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Ballad

I wrote a ballad and how do I improve and make it sound better. It's supposed to have at lease 4 stanzas of 4 verses each and my rhyming pattern is ABCB. Thanks.

Here is a ballad about Mark Zuckerberg:

Youngest billionaire, how can it be?
He hacked Harvard's database
For a game of FaceMash
It lit and grew into a fireplace

Waves clashed and the server crashed
Moments later before the committee
He stood receiving his punishment
FaceMash smashed to death, but not for eternity

Right after that he launched a new app
Its name Facebook
The web of family, friends, folks of the globe
News spread and the whole world shook

Victim of insomnia and a great man
Great invention that lead to an earthquake
Creator of a kingdom that swell knows its people
A hero by mistake?
Reply 1
Avatar for Drez999
Drez999
3
I don't know how it can be improved...

Very moving...

I cried....
Reply 2
Avatar for unichicken
unichicken
OP
Original post by Drez999
I don't know how it can be improved...

Very moving...

I cried....


How is it moving....
Reply 3
Avatar for Drez999
Drez999
3
Original post by unichicken
How is it moving....


Seemingly in more ways than you envisaged when you wrote it...:redface:
Reply 4
Avatar for gjd800
gjd800
20
Original post by Drez999
Seemingly in more ways than you envisaged when you wrote it...:redface:


Toilet trip?
Reply 5
Avatar for Drez999
Drez999
3
Original post by gjd800
Toilet trip?


Ewww, not on any shift I've worked on...:smile:
Reply 6
Avatar for gjd800
gjd800
20
Original post by Drez999
Ewww, not on any shift I've worked on...:smile:


:lol:
Reply 7
Avatar for unichicken
unichicken
OP
Seriously...

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