how do you keep conversations going?

this is something I'm terrible at doing when I meet new people!

I'm at college just now, so I've had plenty of opportunities to meet new people. I'm alright at the small talk - "what other classes are you doing", "where are you from", etc. But that's boring, I know that. I'm just unaware of how to keep conversations going. Specifically, how to transition from the boring small talk to more stimulating conversation.

What I wanna do is go beyond the small talk and really connect with people. And be able to keep an interesting and funny conversation going beyond 2 minutes. But, how?

I used to be really shy and unable to speak to new people at all, but thankfully I've overcome that...now I need to climb the next step.

suggestions appreciated

Reply 1

username136883

8

Once you've basically introduced yourself there are more things that sort of fall in the small-talk category. Things like, do you have siblings, what do you think of [whatever you're doing, wherever you are], what sort of music are you into, why did you want to come here? There's no formula because not everyone is the same, but just take cues from anything they have with them, any badges they have on or something, where you are, where you met, what you're about to do.

But don't just ask all those questions - it's not an interrogation! Let the conversation go naturally. Just find out which questions or comments will get the ball rolling, and let the conversation just carry on in that direction until it's exhausted.

And remember the golden rule of conversations: let them talk about themselves. Unless they're very shy or reserved, pretty much everyone likes to do that :P

Reply 2

yellow96

15

The last time I suggested wearing something interesting to prompt varied conversation, I got negged for "having issues", but I'll try it again.

Wear something interesting, maybe a t-shirt with a slogan or a particularly odd piece of jewellery. It'll give them something to comment on and hopefully steer the conversation away from the typical "what music do you like?" area.

Reply 3

Freud

14

Also, in conversations, I think the subconscious rhythm of it is important. My brother has no clue about rhythms and so conversation with him is always awkward, with there being long pauses and then both people speaking at once.

But like, to continue a conversation you've got to make small talk untill it bridges to somthing closer. Like:

"what kind of music do you like?"
"Rock, I love Muse"
"Me too, been to see them lately?"
"Yeah went to bla bla gig"
"yeah me too!"
"Ohmigod wasn't it amazing!"

But if this sort of conversation does happen with someone for ages and you really do feel like the conversation takes lots of effort, you've just not clicked with them. Which is fine.

And the wearing odd stuff is a definate thumbs up from me. Every time I wear a slogan t-shirt I always get into random conversations.

Reply 4

yellow96

15

Yeppo

And the wearing odd stuff is a definate thumbs up from me. Every time I wear a slogan t-shirt I always get into random conversations.

Glad somebody gets my point. You don't have to dress in multicolour stripes from head to foot, but chances are that the other person is feeling just as awkward as you, and it gives them an opportunity to talk.

Reply 5

Vesicle

6

I can definitely emphasis, although I think I'm just a bti tired at the moment, and therefore not really energised or connected.

I don't think from initial meetings people expect very much, except to gague basic personalitiy traits. If you were a arrogant arse, then I guess that would become apparent within the first few minuets. The majority of exchanges are snapshots, and fragments which serve short term purposes.

mmm... now that I'm thinking about it, I don't really know how you move from the initial introduction to something longer. I guess it really depends on where you are at the time. If for example, you're just about to go into a class, that conversation will not go anywhere, but if you're in a bar, or at dinner where everything's more relaxed, then it's easy to go deeper. If you discover that you have something in common with that person, perhaps you could suggest doing something related together, and then get to know them more through that?

Reply 6

Lara C.

3

just be creative and talk about random stuff, but make sure the other person is in the same state of mind and make sure one thing follows on from the other. for example i was talking to a girl about this building, which lead to her granmas house, which lead to beatrut soup!

Reply 7

jumpinglunch

13

What ever comes to mind,conversations that are scripted are meaningless.

I've sat many a time in a bar discussing the most ridiculous matters,but the other person always has something to say.

Reply 8

LAMP

Have some food with you at all times when you're in a new environment( and feeling unconfident) then you can keep convos going for ages...whenever u feel uneasy stick a lolly in your mouth.

Reply 9

jumpinglunch

13

LAMP

Have some food with you at all times when you're in a new environment( and feeling unconfident) then you can keep convos going for ages...whenever u feel uneasy stick a lolly in your mouth.

Kojak?

Reply 10

a_shot2remember

9

tesh^^ is right, scripted conversations are meaningless, but if you find yourself struggling a lot then it might be a good idea to have a few openers in mind.

Basic stuff like music, movies, hobbies, it might help if you talk to people in groups so that if you find you have nothing to say, someone else will keep the conversation flowing.

The best thing really is to just be yourself (I know everyone always says that, but it's true!) and try not to come across as too much of a try-hard.

Reply 11

Quu

just be random lol :biggrin:

Reply 12

20083

2

Tell funny stories.

"How are you?"
"tired... but what a night last night... Was in the union and they had me getting a lapdance, from a bloke, who was dressed as a nurse, in a very short skirt, while on TV for men and motors..."

Disclaimer: The above doesn't often happen!

Reply 13

Ice_Queen

17

Literature is a good start. I was reading a book in the reception while waiting for a lecture, and this bloke (Alex) came up to me and we had a long conversation about books and films and stuff. Brilliant!

Reply 14

LAMP

tesh^^

Kojak?

Reply 15

bex_26797

14

LAMP

Kojac is detective who always had a lolly in his mouth!

Reply 16

bex_26797

14

Ice_Queen

Literature is a good start. I was reading a book in the reception while waiting for a lecture, and this bloke (Alex) came up to me and we had a long conversation about books and films and stuff. Brilliant!

Agreed,

It also provokes a conversation no matter where you are; whether that be on a plane or anywhere,

It enables the other person to be curious and see your preference of author (great focal point), have discussions about the issues in book, whether they are applicable today etc, hence try and pick a relatively well known book.

Reply 17

Rokit

16

Ice_Queen

Literature is a good start. I was reading a book in the reception while waiting for a lecture, and this bloke (Alex) came up to me and we had a long conversation about books and films and stuff. Brilliant!

It reminds me about how I met a long term boyfriend. I was standing in the student club and he came over and just started chatting. It was like we had known each other for years.

He started off by asking what class I was doing :smile:

Reply 18

Dimez

14

I love teasing people and taking the p*ss out of them. Makes them comfortable and builds rapport much faster.

Reply 19

internet dating superstud

Dimez

I love teasing people and taking the p*ss out of them. Makes them comfortable and builds rapport much faster.

Dude yes! I call girls 'dorks' and whenever they do something that isn't completely cool, I call them 'weird'. And if they swear or whatever I say 'you are so unladylike'. Friendly, so they just laugh.

And to the thread starter, it really doesnt matter what the hell you talk about if you talk with energy and confidence! You can talk about utter **** and have peoples attention.

I remember I was drunk at a party, and actually started talking to this group of about 7 people by saying 'hey guys, I like boobies'. Admittedly that only really works if you're very drunk, but it's a valid point. People will just stop and listen to you if you have good energy.

My friend is like the most enthusiastic person you'll ever meet, and he'll talk forever and all you'll want to do is listen because he says everything with such enthusiasm. I remember one time he told me about how he started talking to this girl at the bus station right, and she wasn't saying anything, just listening. So he talked for like 5 minutes non stop and she was just enthralled, then he found out later that she didn't speak a word of English.

Talking just requires practise, it's like any other skill. When I was in year 6 I was the quiet weird kid who never said anything to anyone, had no friends, creeped a lot of people out and got bullied. I got over it by basically talking to anyone and everyone. Eventually my social skills developed, and now I'm a sociable guy with friends. It's all good.

how do you keep conversations going?

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