Am I a child abuser?

Lol, this sounds petty but my friend has fell out with me 2 days ago and im still annoyed and think I am right but what do you think? Basically she has a 12 month old baby (but hes walking now) and came to my house with something for my mum (from her mum). We were fussing over her baby, talking to him etc and she mentioned how he looked small and pale and said he's healthier than most babies though as she breast fed him for 7 months etc Anyway she noticed that I had a wii near my TV and wanted to play on it so I said sure and turned it on, I knew it would be hard though with the baby walking about and crying so I told her to ask her mum if she'l have him for an hour so we could have some time to ourselves.

She wouldn't ask though and said that we can take it in turns to keep an eye on him. So she started the game and I couldn't watch her on it as I was constantly chasing after the baby and he started crying everytime I grabbed him, she hadn't brought a pram or anything. He turned the console off 4 times so we had to restart the game lol and kept picking things up and swiping things off my parents table. What was annoying though was she was laughing at him and I was getting more annoyed. I was sick of chasing him so I sat down with him and kept hold of his arm, he started crying as he couldn't get away from me and my friend said 'don't do that he hates people holding his arm, hold his hood', so I said 'well I hate him trashing the house' its the only way to stop him and kept hold of him then he cried really loud she got mad and shouted 'don't, are you thick?' I said 'well your not disciplining him your just laughing'. She then said 'common hes only 12 month old what do you expect you know'. Then she just said 'Ive got to go anyway and left'. :confused:

What should I have done? He never normally shouts and one minute she was laughing at him then got mad at me. Should I phone her?

Reply 1

fleur de lis

15

No you're not a child abuser. No offence, but she sounds like a pretty irresponsible parent if she wouldn't ask for someone to look after him, or help you to look after him. If she could see that he was causing trouble and you couldn't control him, she should have attempted to help rather than laughing.

I'd just leave it tbh, you've done nothing wrong imo.

Reply 2

nougat

He is only a year old, he wasn't being naughty, he was just doing what all babies do, bumbling around and checking things out. You shouldn't have tried to discipline her child even if he was in your house. Just phone and apologise, not worth fighting over.

Reply 3

Dhampir

Its hard to say tbh. Yes, the child is only a year old, but there is an acceptable level of behaviour, even then. Letting the child thinking they can get away with damaging things isn't the best of ideas.

Reply 4

Ariadne

16

You're definitely not a child abuser. Your reactions were completely fine - your friend sounds like a terrible mum though. If the child was upset whilst she played video games, as the parent she should have got off her arse and sorted it out. How old is this girl anyway?? Children need discipline (at risk of sounding like a complete Nazi), and laughing it off when the child actually should be scolded is not the right course of action.

Reply 5

fleur de lis

15

Dhampir

Its hard to say tbh. Yes, the child is only a year old, but there is an acceptable level of behaviour, even then. Letting the child thinking they can get away with damaging things isn't the best of ideas.

Definitely agree with this. Yes he's only one year old and doesn't know any better, but that doesn't make it ok. He was damaging stuff. It's not like the OP was being intentionally violent and disciplining, he was simply trying too keep the lil guy still... and the mum was doing sod all to help.

Reply 6

Anonymous #1

OP

Well she did shout his name a few times and said 'come here' but she was playing a game, shes 19 and a really good mum in taking care of his health - in the way that she won't let him have junk food or let him have a dummy so shes not really irrisponsible. Its just she was laughing at the same time and I was annoyed, I didn't try to discipline him I couldn't care less how she teaches him but I didn't want to keep chasing after him and the house trashing so I sat down with him and wouldn't let him go but he started crying. Im never having kids!

Not at all.

As a parent your child should be your primary concern. By playing on the Wii she wasn't concentrating fully on him and so she's in the wrong, not you. If she comes round to see you and she brings him, you can easily socialise by sitting together and talking - she can keep an eye on him then. If she feels she's missing out on aspects of her social life by having to watch him all the time, then no offence, but she shouldn't have had him.

Reply 9

fleur de lis

15

Angelil

As a parent your child should be your primary concern. By playing on the Wii she wasn't concentrating fully on him and so she's in the wrong, not you. If she comes round to see you and she brings him, you can easily socialise by sitting together and talking - she can keep an eye on him then. If she feels she's missing out on aspects of her social life by having to watch him all the time, then no offence, but she shouldn't have had him.

