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What am I doing wrong?
Hi everyone, sorry to bore the vast majority of you but thought I'd share a problem I seem to be having about fitting in with the people I have met at university.
To cut a long story short, I don't feel like I have bonded properly with anyone and it's making me feel really depressed and sad
I honestly can't see what I'm doing that's wrong and wish I could just see what I am actually doing wrong.
To give you more information on what is precisely the problem, I'll give you a little list.
- The people in my hall seem to 'eye me up' strangly as if I have done something awfully wrong when I'm certain I haven't done anything to offend anyone.
- I am talked to differently to other, conversations are barely more than a few sentences long and its not as if anyone looks particularly interested in what I'm telling them.
There's a load of other things that I've forgotten as well because I'm very tired from freshers week and have drank tonight so appologies
Basically I would just love member(s) to post some tips for me to get more gelled with people as this whole situation is awful and its as if my worst nightmare has come true.
To cut a long story short, I don't feel like I have bonded properly with anyone and it's making me feel really depressed and sad
I honestly can't see what I'm doing that's wrong and wish I could just see what I am actually doing wrong.To give you more information on what is precisely the problem, I'll give you a little list.
- The people in my hall seem to 'eye me up' strangly as if I have done something awfully wrong when I'm certain I haven't done anything to offend anyone.
- I am talked to differently to other, conversations are barely more than a few sentences long and its not as if anyone looks particularly interested in what I'm telling them.
There's a load of other things that I've forgotten as well because I'm very tired from freshers week and have drank tonight so appologies
Basically I would just love member(s) to post some tips for me to get more gelled with people as this whole situation is awful and its as if my worst nightmare has come true.
Ironically enough, i'm currently doing a paper on non verbal communication right now as apposed to being out socialising. Doubt you need me to go on about that much though.
Obviously, first off though, are there significant cultural differences present? The fact that you may be from a different culture, or socio-economic background may be subconsciously making people a little more wary.
Do you have any interests, sports wise or society wise? It might be a better idea if you were to join some of these and make friends with people you have lots to talk about. If your a football enthusiast (not sure whether your male or female so forgive me
and forgive me for stereotyping 
) then you'll find it extremely easy to make friends if you join their society/go to the socials.
As for your block mates, well some of them can be a bit distant with new people whom they dont 'click' with straight away. There will always be a few level headed and friendly people in each block, just be more engaged with these sorts of people! Try getting a social event going, 'hey there xx what are you up to later? Do you fancy going to the union for a drink?', 'do you want to go the union sometime this week?'.
The most important thing though, not everyone likes their block mates, heck i hate my current ones - vandalising thugs, almost had to fork over my own cash for the mess they had made, but most of my friends have came from the societys i'm part of. Out of 28 people in my block last year, i'm friends with about 6 with now.
Hope that helps, its 3am here and i'm halfway through an essay so it might not be the best of advice right now
Obviously, first off though, are there significant cultural differences present? The fact that you may be from a different culture, or socio-economic background may be subconsciously making people a little more wary.
Do you have any interests, sports wise or society wise? It might be a better idea if you were to join some of these and make friends with people you have lots to talk about. If your a football enthusiast (not sure whether your male or female so forgive me
and forgive me for stereotyping ) then you'll find it extremely easy to make friends if you join their society/go to the socials.As for your block mates, well some of them can be a bit distant with new people whom they dont 'click' with straight away. There will always be a few level headed and friendly people in each block, just be more engaged with these sorts of people! Try getting a social event going, 'hey there xx what are you up to later? Do you fancy going to the union for a drink?', 'do you want to go the union sometime this week?'.
The most important thing though, not everyone likes their block mates, heck i hate my current ones - vandalising thugs, almost had to fork over my own cash for the mess they had made, but most of my friends have came from the societys i'm part of. Out of 28 people in my block last year, i'm friends with about 6 with now.
Hope that helps, its 3am here and i'm halfway through an essay so it might not be the best of advice right now
Maybe they are just not your type of people? Are you quiet and shy? The problem is not with you though you might just have happened to have got in with people who are not very nice, for example eying you up strangely? (if this is the case give things a few weeks and if you still feel the same you can probably change rooms) There is every chance you will make friends with someone who says they have an empty room in their dorm 
Just don't worry its not the end of the world.
Then again everyone is scared and unsure of others when they first start uni and its natural for everyone to judge everyone one else, so don't assume that they are thinking badly of you just because you get a funny look or two lol.
As for tips the main 2 I can give are:
Give people a second chance if they make a bad first impression.
Let people open up to you slowly, be friendly make sure you are not forcing yourself upon someone (or if you are shy maybe do the opposite and force yourself a bit more)
Call me sad but this might help lol http://www.wikihow.com/Make-Friends, there are quite some good tips.
Let me know how you get on over the next few weeks
Just don't worry its not the end of the world.Then again everyone is scared and unsure of others when they first start uni and its natural for everyone to judge everyone one else, so don't assume that they are thinking badly of you just because you get a funny look or two lol.
As for tips the main 2 I can give are:
Give people a second chance if they make a bad first impression.
Let people open up to you slowly, be friendly make sure you are not forcing yourself upon someone (or if you are shy maybe do the opposite and force yourself a bit more)
Call me sad but this might help lol http://www.wikihow.com/Make-Friends, there are quite some good tips.
Let me know how you get on over the next few weeks
ObsidianExon
you don't fit in because you are a loser!! You are a boring loser!!
In that case he/she has nothing to lose, they can make friends with other boring losers.
