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Original post by i205HAN
Am I just completely overreacting? or do you agree with me and say that Ibiza is a completely unreasonable place for someone in a relationship to go? plus to go with a single friend.


In all honesty, I think you are overreacting here, though I will elaborate as to why. Incidentally, I don't think anywhere is really an unreasonable place for someone in a relationship to go on holiday; their attitude is what matters, not where they are! My answer is on the basis that she's committed to you and the relationship, as there doesn't seem much reason to doubt that.

So working through your post, your initial concern seems to be that she'll be hit on; but does it really matter if she is? Assuming she's actually committed to the relationship, I'd imagine she'd just shut them down, and even if she didn't, she wouldn't allow anything to happen with them. On a fairly similar note, the number of people she's slept with in the past matters just as little - she's with you now, not them, and as you say, that's all in the past. It has no bearing on how she should be acting when away.

Would you be able to explain the concern with what her friends are like? There's no reason she'll act that way just because they do, after all!

Do you have any genuine reason to doubt her, rather than the concerns you mentioned here? Has she betrayed your trust in the past? If the answer to both is no, I really don't think you need to be worried about anything here.
One of the key components in a relationship is trust. I understand your concerns, but you're going to have to let them go.

If she does something, you'll find out eventually and it'll just go to show the type of people she really is (IE. not someone you want).
Reply 3
Original post by shadowdweller
In all honesty, I think you are overreacting here, though I will elaborate as to why. Incidentally, I don't think anywhere is really an unreasonable place for someone in a relationship to go on holiday; their attitude is what matters, not where they are! My answer is on the basis that she's committed to you and the relationship, as there doesn't seem much reason to doubt that.

So working through your post, your initial concern seems to be that she'll be hit on; but does it really matter if she is? Assuming she's actually committed to the relationship, I'd imagine she'd just shut them down, and even if she didn't, she wouldn't allow anything to happen with them. On a fairly similar note, the number of people she's slept with in the past matters just as little - she's with you now, not them, and as you say, that's all in the past. It has no bearing on how she should be acting when away.

Would you be able to explain the concern with what her friends are like? There's no reason she'll act that way just because they do, after all!

Do you have any genuine reason to doubt her, rather than the concerns you mentioned here? Has she betrayed your trust in the past? If the answer to both is no, I really don't think you need to be worried about anything here.


She has betrayed me once. when she was really drunk she stole from me, then I caught her in the act and she kept denying it, she eventually admitted it, and ever since then I haven't properly trusted her.
Original post by i205HAN
She has betrayed me once. when she was really drunk she stole from me, then I caught her in the act and she kept denying it, she eventually admitted it, and ever since then I haven't properly trusted her.


Okay, so I think maybe this is a separate issue that you'll need to work things out with. If the relationship is going to work long term, you need to talk that through, or find another way to rebuild that trust, because otherwise it's going to fester and be an underlying issue for you if not both of you.

That said, I'd say that's a fair cry from cheating on you, and whilst it is definitely a betrayal of trust, it's one of a very different nature. She's no more or less likely to cheat just because she's away, and if you're going away too, I think you'll struggle to have a leg to stand on here, in all honesty.
She's going to get absolutely railed, by Chad, Brad and the rest of the Thundercock team. I can't believe she's going on a holiday without you and you haven't either dumped her or lined up a replacement.
No trust is something which occurs as a result of trustworthy behaviour rather than something which is assumed. Everyone myself included will cheat under certain circumstances and simply acting indifferent, shrugging your shoulders and saying ''if she cheats then it's her loss''. Is not going to cut it.
Original post by l'etranger
No trust is something which occurs as a result of trustworthy behaviour rather than something which is assumed. Everyone myself included will cheat under certain circumstances and simply acting indifferent, shrugging your shoulders and saying ''if she cheats then it's her loss''. Is not going to cut it.


They've been together 2 years, and by that point the trust should certainly be there for the relationship to be worth maintaining. Not everyone will cheat, and nor is there any indication to say that she will.
Original post by shadowdweller
They've been together 2 years, and by that point the trust should certainly be there for the relationship to be worth maintaining. Not everyone will cheat, and nor is there any indication to say that she will.


2 years is nothing for a relationship, in some cultures you marry people who are righteous, decent and who are sexually attractive and love is developed as a result of being together for decades. That does not mean the relationship is not worth maintaining, it might both make them happy at the present which is what keeps it going.

The fact she is willing to put herself in that situation is what should throw doubt on her trustworthiness. It's like a man in a relationship going to Amsterdam on a LAD's holiday where they're just going to be smoking weed and some of the guys will be visiting the red light district or going to the far east, to a party island where prostitution and hard drug use is common. Even if you don't go with the intention of cheating, the fact you're willing to even put yourself in such a situation is what throws doubt upon your character.
Reply 9
Original post by l'etranger
2 years is nothing for a relationship, in some cultures you marry people who are righteous, decent and who are sexually attractive and love is developed as a result of being together for decades. That does not mean the relationship is not worth maintaining, it might both make them happy at the present which is what keeps it going.

