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Feeling alone at uni
Hi, I know there are already about 50 other threads like this, but I don't want to hijack one.
I've been at my new uni for nearly 2 weeks already and I've traveled here from overseas. I knew it would be a big transition, and I know I am shy in big groups and/or around people I don't know...but I had no idea it would be this hard to find my place.
My flat is incredibly small. There are only 7 of us, and of them, 3 are too shy/involved in their own lives to socialize with the rest. The other 3 are friendly enough with me, but they don't seem that eager to go out and do things and meet new people either.
People say "join societies", "you'll meet people in your course" or "you should just go up to people and reach out to them"....but I've had little success with any of that. I have been to 2 society meetings and at both, I felt so out of place. It seems like everywhere I go, people already know each other. They group with people from their course or their flat or their year and I'm just left standing there. I'll chat with people a bit, but next time I see them, I don't feel I know them well enough to barge into their group or stop them on the road. In my course, there are about 80 kids, and again, it seems like all the girls automatically form their little cliques and I'm left standing there. I have chatted with quite a few people once or twice, but I feel clingy and out of place if I try to join their group or sit with them in class.
I never thought of myself as particularly boring or freaky looking. I had a lot of friends back home. But there have been several times where I have tried to introduce myself to people and been completely blanked on. I wrote to this one girl on facebook two days ago, and she never responded. There have been multiple occasions where I am chatting with someone and then another person joins the conversation and I feel, subtly, like the conversation is between them now, and I end up making an excuse to leave. It's really lowering my confidence levels. I am so talkative around my friends back home, but I am suddenly left with nothing to say around all these new people.
I feel like the more time that goes by,the more out of place I am. I have struggled a lot with eating problems and depression in the past and I thought I was stabilized and healthy for once....but all I've done for the last two days is sleep all day. I have no energy. When I wake up, I eat. I can't stop thinking about junk food. I'm afraid that if I get my ass to the store, I'm going to end up binging, which of course is going to lead to a really bad cycle.
It's so hard to talk to anyone back home, what with the time differences and the schedules (many of my friends back home are doing midterms right now and are too busy to listen to me whine) and the paper-thin walls in my flat.
I feel alone and I'm afraid of what it's doing to me....
Everyone told me not to come to England for uni and I didn't listen. I don't want this to fail now.
I've been at my new uni for nearly 2 weeks already and I've traveled here from overseas. I knew it would be a big transition, and I know I am shy in big groups and/or around people I don't know...but I had no idea it would be this hard to find my place.
My flat is incredibly small. There are only 7 of us, and of them, 3 are too shy/involved in their own lives to socialize with the rest. The other 3 are friendly enough with me, but they don't seem that eager to go out and do things and meet new people either.
People say "join societies", "you'll meet people in your course" or "you should just go up to people and reach out to them"....but I've had little success with any of that. I have been to 2 society meetings and at both, I felt so out of place. It seems like everywhere I go, people already know each other. They group with people from their course or their flat or their year and I'm just left standing there. I'll chat with people a bit, but next time I see them, I don't feel I know them well enough to barge into their group or stop them on the road. In my course, there are about 80 kids, and again, it seems like all the girls automatically form their little cliques and I'm left standing there. I have chatted with quite a few people once or twice, but I feel clingy and out of place if I try to join their group or sit with them in class.
I never thought of myself as particularly boring or freaky looking. I had a lot of friends back home. But there have been several times where I have tried to introduce myself to people and been completely blanked on. I wrote to this one girl on facebook two days ago, and she never responded. There have been multiple occasions where I am chatting with someone and then another person joins the conversation and I feel, subtly, like the conversation is between them now, and I end up making an excuse to leave. It's really lowering my confidence levels. I am so talkative around my friends back home, but I am suddenly left with nothing to say around all these new people.
I feel like the more time that goes by,the more out of place I am. I have struggled a lot with eating problems and depression in the past and I thought I was stabilized and healthy for once....but all I've done for the last two days is sleep all day. I have no energy. When I wake up, I eat. I can't stop thinking about junk food. I'm afraid that if I get my ass to the store, I'm going to end up binging, which of course is going to lead to a really bad cycle.
