Personal statement Introduction- please help

I am in my redraft of my personal statement and don't think my introduction is catchy enough to attain the admissions tutor's eye for the duration.

Can anyone suggest any tips for creating the perfect introduction for a unique personal statement?

- How did you start yours generally ?
- How long was your intro?
- What types of things did it include?

Any help would be much appreciated,

Reply 1

Mr_Deeds

13

Mine just went straight into why I've decided to apply for Law; what aspects of the course I'm looking forward to and why I think I'd be suitable. What are you applying for?

Reply 2

cpj1987

15

What subject(s) are you applying for?

I kinda launched straight into mine, with something along the lines of 'Since playing a part in a television series in 2002, I've had a strong interest in television. Throughout the year of filming, I'd wished that I could be behind the cameras, rather than in front of them; and it's my dream for this to happen in the future...'

Obviously worded much better, but you get the idea...

Then I went into just how much I wanted that career, and what other past experiences fit into it.

Reply 3

bex_26797

OP

14

I am applying for a teaching degree for some choices, and a social work, hence my problem.

From a young age I had an inclination for working with people whether it be helping someone who had fallen off their bike or helping around the house, it really satisfied me that I had the capacity to help someone other than myself. The ability to help enabled me to become determined to procure an occupation which enabled me to make a visible difference within the community. Thus I have become determined to work with people in some capacity, and my desire is to work with children and those with Special Educational needs.

in my pursuit to be capable of helping people most, I have been drawn to teaching courses and social work degrees. The teaching courses enable considerable interaction with pupils and it struck me that teachers are in the position in which they can make such positive influences on pupil’s lives and that prospect appeals to me. Similarly partaking in a social work degree would enable me to be capable of making a difference in someone’s life.

The above is my lame attempt which even I believe to be cliche, so I need urgent help!

Reply 4

*pitseleh*

20

bex_26797

I am in my redraft of my personal statement and don't think my introduction is catchy enough to attain the admissions tutor's eye for the duration.

Can anyone suggest any tips for creating the perfect introduction for a unique personal statement?

- How did you start yours generally ?
- How long was your intro?
- What types of things did it include?

Any help would be much appreciated,

That's the tough one, isn't it? :s-smilie:

TBH I don't think you'll get any conclusive responses on how to make a "perfect" introduction.. as anyone who's discovered a really unique way to put things is hardly likely to share it - and the rest of us probably went with our own variation of tried-and-tested introductions, and are therefore not wholly unique.

Generally speaking, I introduced mine by talking - very briefly - about my academic ability and passion for the subject I've chosen to study - literally just one or two sentences - and that was my introduction. I personally like introductions to be concise (and therefore memorable) which is why I didn't weigh it down with *too* much information.

Hope that helps, if only a little :smile:

Reply 5

bex_26797

OP

14

Is it acceptable to mention quotes in a personal statement?

eg natole France

The whole art of teaching is only the art of awakening the natural curiosity of young minds for the purpose of satisfying it afterwards

would that strike you as being inappropriate?

Reply 6

*pitseleh*

20

bex_26797

Is it acceptable to mention quotes in a personal statement?

eg natole France

The whole art of teaching is only the art of awakening the natural curiosity of young minds for the purpose of satisfying it afterwards

would that strike you as being inappropriate?

Why don't you start with that quote?! That would be perfect: IMHO, quotations are fine, so long as they're relevant and not over-used. One of my (Christian) friends began her Medical application with a Bible quote, and got into every university she applied to :smile:

Reply 7

Joanna May

15

To me, quotes are a waste of characters and line space. I'd only use them if I was struggling to write more than about thirty five lines.

Reply 8

BillPitt

I think if you can get a decent and relavent quote, it's a good way to start. That's how my current personal statement draft starts.

Reply 9

cpj1987

15

Yeah I'd start off with that quote, and then have the introduction as what that quote means to you. :smile:

Reply 10

Naranoc

13

The worst you could do is include "Man is by nature a political animal" if you're applying for Politics. I feel sorry for the admissions tutors, having to read that and various other cliched quotations over and over again.

Reply 11

silent ninja

19

Avoid quotes.

My opening line is great (I think anyway). Keep it short-- this has greater impact. Certainly don't go on with multiple clauses in your opening sentence.

Reply 12

BillPitt

I didn't realise Ninja's were such experts on Personal Statements, I'm surprised you can even read while lurking 'in the shadows'. Don't say your opinion as if a fact.

Reply 13

bex_26797

OP

14

Hey guys, thank you all for your opinions, I decided upon including a quote in the opening paragraph because I believe it will sound more intriguing

Reply 14

Good bloke

19

I don't think quotes are a good idea and, if I remember correctly, LSE's specific recommendation is not to use them - for the obvious reason that they want to know what you have to say, not what some dead author (or live scientist) said.

Reply 15

RaulS1987

I have read several times that they advise AGAINST using quotes in your PS.

Reply 16

silent ninja

19

BillPitt

I didn't realise Ninja's were such experts on Personal Statements, I'm surprised you can even read while lurking 'in the shadows'. Don't say your opinion as if a fact.

On such a thread, everything is opinion you idiot. Stop trying to act all high and mighty.

Reply 17

*pitseleh*

20

RaulS1987

I have read several times that they advise AGAINST using quotes in your PS.

Would you be able to post where you've read this? Thanks :smile:

Reply 18

Juno

20

Quotes can be bad, but they can be good. You need something short so you don't waste valuable space. And you need something that actually says something and means something to you.

And don't then say things like "this quote conveys my passion", especially if the quote isn't passionate.

Reply 19

RaulS1987

*ellen marine*

Would you be able to post where you've read this? Thanks :smile:

Let me have a look

Personal statement Introduction- please help

Related discussions

Articles for you