The fact she is willing to put herself in that situation is what should throw doubt on her trustworthiness. It's like a man in a relationship going to Amsterdam on a LAD's holiday where they're just going to be smoking weed and some of the guys will be visiting the red light district or going to the far east, to a party island where prostitution and hard drug use is common. Even if you don't go with the intention of cheating, the fact you're willing to even put yourself in such a situation is what throws doubt upon your character.


Exactly, I 100% agree with you. Why would some who is supposedly committed in a relationship want to go to the "capital of shagging" it makes absolutely no sense. if she was going Hideout festival, ..............(almost anywhere else) i would have absolutely no issue at all with it,
(edited 7 years ago)
Original post by i205HAN
Exactly, I 100% agree with you. Why would some who is supposedly committed in a relationship want to go to the "capital of shagging" it makes absolutely no sense. if she was going Hideout festival, ..............(almost anywhere else) i would have no issue at all with it,


You're clearly not happy with the situation and actually you're not being stupid or insecure. You could be an extremely desirable guy who has lots of girls who like him, and she could still cheat because of alcohol or peer pressure or because it's normalised in that environment.Your position is weakened because you're going to Croatia without her and in general I think couples should always go on holiday together and it seems weird and wrong not to. If you love her cancel yours, tell her to cancel hers and go somewhere together or break it off and fill your boats in Croatia and find someone later.
Original post by l'etranger
No trust is something which occurs as a result of trustworthy behaviour rather than something which is assumed. Everyone myself included will cheat under certain circumstances and simply acting indifferent, shrugging your shoulders and saying ''if she cheats then it's her loss''. Is not going to cut it.


She hasn't been untrustworthy. If anything, she should be more worried about the OP who HAS cheated on her.

Original post by i205HAN
Exactly, I 100% agree with you. Why would some who is supposedly committed in a relationship want to go to the "capital of shagging" it makes absolutely no sense. if she was going Hideout festival, ..............(almost anywhere else) i would have absolutely no issue at all with it,


What other people do isn't representative of what SHE is going to do.
Original post by i205HAN
She has betrayed me once. when she was really drunk she stole from me, then I caught her in the act and she kept denying it, she eventually admitted it, and ever since then I haven't properly trusted her.


Ngl sounds like a sloot to me. The description you gave sounds just like my ex who cheated on me. What's the point in even going to Ibiza when you're not single anyway? It's just a bunch of clubs where people get pregnant and catch STDs then make forum posts asking for advice when they get back. Theres nothing to do there apart from get wasted and have sex with strangers.

Stealing from your boyfriend/girlfriend? If she can steal and look you in the eyes and lie about it she can cheat for sure. Naaaasty.

Keep in mind that you could catch something if you have sex with her when she gets back jussayin.
(edited 7 years ago)
Reply 13
Sounds like projection to me.
Original post by i205HAN
Exactly, I 100% agree with you. Why would some who is supposedly committed in a relationship want to go to the "capital of shagging" it makes absolutely no sense. if she was going Hideout festival, ..............(almost anywhere else) i would have absolutely no issue at all with it,


I'm not really sure where you get this perception of Ibiza from. It's pretty much a few expensive night clubs not an island wide orgy. Have you asked her why she wants to go? Maybe it's beause theres of the famous clubs or maybe its because her friend is desperate to go. I've been to the festival you're going to and it would be just as easy to hook up with someone there, if not more so.
Reply 15
Original post by i205HAN
Hi, my girlfriend is going on holiday soon to Ibiza with one of her girl mates that I have never properly met before and I'm seriously worried that something could happen, Im not necessarily worried that much about her cheating on me as she says that she loves me and I love her too, but I hate the fact that she is going to get hit on or groped up or something, also the fact that when people have to much to drink anything could happen and I would literally never know.

The main reason we argue over this so much is because I'm going on holiday with my friends too Outlook festival in Croatia, which is the sole reason that she is going Ibiza, and what I am trying to say is that Outlook is a festival where people go to chill, socialise and have fun, where as Ibiza is literally the shagging capital of the world.

We have been dating for almost 2 years now, and in the early stages of our relationship I did cheat once, but before we were properly official. Now I'm worried that she may use this opportunity to try and get me back without me knowing about it.

Just to put into perspective the kind of friends that she has, one literally shags a new guy every week and has had sex with 3 of my personal friends and another cheated with her boyfriends best friend. I have no idea if the girl who she is actually going with is also like this as like I said I have never met her properly.

Another factor that is getting me very worried is that she has slept with almost double the amount of guys than I have slept with girls, I know that is was all before we got together but the amount of guys she has been with is incredibly high for someone her age, making me think that she used to be a sex addict or something. As a couple we have sex a number of times a day, almost every other day, so a week without sex while she is in Ibiza would be very hard and is really getting me worried.