It's so hard to talk to anyone back home, what with the time differences and the schedules (many of my friends back home are doing midterms right now and are too busy to listen to me whine) and the paper-thin walls in my flat.
I feel alone and I'm afraid of what it's doing to me....
Everyone told me not to come to England for uni and I didn't listen. I don't want this to fail now.
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sorry maybe i missed it, but which uni are you at?
what you have to remember is, it might be hard at first settling in, and even though its only been 2 weeks, it can take a little longer to settle in, especially since your coming to england, it will be easier for the others, cause they might be local etc, but you'll just have to be a little patient.
what you have to remember is, it might be hard at first settling in, and even though its only been 2 weeks, it can take a little longer to settle in, especially since your coming to england, it will be easier for the others, cause they might be local etc, but you'll just have to be a little patient.
Does it matter what uni I'm at? 
yeh i feel im alone at uni - and im from england
A lot of my flatmates bring ppl over to the flat - i dont - my coursemates dont really talk - i try to make an effort to talk to ppl but i feel as thou im makin such a big effort but the other ppl dont really wanna talk to new ppl cuz they have other friends ie flatmates. I dont go out to meet ppl much cuz i dont hav anyone to go out with - it makes me feel lonely...ive seen a lot of threads on tsr about ppl feelin alone at uni and the responses have been to give it time...but how long?? i dont wanna hijack this thread but want the thread starter to see they are not the only one feeling alone...
A lot of my flatmates bring ppl over to the flat - i dont - my coursemates dont really talk - i try to make an effort to talk to ppl but i feel as thou im makin such a big effort but the other ppl dont really wanna talk to new ppl cuz they have other friends ie flatmates. I dont go out to meet ppl much cuz i dont hav anyone to go out with - it makes me feel lonely...ive seen a lot of threads on tsr about ppl feelin alone at uni and the responses have been to give it time...but how long?? i dont wanna hijack this thread but want the thread starter to see they are not the only one feeling alone...
Sounds rather like my university experience so far actually.
Been to loads of social things but it only means that I now know about two dozen people a little. Loads of meeting random people but I wouldnt call anyone Ive met a friend in the proper sense yet
It doesnt help that its a bit taboo to state that your not enjoying freshers week. Everyone else manages to go along with the constant forced fun, air of artificiality about it all.
Hopefully it will get better with time
Been to loads of social things but it only means that I now know about two dozen people a little. Loads of meeting random people but I wouldnt call anyone Ive met a friend in the proper sense yet
It doesnt help that its a bit taboo to state that your not enjoying freshers week. Everyone else manages to go along with the constant forced fun, air of artificiality about it all.
Hopefully it will get better with time
Give it time. I know everyone says that, but still. Pick a date, say three weeks from now, and see how different you feel when you reach that date. The first few weeks of uni are very weird and insane, and not a representation of what the rest of your time at uni is going to be like. Don't keep thinking 'This is it', because it isn't.
It is hard but do stick at it. I'm my 1st year I made loads of 'friends' with people in halls. I went out quite a bit with them but actually I had nothing in common with most of them. I also had people on my course who I hung around with in lectures but we never really did anything out of lectures and I didn't really feel I fitted in. I'm in my 3rd year now and have a number of much better friends who I have much more in common with. I became very good friends with my next-door neighbour in halls, but only after christmas. I also met a guy randomly through a friend and ended up getting to know him and his friends and it went from there. I also made new friends on my course by getting to know 1 girl & ending up getting to know her friends. It is hard but keep at it, it may take a while but you never know when you are going to make a friend.
steerpike
Give it time. I know everyone says that, but still. Pick a date, say three weeks from now, and see how different you feel when you reach that date. The first few weeks of uni are very weird and insane, and not a representation of what the rest of your time at uni is going to be like. Don't keep thinking 'This is it', because it isn't.
im my situation its hard to think positive about it because everyone's in a group and know loads of ppl as mates but i only know my flatmates and just random ppl that i spoke to once - i dont know anyone that can be classed as a friend - its makin it hard to concentrate on my work as well
- i feel isolated - ive tried joining a few societies now to see if that helps....ramdayal
im my situation its hard to think positive about it because everyone's in a group and know loads of ppl as mates but i only know my flatmates and just random ppl that i spoke to once - i dont know anyone that can be classed as a friend - its makin it hard to concentrate on my work as well - i feel isolated - ive tried joining a few societies now to see if that helps....
