The Student Room Group

should i just lose it...am so embarrassed

Poll

when did you lose ur virginity

There is this guy who I have liked for a very long time, and have gone on a few dates with. Everything was going great, but when he found out that I have never had sex, he was very surprised and asked me why and how come. now his attitude has changed completely and he doesn't act the same ever since .

Some of my friends are encouraging me to have a one-night stand but I'm worried that i may regret that later. but it's very embarrassing when people laugh out at it. on the other thread, a lot of people said that it's alright, but I kind of feel they are just saying it to make me feel better and don't actually mean it.

Everyone keeps saying that the people who are virgins at my age are either ugly or very religious.
but I don't think I'm ugly or extremely religious, my mates don't think so either. But I can understand why he is freaked out. I am quite old to have no experience (20), but I never knew it was so rare that he is completely turned off.

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Reply 1
If I were you, I wouldn't bother with this guy. I also wouldn't have a one-night stand just because he's made you feel insecure about your virginity.

I lost my virginity at 19; and whilst some people laughed beforehand, I didn't let this affect my self-confidence - when I did lose it, I was happy to, and comfortable to, and so had no regrets.

If you have a one-night stand I'm pretty sure that you'll regret it afterwards; and most likely feel even worse about yourself. The guy, if he's acting strange about it, probably isn't the type you want to look for anyway - keep your virginity, and don't feel like you need to rush it now - wait, and someone who's unfazed by your virginity will come along in the future and make you realise that you've nothing to be worried about.
I have to admit that loosing mine wasn't special and I don't regret it too much (at 16)
But I would say that loosing it to a guy that is only using you for sex isn't a good idea, it's not what you want so don't do it
Reply 3
Don't lose it for the sake of losing it, you'll most likely regret it.
Reply 4
No. Don't.

There is nothing worse than giving in to pressure. It's sex. Big deal. Yes, it can become quite a big part of a relationship, but no way should it be based on sex.
The guy you're talking about sounds ridiculously immature. People think that it makes you big and a proper woman once you've lost it, but it's so much cooler to actually value it and have a decent relationship without sex coming in to it.
In the end, it's up to you. If you don't feel that it's right for you to have a one night stand, don't, and don't let anyone tell you what you should or shouldn't do.
If this makes you feel any better, I'm going to university next year, and I know that everyone's going to be out shagging, getting boyfriends, and I can say for a fact that I will not get involved in that, whatever my friends all do.
The idea of sleeping with (and especially losing my virginity to) a guy I don't know really disgusts me. The only thing which will worry me is the fact that I haven't found a relationship by that age.
~haze~
There is this guy who I have liked for a very long time, and have gone on a few dates with. Everything was going great, but when he found out that I have never had sex, he was very surprised and asked me why and how come. now his attitude has changed completely and he doesn't act the same ever since .

Some of my friends are encouraging me to have a one-night stand but I'm worried that i may regret that later. but it's very embarrassing when people laugh out at it. on the other thread, a lot of people said that it's alright, but I kind of feel they are just saying it to make me feel better and don't actually mean it.

Everyone keeps saying that the people who are virgins at my age are either ugly or very religious.
but I don't think I'm ugly or extremely religious, my mates don't think so either. But I can understand why he is freaked out. I am quite old to have no experience (20), but I never knew it was so rare that he is completely turned off.

from what you've said the guy sounds a dick. It sounds like he's there for the sex and because you haven't had sex, it means that it's not just "sex", if you get my thinking. Then again, maybe he's just feeling the pressure of being your first time.
I wouldn't lose your virginity just for the sake of it. Do it when you feel comfortable and want too. If i was with a girl who hadn't lost her virginity, i wouldn't think anything of it at all. I'd hope most wouldn't either.
Reply 6
~haze~
Some of my friends are encouraging me to have a one-night stand but I'm worried that i may regret that later.


Chances are if you think you will, you'll most likely regret it. I know it's one of the most cliched responses out there, but could you talk to him about the whole matter? Ask him why he's bothered you're a virgin and then go on from there?

If he still acts like a jerk, tell him to stuff it. Virginity isn't some horrible disfiguring disease. :wink:
I was 14 (yeah, I know :redface:) but it was with someone who I really liked, I was aware of what I was doing, and I have never had any regrets about it.

I don't advise having a one-night stand in order to lose your virginity, as you'd be very likely to regret it later. There's no shame in waiting until you feel you're ready -- it's better than risking emotional pain in order to fit in.
Reply 8
The guy is most likely a complete arsehole. Don't bother with him, and the people telling you to have a one night stand and about how old virgins are ugly are ignorant.