Well thanks for being honest, although I'd say that that comment has made me feel a trifle worse and was a little bit nasty.
I think the social background issue could be present, I'm from the South-West whereas a lot of other people are from London and the South-East, and when I say South-West I mean westcountry, not Bristol or anything, I live within a very rural community and it is all a bit of a culture shock for me.
I suppose I am quite a shy person as well but if I'm talked to I won't not talk, I'l make every effort to talk to someone which is why I don't get it.
Another reason maybe because I am in the closet and the people in my block seem to be very laddish and I have heard countless homophobic comments, not directed at me though. This may make me "creep back into my shell" a little bit as telling them is the last thing on my mind as I know I wouldn't be accepted.
I guess the society thing may help, I've signed up to a few so I'll go along and see what happens, and there's ofcourse my course who I should meet people on. The thing is, at the welcome lectures everyone was talking as if they'd known eachother for years and I just didn't have the confidence to strike up a conversation because I just knew that the same thing would happen that always happens = I talk, they reply, a few more meaningless pieces of information are exchanged and then they talk to the people they wre talking to before I butted into their conversation and I'm left there standing like the 'tag along'.
Anyone get where I'm coming from?
I think the social background issue could be present, I'm from the South-West whereas a lot of other people are from London and the South-East, and when I say South-West I mean westcountry, not Bristol or anything, I live within a very rural community and it is all a bit of a culture shock for me.
I suppose I am quite a shy person as well but if I'm talked to I won't not talk, I'l make every effort to talk to someone which is why I don't get it.
Another reason maybe because I am in the closet and the people in my block seem to be very laddish and I have heard countless homophobic comments, not directed at me though. This may make me "creep back into my shell" a little bit as telling them is the last thing on my mind as I know I wouldn't be accepted.
I guess the society thing may help, I've signed up to a few so I'll go along and see what happens, and there's ofcourse my course who I should meet people on. The thing is, at the welcome lectures everyone was talking as if they'd known eachother for years and I just didn't have the confidence to strike up a conversation because I just knew that the same thing would happen that always happens = I talk, they reply, a few more meaningless pieces of information are exchanged and then they talk to the people they wre talking to before I butted into their conversation and I'm left there standing like the 'tag along'.
Anyone get where I'm coming from?
Anonymous
Well thanks for being honest, although I'd say that that comment has made me feel a trifle worse and was a little bit nasty.
I think the social background issue could be present, I'm from the South-West whereas a lot of other people are from London and the South-East, and when I say South-West I mean westcountry, not Bristol or anything, I live within a very rural community and it is all a bit of a culture shock for me.
I suppose I am quite a shy person as well but if I'm talked to I won't not talk, I'l make every effort to talk to someone which is why I don't get it.
Another reason maybe because I am in the closet and the people in my block seem to be very laddish and I have heard countless homophobic comments, not directed at me though. This may make me "creep back into my shell" a little bit as telling them is the last thing on my mind as I know I wouldn't be accepted.
I guess the society thing may help, I've signed up to a few so I'll go along and see what happens, and there's ofcourse my course who I should meet people on. The thing is, at the welcome lectures everyone was talking as if they'd known eachother for years and I just didn't have the confidence to strike up a conversation because I just knew that the same thing would happen that always happens = I talk, they reply, a few more meaningless pieces of information are exchanged and then they talk to the people they wre talking to before I butted into their conversation and I'm left there standing like the 'tag along'.
Anyone get where I'm coming from?
I think the social background issue could be present, I'm from the South-West whereas a lot of other people are from London and the South-East, and when I say South-West I mean westcountry, not Bristol or anything, I live within a very rural community and it is all a bit of a culture shock for me.
I suppose I am quite a shy person as well but if I'm talked to I won't not talk, I'l make every effort to talk to someone which is why I don't get it.
Another reason maybe because I am in the closet and the people in my block seem to be very laddish and I have heard countless homophobic comments, not directed at me though. This may make me "creep back into my shell" a little bit as telling them is the last thing on my mind as I know I wouldn't be accepted.
I guess the society thing may help, I've signed up to a few so I'll go along and see what happens, and there's ofcourse my course who I should meet people on. The thing is, at the welcome lectures everyone was talking as if they'd known eachother for years and I just didn't have the confidence to strike up a conversation because I just knew that the same thing would happen that always happens = I talk, they reply, a few more meaningless pieces of information are exchanged and then they talk to the people they wre talking to before I butted into their conversation and I'm left there standing like the 'tag along'.
Anyone get where I'm coming from?
I know where your coming from, I'm also from the westcountry, in the countryside, it's difficult at first to adapt to the new culture, but you get used to it, and try not going back home until around christmas time as you want to adapt as much as you can during term time.
The shyness should cease little by little as the year progresses as you start knowing peoples interests and backgrounds and conversations go more easily, it's not the end of the world if you can't get along wih certain people, theres usually plenty more fish in the sea, try joining societies, and clubs that interest you, and maybe you'll find more friends there.
Thanks everyone, this feeling's eased in the last day or 2 and I've kind of found my 'niche' within a certain group of people, but its still awkward when the people I know also talk to people whom I don't know too well and I'm kinda left feeling like the outsider again, but for now I can cope.
Your expecting too much too soon,I made 3 close friends in my first year,and I met them a few months after freshers week.
Most of the people you meet in freshers week are insignificant,you won't even rememeber half their names soon.
Don't worry.
Most of the people you meet in freshers week are insignificant,you won't even rememeber half their names soon.
Don't worry.
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