19 and never had a boyfriend Watch

Anonymous #1
#1
Report Thread starter 2 years ago
#1
So I'm 19, nearly 20, and I've never had a boyfriend, I've never even dated - I'm at the end of 1st year of uni and still nothing's happened. I suppose it doesn't help that I was in an all-girls school and my course is 80% girls. I don't think I'm entirely hideously unattractive, I always make an effort with my clothes/make-up/hair and I have plenty of friends so I don't think I'm a terrible person either!
I just haven't 'liked' any guy I've met in uni in that way - or anyone actually, in a few years now - I don't know if there's something wrong with me or I have this idealised/romanticised ideal of love (based on films/tv) that's someone's going to take my breath away etc etc - do people actually experience that in real life?

I think I'd have to get to know someone a bit before I could like them in that way?
I guess I'm also a bit shy, which probably doesn't help. Not in an extreme way but I'm not the type to start conversations with random people, or if I was at a party i'd probably just stick with my friends instead of talking to strangers. Tinder or getting with random people at clubs isn't really my thing (no judgement to people that do, I just don't want to) - I feel like that limits my chances a lot.

I also get really nervous talking to guys one on one, even like on the bus lol. Although I would like a relationship I get so terrified that they're going to ask me out or something and if I don't like them like that I won't know how to respond - so I never really get to know guys anyway, and I feel like I'd need to know them to like them like that. I know that sounds like I'm expecting every guy to ask me on a date and have some over inflated ego but I definitely don't - it's never even happened once but it's just some really weird irrational fear.

I'm not miserable at all but I just worry that other people will think there's something wrong with me, whenever I go home from uni one of the first things friends ask about is boys etc. It's the same at every family gathering - which is frankly embarrassing.

Any advice?
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anosmianAcrimony
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Don't worry - it's early days yet.
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Rhythmical
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You're still young, you have time. Join some societies or try to meet new people in social events and gatherings or if you really want, try online dating. I hope it works out for you.
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Gax
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pfft you're still a teenager still figuring out your life; it'll happen when you least expect it to :bath:
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queenofswords
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23 and never dated :rofl:

(by choice)

But I have been on many 'dates' with a person I really liked.
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Anonymous #2
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#6
I'm basically you, but male? I've been at uni for nearly a year now. Lots of girls around (despite being STEM and rather unbalanced towards the male end), and I've asked out a female friend before but she declined. That's alright. But I'm not really sure where to even start with dating. Go to parties? I go to parties and yet still nothing happens. I talk to people, but I guess that's not enough? I consume copious amounts of alcohol but that doesn't un-fock my inherent social anxiety. I've tried Tinder (just for the lols) and have only had a single match in like 2 months.

I'm counting on meeting more people next year. I know some people who met their SOs in second year and onwards, and it just sort of happens I guess? Will see how it pans out but probably don't stress about it.
Oh I'm a virgin too :/. It's great to be around people who play 'have you ever' involving locations where they've had sex before because I don't get to drink at all…
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Anonymous #3
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You're still very young. As another user has stated, join clubs and societies at uni.

You could try online dating, speed dating(Google speed events near you), joining clubs based on your interests, getting a job at the side, through family, friends or even once you start your career.

By happy and keep going, you'll find someone .
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sunnydespair
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I'm single at the age of 26. Just gotta be patient...
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PopeIsDead
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I'm 25 and have never had any girls interested in me, the only thing I've ever had is a couple of one night stands when I was at uni. I think I make girls feel sick tbh.
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UWS
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OP, relax you're only 19. Still early days.

(Original post by queenofswords)
23 and never dated :rofl:

(by choice)
Same

(not by choice)
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Ash8991
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(Original post by Anonymous)
So I'm 19, nearly 20, and I've never had a boyfriend, I've never even dated - I'm at the end of 1st year of uni and still nothing's happened. I suppose it doesn't help that I was in an all-girls school and my course is 80% girls. I don't think I'm entirely hideously unattractive, I always make an effort with my clothes/make-up/hair and I have plenty of friends so I don't think I'm a terrible person either!
I just haven't 'liked' any guy I've met in uni in that way - or anyone actually, in a few years now - I don't know if there's something wrong with me or I have this idealised/romanticised ideal of love (based on films/tv) that's someone's going to take my breath away etc etc - do people actually experience that in real life?

