The Student Room Group

Taking someone else and not even asking me?

Here’s the scenario:
Been together for two years now. He lives in Kent and i live in Manchetser.

The problem?

He’s got a Summer Ball coming up, He hasn’t asked me let alone mentioned it until recently, but is taking another girl with him instead.

So I told him, Id rather him not go with another girl and i would be willing to go
He had a go at me saying that there’s nothing wrong with takingfriends to events like this and I shouldn’t put restrictions on him like that.

I felt as if he was a bit insensitive about the whole situation- as he's a law student it explains why hes like this

I kinda feel stupid now because I was going to ask him to come with me to our Summer ball and my cousins 21st birthday formal later on this year…

What would you do in this situation? Am I right to be paranoid?
I mean having a partner and watching him take someone else to a formal?

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I mean if he really liked you enough he would have asked you, even if you couldn't or could make it - its the thought that counts right?
you've been together for two years- there should be that level of respect in your relationship.

if i was him i would have asked you regardless of the answer. Its a bit annoying that hes doing this- have you tried questioning him?

id be willing to go if my guy asked me- no matter what the distance, id want to be there for him..

maybe communicate how you feel about this thing with him and see what happens? May be he just wants to enjoy his last few days with his friends?

oh boy isnt that feeling of paranoia a real b*tch. You do have to right to be annoyed- if hes your man then he should act like it..

it shows a lack of respect imo
(edited 6 years ago)
Reply 2
Sieze the initiative. Get rid.. Seriously.
Reply 3
Original post by Zarek
Sieze the initiative. Get rid.. Seriously.


what do you mean?
Reply 4
bump :frown:
I think it shows lack of respect for you and even more so when he gets mad and defensive. I don't think it's fair but maybe he has his reasons..
Why didn't he ask you?
Well, I think given the same situation, most girls would feel the exact same way you are feeling. In my opinion this is a Big. Red. Flag.
Worst case scenario....... he likes this girl and is either already dating her at uni or would like to date her---------- best case scenario....... she really is just a platonic friend and he isn't respecting you enough to ask you to his ball (even after you said you would like to go with him) - either way it's not good. You are his girlfriend and asking him not to escort (or invite) another girl to a ball is not putting unnecessary restrictions on him. I don't think you're being paranoid you don't know what his 'friendship' status really is with that girl, meaning she actually could just be a friend, but what you do know is that he didn't ask you, his girlfriend, and was acting dismissive of your feelings when he should have been reassuring you if it was really nothing. He genuinely may not think it is a big deal at all and in his mind it really isn't but once you expressed your (very rational) concern he should have respected that. He should have welcomed the fact that you were willing to go with him. I would definitely be having another conversation about this (or 2 or 3 more) with him. If he's still dismissive and making you feel like you are in the wrong w/out giving a legitimate reason why taking her is the better alternative to taking you (and a reason that you can understand and agree with) then, honestly, you should reevaluate this relationship and it's future. You do not want to become the disrespected push-over girlfriend. Trust me it is better to be single waiting for the right guy than to be the disrespected push-over girl. Best of Luck to you!
Reply 8
Original post by DancingGroot
I think it shows lack of respect for you and even more so when he gets mad and defensive. I don't think it's fair but maybe he has his reasons..


his reasons where that its just a friend

Original post by Tiger Rag
Why didn't he ask you?


i dont know- i cant bring the courage to ask him
Reply 9
this would be a big enough issue to me to make me end it. i doubt he sees you as serious or he would ask you. sorry about that.
Reply 10
I'd say take this as a flag. It's not wrong to go with friends but if you have a girlfriend, surely you love them more than your "friends" so you ask them first?

Hurt people, hurt other people and it can't be fixed with you doing the same thing. I'd say go to the summer's ball with your friends, and then see what he says. Then, take him to your cousin's 21st?

But this is lowkey messed up, I understand that couples often be with each other 24/7 which is unhealthy. However, in this case, you guys live in different cities. How often do you guys see eachother?
Original post by Afrina
I'd say take this as a flag. It's not wrong to go with friends but if you have a girlfriend, surely you love them more than your "friends" so you ask them first?

Hurt people, hurt other people and it can't be fixed with you doing the same thing. I'd say go to the summer's ball with your friends, and then see what he says. Then, take him to your cousin's 21st?

But this is lowkey messed up, I understand that couples often be with each other 24/7 which is unhealthy. However, in this case, you guys live in different cities. How often do you guys see eachother?


thats whats I was thinking....

I feel a bit stupid for even considering taking him to my formal when he doesnt think about me?

i see him every 3-4 weeks
Original post by Hayyz91
this would be a big enough issue to me to make me end it. i doubt he sees you as serious or he would ask you. sorry about that.


he doesnt think its an issue
You should just ask him if he likes the girl more than he likes you lmao
Original post by Fermion.
You should just ask him if he likes the girl more than he likes you lmao


he probably does..... they've known each other longer than he's known me.. i wouldnt be surprised if he leaves me for her
Reply 15
Original post by Anonymous
thats whats I was thinking....

I feel a bit stupid for even considering taking him to my formal when he doesnt think about me?

i see him every 3-4 weeks


Don't take him. Take one of your friends, maybe a guy? You see him quite often but he doesn't bother asking you?

You've been in a relationship FOR 2 YEARS!?!

This is frustrating but on a real though take this as a flag. Just do you, and ask him how it went etc..

Maybe it's just a one-time thing? From this point onwards it's hard to judge but keep me updated and you can always drop me a message if you want to talk.

Much Love,

Afrina
Original post by Anonymous
he probably does..... they've known each other longer than he's known me.. i wouldnt be surprised if he leaves me for her


Then leave him before he leaves you. If he doesnt give some sort of valid explanation (i doubt there is anyway) for why he wants to take that girl instead of you then I would get rid. In a relationship you should never be second best.
Original post by Afrina
Don't take him. Take one of your friends, maybe a guy? You see him quite often but he doesn't bother asking you?

You've been in a relationship FOR 2 YEARS!?!

This is frustrating but on a real though take this as a flag. Just do you, and ask him how it went etc..

Maybe it's just a one-time thing? From this point onwards it's hard to judge but keep me updated and you can always drop me a message if you want to talk.

Much Love,

Afrina


a fair few guys have asked me to go with them as a date but i was an idiot and rejected them becasue i thought i'd take him :frown:

i think i will have to that won't i?

i will dont worry- thank you for your advice though! :smile:
Reply 18
Original post by Anonymous
a fair few guys have asked me to go with them as a date but i was an idiot and rejected them becasue i thought i'd take him :frown:

i think i will have to that won't i?

i will dont worry- thank you for your advice though! :smile:


Just ask the guys yourself and be like yh we can go as friends?
Original post by Anonymous
he doesnt think its an issue


show him this post, so he knows that its not normal.

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