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Should I just go home?
I started uni on Saturday and I have found it to be full of highs and lows. I worked so hard to get to Oxford and now that I am hear I feel it would be such a waste to give it all up and go home -- BUT -- I am not happy.
I have social anxiety and find it really difficult to introduce myself to new people and socialise. I freak out in intensive social situations and find it absolutely impossible to try and integrate into a group of students. If someone is on their own, I have no problem talking and introducing myself. However, if everyone is in groups (which seems to be the case....) I just stand there by myself looking like a ****** because I can't pluck up the courage to introduce myself.
Anyway, I seem to be spending most of freshers week tucked away in my room. My room is kind of separate from all the other freshers, which doesn't help. I'm not confident enough to go out at night or sit in the bar by myself.
I can't figure out what to do. I miss my family and friends IMMENSELY but I know that if I go home I wouldn't be that happy either - all my friends are at uni now so I will be stuck at home alone. On the other hand, the social experience I am having here isn't great either. What should I do?
I have social anxiety and find it really difficult to introduce myself to new people and socialise. I freak out in intensive social situations and find it absolutely impossible to try and integrate into a group of students. If someone is on their own, I have no problem talking and introducing myself. However, if everyone is in groups (which seems to be the case....) I just stand there by myself looking like a ****** because I can't pluck up the courage to introduce myself.
Anyway, I seem to be spending most of freshers week tucked away in my room. My room is kind of separate from all the other freshers, which doesn't help. I'm not confident enough to go out at night or sit in the bar by myself.
I can't figure out what to do. I miss my family and friends IMMENSELY but I know that if I go home I wouldn't be that happy either - all my friends are at uni now so I will be stuck at home alone. On the other hand, the social experience I am having here isn't great either. What should I do?
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Hey.
Look, it's bound to be very hard when you first start at university. You'd be surprised at how many people struggle and have thoughts like you're having.
But going home isn't going to acheive anything. At some point you're going to have to go to university (or work in Tesco, it's up to you) and since you've managed to get yourself into such a good one it really would be a shame to sacrifice it. At some point in your life you're going to have to leave the comfort of home and do things that make you uncomfortable, just think of this as a hurdle that you have to overcome. And when you do, it'll make future social challenges easier for you to cope with.
I'm sorry to hear you're having such a hard time, but stick at it. A few months down the line you can review the situation, but for now take each day as it comes. A few days of misery and social anxiety isn't enough of a reason to give up on uni.
I hope it gets easier for you. I feel sure it will.
Look, it's bound to be very hard when you first start at university. You'd be surprised at how many people struggle and have thoughts like you're having.
But going home isn't going to acheive anything. At some point you're going to have to go to university (or work in Tesco, it's up to you) and since you've managed to get yourself into such a good one it really would be a shame to sacrifice it. At some point in your life you're going to have to leave the comfort of home and do things that make you uncomfortable, just think of this as a hurdle that you have to overcome. And when you do, it'll make future social challenges easier for you to cope with.
I'm sorry to hear you're having such a hard time, but stick at it. A few months down the line you can review the situation, but for now take each day as it comes. A few days of misery and social anxiety isn't enough of a reason to give up on uni.
I hope it gets easier for you. I feel sure it will.
I'm in Oxford too. Our college freshers only arrived yesterday so I guess you've only been here a few days at most? I know completely how you feel though - I'm not the greatest at social situations myself.
Remind yourself that contrary to popular belief, freshers' week is *not* the most important week of your life. I only remember meeting one of my friends during my undergrad freshers' week - the rest of the people I met, I practically never saw again.
Feel free to PM me if you want to chat and we can always arrange to go out for a drink if you need some company (alcoholic or non-alcoholic, your choice!).
Remind yourself that contrary to popular belief, freshers' week is *not* the most important week of your life. I only remember meeting one of my friends during my undergrad freshers' week - the rest of the people I met, I practically never saw again.
Feel free to PM me if you want to chat and we can always arrange to go out for a drink if you need some company (alcoholic or non-alcoholic, your choice!).
heyy
you just started uni give time and if you still dont like it then start to reconsider it. and if you lack confidence or you are shy you ACT! smile be more approachable also a good tip is that people like to talk about themselves! so ask them question about THEM for example "where are you from? what course are you doing? how are you finding uni?" things like that..most people are probably feeing the same way dont over think it just go out and meet new people!
hope that help you!
:] xx
you just started uni give time and if you still dont like it then start to reconsider it. and if you lack confidence or you are shy you ACT! smile be more approachable also a good tip is that people like to talk about themselves! so ask them question about THEM for example "where are you from? what course are you doing? how are you finding uni?" things like that..most people are probably feeing the same way dont over think it just go out and meet new people!
hope that help you!