YOU WILL REGRET IT IF YOU DO!!!

Just find a guy that you really like,date him for a few months or more, then when you're ready bring it up in conversation.
I'd have to say it's not that big a deal over when you lose it; it's who you lose it to that matters.

I'm 18, and still a virgin. Up until I was 16, I was in a big rush to 'lose it'. (So much so, that after watching American Pie, me and my mates made a virginity pact - we'd all 'lose it' by the time our ball rolls around [july 08 sometime]). But now, I'm just not in so much of a rush.

I'd say, take a step back, and look at the pros and cons of it. To have a one night stand just because a guy thinks of you differently is absolutely pointless. As for the guy, he seems like a right idiot to think of you differently just because you're a virgin. (Believe me, I know the type. I once dated a girl who was 'more experienced' than me, and would have nothing to do with me for like a week while she thought things through). The only pro is said guy will treat you the way you like.

My group of mates are, for the most part, virgins. (Just my best mate, and an old friend from infants school aren't). We do have the odd guy who is 'dying' to lose it, and probably would have a one-nighter just to do that, but, the consensus seems to be to lose it to someone special.

Don't just lose it because you're being pressured into it. Lose it because you want to, but make it someone special, so you'll be happy about it in the end.
Reply 10
~haze~
There is this guy who I have liked for a very long time, and have gone on a few dates with. Everything was going great, but when he found out that I have never had sex, he was very surprised and asked me why and how come. now his attitude has changed completely and he doesn't act the same ever since .

Some of my friends are encouraging me to have a one-night stand but I'm worried that i may regret that later. but it's very embarrassing when people laugh out at it. on the other thread, a lot of people said that it's alright, but I kind of feel they are just saying it to make me feel better and don't actually mean it.

Everyone keeps saying that the people who are virgins at my age are either ugly or very religious.
but I don't think I'm ugly or extremely religious, my mates don't think so either. But I can understand why he is freaked out. I am quite old to have no experience (20), but I never knew it was so rare that he is completely turned off.


I recommend getting new friends. These people clearly don't care about you if they're more concerned about you following social norms than about your actual well-being. No decent guy would dump you just because you're inexperienced; the only ones that would are those who are concerned exclusively about sex.
Reply 11
There are loads of threads on virginity already, please go and have a look and you'll see you're not out of the ordinary.

I lost my virginity at 20 and I'm neither completely hideous or very religious. Part of the reason it was so late was that I'm not the world's most attractive person and was very shy and awkward at school, but at the same time I did have opportunities which I did not take up because I knew it would be the wrong decision.

If this guy is put off because you're a virgin, or if your friends think you're weird, then it's their problem not yours. If you're worried you'll regret a one-night stand then don't do it. Besides, is it really more attractive to say to a guy "No, I'm not a virgin, but I've only had sex once and I don't really remember it and it wasn't great" than "Actually, I've just not felt like there's been a suitable moment yet."
Reply 12
Bismarck
I recommend getting new friends. These people clearly don't care about you if they're more concerned about you following social norms than about your actual well-being. No decent guy would dump you just because you're inexperienced; the only ones that would are those who are concerned exclusively about sex.

:ditto:
it's ridiculous to dump someone because of that reason.
Reply 13
Integrity is key to this, if you make irrational decision and have a one night stand based on judgements made by others then you will lose your integrity and be bowing down to social pressure, this indeed will result in the loss of your integrity.

So ignore them and wait for a nice guy to pop into your life, this guy you refer to sounds like he wanted a sure thing and well sex isn't always on the cards with a virgin.
At the end of the day, people seem to make a huge fuss of virginity for no apparent reason. What does it matter if you are a virgin or not. I don;t think anyone shoudl be made to feel that it is an issue. There is no point losing it just for the sake of it, surely! Only do so if you actually want to!
Reply 15
Ignore him, he's stupid if he changed his attitude cause of that and clearly not the "right guy".
If i were you i'd wait for the nice guy who will really like YOU and not your "sexual experiences".
Don't make a decision based on what others/your friends says, act how you feel and you won't regret a thing. You will know when you'll be ready.
If this guy is just being funny with you all because you haven't had sex yet, then he is a shallow git. Do not force yourself to lose it, it's the worst thing you can do. Certainly don't have a one night stand with this guy because then he'll probably brag he took your virginity.
Reply 17
it doesn't have to mean you're ugly, you've probably not met the right person yet
I love what society has come to.
Reply 19
I was 23 and I'm glad I waited. Wanted to do it with the right person and never felt like it was the right time before. Oh and I wouldn't say I'm ugly either, nor religious.