Am I just completely overreacting? or do you agree with me and say that Ibiza is a completely unreasonable place for someone in a relationship to go? plus to go with a single friend.




so you gf is going off to IBIZA with her promiscuous friends and you're letting her?

tell her you don't want her to go, and tell her you'll be looking for a new gf if she does go

Ibiza holidays is not a place for women in relationships [or men]
Reply 16
Original post by l'etranger
She's going to get absolutely railed, by Chad, Brad and the rest of the Thundercock team. I can't believe she's going on a holiday without you and you haven't either dumped her or lined up a replacement.


This.
Original post by i205HAN
Hi, my girlfriend is going on holiday soon to Ibiza with one of her girl mates that I have never properly met before and I'm seriously worried that something could happen, Im not necessarily worried that much about her cheating on me as she says that she loves me and I love her too, but I hate the fact that she is going to get hit on or groped up or something, also the fact that when people have to much to drink anything could happen and I would literally never know.

The main reason we argue over this so much is because I'm going on holiday with my friends too Outlook festival in Croatia, which is the sole reason that she is going Ibiza, and what I am trying to say is that Outlook is a festival where people go to chill, socialise and have fun, where as Ibiza is literally the shagging capital of the world.

We have been dating for almost 2 years now, and in the early stages of our relationship I did cheat once, but before we were properly official. Now I'm worried that she may use this opportunity to try and get me back without me knowing about it.

Just to put into perspective the kind of friends that she has, one literally shags a new guy every week and has had sex with 3 of my personal friends and another cheated with her boyfriends best friend. I have no idea if the girl who she is actually going with is also like this as like I said I have never met her properly.

Another factor that is getting me very worried is that she has slept with almost double the amount of guys than I have slept with girls, I know that is was all before we got together but the amount of guys she has been with is incredibly high for someone her age, making me think that she used to be a sex addict or something. As a couple we have sex a number of times a day, almost every other day, so a week without sex while she is in Ibiza would be very hard and is really getting me worried.

Am I just completely overreacting? or do you agree with me and say that Ibiza is a completely unreasonable place for someone in a relationship to go? plus to go with a single friend.


So you have cheated on her, you decided you are going to a festival in croatia. She decides she is off to ibiza and your worried. You should be, you are also not smart or mature enough for a relationship yet
Original post by i205HAN
Hi, my girlfriend is going on holiday soon to Ibiza with one of her girl mates that I have never properly met before and I'm seriously worried that something could happen, Im not necessarily worried that much about her cheating on me as she says that she loves me and I love her too, but I hate the fact that she is going to get hit on or groped up or something, also the fact that when people have to much to drink anything could happen and I would literally never know.

The main reason we argue over this so much is because I'm going on holiday with my friends too Outlook festival in Croatia, which is the sole reason that she is going Ibiza, and what I am trying to say is that Outlook is a festival where people go to chill, socialise and have fun, where as Ibiza is literally the shagging capital of the world.

We have been dating for almost 2 years now, and in the early stages of our relationship I did cheat once, but before we were properly official. Now I'm worried that she may use this opportunity to try and get me back without me knowing about it.

Just to put into perspective the kind of friends that she has, one literally shags a new guy every week and has had sex with 3 of my personal friends and another cheated with her boyfriends best friend. I have no idea if the girl who she is actually going with is also like this as like I said I have never met her properly.

Another factor that is getting me very worried is that she has slept with almost double the amount of guys than I have slept with girls, I know that is was all before we got together but the amount of guys she has been with is incredibly high for someone her age, making me think that she used to be a sex addict or something. As a couple we have sex a number of times a day, almost every other day, so a week without sex while she is in Ibiza would be very hard and is really getting me worried.

Am I just completely overreacting? or do you agree with me and say that Ibiza is a completely unreasonable place for someone in a relationship to go? plus to go with a single friend.

You're not overreacting bro,your girl IS going to get her back blown out by many guys. If you're willing to accept that, let her go and don't complain when you find out some next guy has done his thing with her. You need to put her in her place if you don't want that to happen. :smile:
Original post by i205HAN
Exactly, I 100% agree with you. Why would some who is supposedly committed in a relationship want to go to the "capital of shagging" it makes absolutely no sense. if she was going Hideout festival, ..............(almost anywhere else) i would have absolutely no issue at all with it,


Why wouldn't they want to go? I know people in relationships who go to Ibiza together. They enjoy the good weather, nice beaches and the fact there's some decent clubs too. I assume she goes clubbing in the UK and drinks sometimes and manages not to shag everything within 6 feet of her so she can probably manage not to in Ibiza too.

If you don't trust her what's the point of the relationship. It's been TWO YEARS. That's a long time to waste if you still don't trust her at all. Your OP sounds super paranoid.

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