Hello there.
I've had a crush on a guy for five years now. We worked together for about a year and I always felt nervous around him because I found him to be cute and have a good personality. I always assumed he wouldn't ever be into me because he seems way out of my league; however, he texted me for the first time about work, then added me on Snapchat, and would send snaps with flirty captions such as "you're cute" or "you seem like such a sweetheart" or asking if I would like to hang out. Because I figured he would never like a girl like me, I didn't think he was being flirty; I assumed he was just saying silly things especially when he was intoxicated. The thing is, I've been in a relationship while this other guy was sending flirty messages. Due to that, and the fact that I didn't think he was being flirty, I would usually respond with a simple "thank you" and change the subject. However, I liked receiving such messages from him from the start. I mean, to finally be flirted with by my crush of almost five years! But I know this is unacceptable behavior while in a relationship. At first I mentioned the messages to my then-boyfriend (now fiance), but after a little while I became more secretive about hiding the fact that I was still in communication with this other man.
I know what I did was not okay, and I recognize that it was crossing the line, if not full on emotional infidelity.
My now fiance and I took a brief break/break up, and when we got back together, he proposed shortly after. I was happy and accepted, but I can't stop thinking of the guy I still have a crush on. I feel terribly guilty. I don't communicate with him anymore, but only because my fiance made me unfriend him on Snapchat. I was intoxicated recently and became incredibly sad, and the first person I wanted to talk to was my crush; I tried to add him back on Snapchat to talk to him, but thankfully I was too drunk to find him on Snapchat. I've reached out to him via Snapchat before when I was drunk and sad.
What are your thoughts about the situation and what I should do? Do you think I have simply idealized my crush in all these years of crushing on him? I mean, I don't even know him well. How can I stop thinking about him, and wanting to turn to him when drunk and feeling sad?
I apologize for the long explanation. Thanks for any input!