I think I'd have to get to know someone a bit before I could like them in that way?
I guess I'm also a bit shy, which probably doesn't help. Not in an extreme way but I'm not the type to start conversations with random people, or if I was at a party i'd probably just stick with my friends instead of talking to strangers. Tinder or getting with random people at clubs isn't really my thing (no judgement to people that do, I just don't want to) - I feel like that limits my chances a lot.

I also get really nervous talking to guys one on one, even like on the bus lol. Although I would like a relationship I get so terrified that they're going to ask me out or something and if I don't like them like that I won't know how to respond - so I never really get to know guys anyway, and I feel like I'd need to know them to like them like that. I know that sounds like I'm expecting every guy to ask me on a date and have some over inflated ego but I definitely don't - it's never even happened once but it's just some really weird irrational fear.

I'm not miserable at all but I just worry that other people will think there's something wrong with me, whenever I go home from uni one of the first things friends ask about is boys etc. It's the same at every family gathering - which is frankly embarrassing.

Any advice?
How high are your standards? If they're pretty low then waiting is your best option (You WILL eventually find someone) but if they're very high, you're best off just lowering them; let's be realistic, not everyone is going to get with who they want to get with. My standards are extremely low as of right now and even then, I'm struggling to find a gf lol.
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ChickenMadness
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same
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BuildTheWall
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#13
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Could you post a selfie? Sometimes make-up can help you look more attractive. If you're failing with men then perhaps you will tickle more women
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Anonymous #4
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(Original post by PopeIsDead)
I'm 25 and have never had any girls interested in me, the only thing I've ever had is a couple of one night stands when I was at uni. I think I make girls feel sick tbh.
one night stands? The girls I've met have never been up for that thing!
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beach700
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If we put 100 males in a room with you, one will like you.

It's all about communicating.

If you want a boyfriend, you have to try and never give up.

Ask a guy out on a date, if he says no then you move on to the next just like with a job interview.

You can get rejected over 100 times before getting a boyfriend.

Remember that everyone has different personalities and different tastes so it's impossible that not even one guy will like you.

If you are too shy, then you need to practice speaking so you could do it without being nervous.
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Thomazo
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At 19 still completely normal. It depends on the opportunities you've had. An all-girl school/course has limited your chances compared to many others. So for you it's more than normal.
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queenofswords
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(Original post by UWS)
Same

(not by choice)
But you've been on dates right?
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username2981082
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Seriously don't stress yourself about it. University life has created this culture where it is cool to have a bf/gf or be sleeping around with everyone. I am 20 as well and never had a proper bf/gf but I don't really care. When it happens it happens. You would much rather wait for the right person to date rather than date a guy just for the sake of having a bf.
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masterwam
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#19
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I am a male and I honestly could not care about being in a relationship because I think there are more important things in life, as I want to go into politics, hopefully become an MP for the conservatives. I have no time for the relationships as I think they are detrimental to ones study at uni. Unfortuntely, having this sort of quirk has actually got me female attention for being cute apparently but then again im at a uni in europe so there is probably different rules.
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Devify
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Just join some societies, go to their events. You'll likely meet some guys in kinda group environment that you may get to like.

Falling in love by just seeing a person for the first time doesn't really work. You may develop a small crush from their looks and maybe how they act but it's difficult to actually fall in love with someone you don't even know.

Like other people have been saying tho, you have plenty of time still. Just go on a couple of dates with guys, have a bit of fun and experience it without the intention of finding the person you're going to marry. It might work out, and it might not but it's still experience and maybe will take care of your slight anxiety when talking to guys one on one.
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