:] xx
As others have said, just stick it out and it'll get better. I'm now in my third year at Cambridge and I felt home sick to start with.....in fact, I felt like that for most of the first term! Eventually though you get used to it, and I enjoy uni immensely now.
You'd be suprised how many people actually feel exactly the same as you.....I've spoke to so many people who felt majorly home-sick for the first term, but you get used to it. It's a big step going to uni, for most people it's first time they've actually been away from home for a prolonged period of time - you're taken out of your comfort zone and thrust into something so new and different - it's bound to feel odd. Stick it out though, it'll only make you stronger as a person, and in 6 months time you'll look back and think what was all that fuss really about.
You'd be suprised how many people actually feel exactly the same as you.....I've spoke to so many people who felt majorly home-sick for the first term, but you get used to it. It's a big step going to uni, for most people it's first time they've actually been away from home for a prolonged period of time - you're taken out of your comfort zone and thrust into something so new and different - it's bound to feel odd. Stick it out though, it'll only make you stronger as a person, and in 6 months time you'll look back and think what was all that fuss really about.
Everyone in the first few weeks races to find themselves friends. A desperate attempt by people who feel they need to fit in with a group of people immediately. Don't feel you have to get caught up in that! Stay at Oxford, you've clearly worked hard to get there, it would be a waste to give up such an opportunity now.
Maybe see if someone or a couple of people on your course live en route to where your lectures are held, ask them if you can meet up 10 mins and walk there together?
Remember that friendships take a while to form properly. It is better to make a couple of good friends, than hang around with a large group/crowd just for the sake of it.
Maybe see if someone or a couple of people on your course live en route to where your lectures are held, ask them if you can meet up 10 mins and walk there together?
Remember that friendships take a while to form properly. It is better to make a couple of good friends, than hang around with a large group/crowd just for the sake of it.
Thanks so much for the replies and advice. I guess my key worry is this -- have I left it too late to still make some good friends and have a good few years here? I am worried that by missing out on Freshers activities, like tonight when everyone went clubbing, I might get some kind of reputation for being a miserable loner and thus won't make any friends.
I might be a bit belated...but not at all.
I felt the same as you when I started uni, and had a miserable freshers week. But even now I still find myself making new friends (in my 3rd year). You have nothing to worry about - just take your time
I felt the same as you when I started uni, and had a miserable freshers week. But even now I still find myself making new friends (in my 3rd year). You have nothing to worry about - just take your time
It's never too late to make friends, i was still making new friends in my sixth form, having been with the same bunch of people since yr 7.
Whatever you do, DON'T go home...not yet anyway, you've only been there a few days, give it time. I'm taking a gap year this year, and most of my friends have left for uni...it's a horrible feeling, being left at home! Don't do it!!
Hope things get better for you xxx
Whatever you do, DON'T go home...not yet anyway, you've only been there a few days, give it time. I'm taking a gap year this year, and most of my friends have left for uni...it's a horrible feeling, being left at home! Don't do it!!
Hope things get better for you xxx
Anonymous
Thanks so much for the replies and advice. I guess my key worry is this -- have I left it too late to still make some good friends and have a good few years here? I am worried that by missing out on Freshers activities, like tonight when everyone went clubbing, I might get some kind of reputation for being a miserable loner and thus won't make any friends.
No, it is absolutely not too late. Your uni life is only just beginning. There are plenty of other "miserable loners" looking for good friends, it just takes time for you to find each other.
Don't give up - you must have done fantastically well to get a place at Oxford!
kyletms
this really isnt a problem
you're at oxford - i dont see how anyone in that position can even consider feeling sorry for themselves for a second.
with respect, there are people out there with real problems.
you're at oxford - i dont see how anyone in that position can even consider feeling sorry for themselves for a second.
with respect, there are people out there with real problems.
Well, you're a total idiot. You think because somebody is at Oxbridge they can't have problems??
kyletms
thats exactly what i think
Yeah, sure. That's what your last post indicated.
kyletms
thats exactly what i think
Why though? Being at oxbridge is not a perfect existence, with regards to settling in and socialising it's just as hard as any other uni if not worse as there's more pressure to make it work.
Angrybanana
Why though? Being at oxbridge is not a perfect existence, with regards to settling in and socialising it's just as hard as any other uni if not worse as there's more pressure to make it work.
yes but the very fact that someone has got into oxbridge tells me that they are smart as ote.
on average, people that smart end up on the top of the pile that is life
therefore: nothing to worry about
kyletms
well im just saying it had better be a ****ing big problem for me to have any sympathy at all
Well, frankly, you're a total twank.
TBH, I'm not surprised you didn't get into Oxbridge. It's just not...there...is it?
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