I don't agree with this bit. You don't have to give up your social life full stop when you have kids, but sure they're your priority. It doesn't mean that if you want a social life you shouldn't have a child though. There's babysitters, or in this case she could have asked her mum to look after him (which I think she should have done). Like you say though, if the lil guy's running around causing havoc and she's in charge of looking after him, then the wii's obviously not happening and they could have sat down and just chatted while watching the baby too.

Reply 10

Angelil

19

Having a social life is fine as long as you're keeping an eye on your kid, or making sure someone else responsible is doing it for you, while you do it. It doesn't sound like the OP's friend was doing this.

Reply 11

_:_Emo_Cheerleader_:_

1

No way! You did what you thought was right.

Reply 12

CelticTyger

No, you're not. You were the responsible one in this situation. I don't know the girl but based on what happened this time, she sounds irresponsible. My daughter is only 10 months old, but we tell her off if she plays up and if she is being naughty or messing with things she shouldn't, she has to sit on mine or my partner's lap. She doesn't like it, but that doesn't matter. So what if her son doesn't like being held in one place, she should be the boss in the situation, not the 1 year old.

This type of parenting is what causes the terrible society we have nowadays where parents are scared to tell their kids off in case the kids hit them and teachers can get sacked for shouting at a pupil (no joke, a teacher at the school i went to was suspended for shouting at a pupil).

Ok, maybe you were wrong for disciplining HER child, but somebody had to.

Reply 13

Cowz

Dhampir

Its hard to say tbh. Yes, the child is only a year old, but there is an acceptable level of behaviour, even then. Letting the child thinking they can get away with damaging things isn't the best of ideas.

But you don't discipline children by physically restraining them like a dog. Geesh!

Anonymous

She wouldn't ask though and said that we can take it in turns to keep an eye on him. So she started the game and I couldn't watch her on it as I was constantly chasing after the baby and he started crying everytime I grabbed him, she hadn't brought a pram or anything.

So I take it by that you wanted to shove the poor kid in a pram just because they were trying to explore?

Not to judge, but from you're post you don't sound very old and so I'm guessing your friend isn't either. Well spare a thought for her, I cannot believe you are annoyed over the incident-all she wanted was a few moments to relax whilst she played computer games. It's not like she completely left you alone with the baby anyway, but she would still like some help. I'm afraid your going to realise that your friend is a mum now, it's always going to be her and her baby, and the baby will always come first.

Unless you apologise soon and explain you're not very good with children, I think you may loose a friend.

Reply 14

Anonymous #1

OP

bright star

she should have brought somme sort of chair she could strap him in to.... you definitely didn't abuse the child tho....

I thought that, I had him sat quietly with a soft toy at one point but he stood up and she was saying 'watch he doesn't fall'. Obviously I wouldn't have let him but it shows she does keep her eye on him so I wouldn't say shes a bad parent. Ive never looked after a kid before so maybe she thought I had no common sense, I still think shes petty for shouting at me but mothers will be mothers.

So should I just leave it then and phone her in a week if shes not contacted me?

Reply 15

Cowz

CelticTyger

This type of parenting is what causes the terrible society we have nowadays where parents are scared to tell their kids off in case the kids hit them and teachers can get sacked for shouting at a pupil (no joke, a teacher at the school i went to was suspended for shouting at a pupil).

Oh come off it! You sound like bleedin' Cameron. It's all very easy being a parent when you have it ona silver spoon you know.

Reply 16

Lorena

5

Do you seriously think you're a child abuser or do you just want everyone to tell you that you aren't?

Reply 17

fleur de lis

15

Yeah, just leave it a while and then phone in a few days or a week :smile:

I'm sure it'll blow over.

Reply 18

Franc Vouloir

11

People who still play computer games shouldn't have children. :frown:

Reply 19

Sarahl89

15

couldnt you have just shut the doo or something to stop him running around the house? also twas a bit stupid to keep a hold of him after she'd told you he didnt like it & to let go? theres ways & ways of handling one year old children, and maybe thatt was not the right one :smile:

maybe it wouldve been better to try and amuse / play with him to stop him from being curious & doing what all one year olds (unwittingly) do.

i think you should ring and apologise personally,, its only a one year old wiping a few things off a table after all, not like the house was falling down.. not something i would get overly annoyed about really. and yes maybe she shouldve tried abit harder to stop him from doing it, but its not like she was doing nothing, as you said she was telling him to come away & be good..

Am I a child abuser?

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