- i feel isolated - ive tried joining a few societies now to see if that helps....But I bet some of those people who you see being in groups and having a laugh, are going back to their flats and asking themselves the same questions you are asking yourself. Of course you don't know anyone that you could class as a friend - what's it been, a couple of weeks, if that? It sometimes takes a while to find out someone who you genuinely click with. Lots of people are so desparate to make friends in freshers week they'll talk to anyone, but after that, the group dynamics will change. Most of the people I spoke to in fresher's week I never spoke to or saw ever again.
You've joined some societies, so that's a good thing. Give them a go and see how it goes. But try to stop thinking that whatever your situation is now, you are doomed to be in that same situation for the rest of uni. It's not like that at all. It will ALL change. Do you have a calendar? Mark a date on it, three weeks from now. Spend the next three weeks trying to join in with societies, trying your best to speak to people, talking to people in lecs and classes - I bet once the three weeks are up you will be feeling a little different to what you are now. Freel free to PM me if you like
more adventurous
Seven people in a flat is "incredibly small"?!?! Never heard that before.
Maybe it just seems that way since I only ever see 3 of them. Most of the others on campus have 8-12 people.
Thank you everyone for all the reassurances so far. I guess it's good to hear people say that it will just take more time...but it's hard not to get discouraged when I see all these other people in my course and in other flats seeming to be adjusting fine. If people will "talk to anyone in the first few weeks", why do I feel like they don't want to talk to me?
I don't see how I'm magically just going to make friends just because more time goes by.
at the uni im at there are a lot of clever ppl here with (4 a levels at grade A etc) and oxbridge rejects so my flatmates have loads to talk about that im not into e.g. certain books etc - im just hopin i can find ppl that i can relate to - im not sayin im not clever - i wouldn't b at the uni im at if i wasn't - i just need some advice on how to go about each day not feelin so alone...
I can relate to some of the things you're saying, though i'm from england and my uni's pretty close to my home. I've always been a bit (a lot) of a loner so it doesn't help. People i live with are friendly but i have nothing in common with any of them. I've talked to a few people in my course but no one i've really clicked with. I don't think i will find any friends here. It can be very lonely. Just to let you know you're not alone.
graveyarddreams
I can relate to some of the things you're saying, though i'm from england and my uni's pretty close to my home. I've always been a bit (a lot) of a loner so it doesn't help. People i live with are friendly but i have nothing in common with any of them. I've talked to a few people in my course but no one i've really clicked with. I don't think i will find any friends here. It can be very lonely. Just to let you know you're not alone.
That's exactly me. I don't seem to have anything in common with my housemates/people on my course. And everyone has already formed their groups. when I go home and see my friends and family, I lie and say I'm having a brilliant time, because I just can't admit the first few weeks are a stressful dissapointment.
i have to admit that i am feeling quite lonely in uni 2...i mean i know loads of people that i can briefly talk to and then a few that i can really hang with but i havent really found a close group...i am at a london uni by the way
Rachel Revenge
when I go home and see my friends and family, I lie and say I'm having a brilliant time, because I just can't admit the first few weeks are a stressful dissapointment.
I'm the same. I don't know, I just find it kind of embarrasing to admit that my fresher's week has been a gross disappointment - it's meant to be the best week of your life! I just tell everyone that I am having an awesome time, even though that is not really true.
im in the same boat, im at liverpool john moores. i know people but i dont have ''friends'' or people i can say, do u wanna go out round town, or somethin like that. all my flat mates are cypriot and speak greek alot of the time, nd its not that i have somethin against them bein cypriot or talking greek, its just its hard for me to get involved in conversations.
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