step to finding your way back. Think of it as survival, be strong and you'll make it.
You WILL be happy again.
And like everyone else mentionned, talk to someone, be it your university's counsellor (and maybe they can also arrange some new accomodation for you, as you don't get along with your flatmates), or a samaritan, or any other professional.
;grouphugs;
Acknowledging that something isn't right is the first step to finding your way back. Think of it as survival, be strong and you'll make it.
You WILL be happy again.
And like everyone else mentionned, talk to someone, be it your university's counsellor (and maybe they can also arrange some new accomodation for you, as you don't get along with your flatmates), or a samaritan, or any other professional.
;grouphugs;
Reply 18
Hey there chick,
Sorry that you're having such a hard time. Today, there are just 3 things that I would recommend you do.
Firstly, I would like you to go to the nearest GP practice and impress upon the receptionist the urgency of you both registering and seeing a doctor right away. If your university has it's own recommended surgery, try that one first as they will be more aware and used to some of the issues that you are battling. Tell the doctor that you have been having suicidal thoughts and that you're scared of losing control. S/he will probably then ask you a series of questions to ascertain your current state of mind and situation. Don't be scared to answer them truthfully, don't feel like you have to hide your emotions. If you want to cry, then do. The doctor will probably then suggest a course of anti-depressants. This is a good thing. You are not failing yourself by having the aid of some medicine for a while. You are being strong by recognising that this is a positive way forward. Feel good about yourself for taking the first step of a journey to get back on track.
Secondly, do some research on the support mechanisms at your uni. Look at the uni webpages and also your student union pages. Do you feel able to tell us which uni you are at? For example, if you were at Birmingham, I'd be able to give you much more direct advice about what you can access and what to expect. If you doctor doesn't mention it, ask him/her about getting access to counselling.
Thirdly, go back to your flat, have a bath, a bit of a sleep and chill out and then knock on the door of your next door neighbour, or someone else that you may have seen as being nice, and say "I was thinking of getting a DVD out tonight - fancy watching anything?" If you don't feel up to this, don't worry, but it might help to forge a bit of a friendship and to make you feel less lonely. With a DVD there isn't the forced awkward conversations, and you can just lose yourself in the movie.
If you want to PM me, please do and I'll try and help.
You can do this. Remember that you are special to lots of people, and that everyone's lives are interlinked. Mine has already been touched by yours.
Best wishes for a better day today,
Cxx
Sorry that you're having such a hard time. Today, there are just 3 things that I would recommend you do.
Firstly, I would like you to go to the nearest GP practice and impress upon the receptionist the urgency of you both registering and seeing a doctor right away. If your university has it's own recommended surgery, try that one first as they will be more aware and used to some of the issues that you are battling. Tell the doctor that you have been having suicidal thoughts and that you're scared of losing control. S/he will probably then ask you a series of questions to ascertain your current state of mind and situation. Don't be scared to answer them truthfully, don't feel like you have to hide your emotions. If you want to cry, then do. The doctor will probably then suggest a course of anti-depressants. This is a good thing. You are not failing yourself by having the aid of some medicine for a while. You are being strong by recognising that this is a positive way forward. Feel good about yourself for taking the first step of a journey to get back on track.
Secondly, do some research on the support mechanisms at your uni. Look at the uni webpages and also your student union pages. Do you feel able to tell us which uni you are at? For example, if you were at Birmingham, I'd be able to give you much more direct advice about what you can access and what to expect. If you doctor doesn't mention it, ask him/her about getting access to counselling.
Thirdly, go back to your flat, have a bath, a bit of a sleep and chill out and then knock on the door of your next door neighbour, or someone else that you may have seen as being nice, and say "I was thinking of getting a DVD out tonight - fancy watching anything?" If you don't feel up to this, don't worry, but it might help to forge a bit of a friendship and to make you feel less lonely. With a DVD there isn't the forced awkward conversations, and you can just lose yourself in the movie.
If you want to PM me, please do and I'll try and help.
You can do this. Remember that you are special to lots of people, and that everyone's lives are interlinked. Mine has already been touched by yours.
Best wishes for a better day today,
Cxx
Reply 19
Thank you everyone. I'm going to find the surgery on my daily walk today, because I do need help. I'd rep you all, but that could take a few weeks, you've all been so helpful!
I am still very very scared, but I think I'm a little more rational now. I seem to swing from totally rational and normal to irrational suicidal maniac
Thanks again everyone, I'll try and follow your advice.
I am still very very scared, but I think I'm a little more rational now. I seem to swing from totally rational and normal to irrational suicidal maniac
Thanks again everyone, I'll try and follow your advice.
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