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My dear,
My ex-bf left me for another girl who was studying in the same college with us. And she was in his room when I was there. I wanted to confront the girl, but this a...h... backed her up.
I was so not myself. I was so depressed. I even wanted to kill him.
Life goes on. Got a job and having great time for myself. You will get over with after awhile. Be strong!
My ex-bf left me for another girl who was studying in the same college with us. And she was in his room when I was there. I wanted to confront the girl, but this a...h... backed her up.
I was so not myself. I was so depressed. I even wanted to kill him.
Life goes on. Got a job and having great time for myself. You will get over with after awhile. Be strong!
i dont blame you for being paranoid, and to be honest the questions your asking your self are the same questions anyone would want answers too...
the break from you, the new friend, the long visit away with this new friend... its not a pleasant answer...
the break from you, the new friend, the long visit away with this new friend... its not a pleasant answer...
BenSpurgen
Screw anonymity then, I want answers.
So I've been seeing a girl exclusively for around 2 years now, and seemingly out of the blue she told me last night she needs a break for a month or so to get her head around some things. These 'things' are sortof skeletons in her closet as it were, and whilst it isn't my place to say what happened to her it was pretty damn serious. We went through this before a long while back, but she didn't need to 'go on a break' last time, which has got me rather worried. Also, I don't see exactly why I would need to stop seeing her for a month to clear her head, since the issues which she says are the problem have nothing to do with me. D'you think this is cause for concern?
Also, there's some guy she's started talking to a few weeks ago who was an old friend from years back. He's been hitting on her majorly, and last monday he came out and told her he has a big thing for her. In the whole time we've been going out she's had plenty of guys hit on her and I've never got jealous or annoyed about it before, because I trusted her and I was sure we were stronger than that - it's just a normal part of life, right? She's seemed different the last few weeks however, and we've argued quite a bit, which is really unusual for us. She's going down to london with him and her friend in a few weeks (worried!!) to see a gig, and she's staying 2 nights there. This has made me uber-paranoid, which again hasn't happened before in our relationship. Why would she need to stay down there 2 nights? It only takes an hour or so to get to london by train from her, which I know is no problem at all: it's definitely not an inconvenience to go home after or only stay one night, so staying 2 just seems a bit worrying... I do want to trust her but she's been acting different the past while, and the fact this 'break' coincides with her starting to talk to this bastard has got me really worked up...
I would say I'm normally a massive optimist, but being without her seems so strange, sort of empty, and since I'm usually so cheery I feel so much worse comparatively than I normally do. I want to stay with her and I really do hope this break is just to get her head all sorted out, but I don't want to spend a month trying to stay close to her just to find out that it's over in the end, because then it'll just hurt even more, and even a couple days of this has been awful - I havent felt this rubbish in quite literally years =[ I don't know what to do about this guy, I don't think it's right for me to tell her to stop being friends with him, but the fact is she knows how much this all gets to me and how much I hate him, and she's still going down to stay with her friend and him anyway - why?! Before this we hadn't had any other arguments or issues to spark this off, I've always been faithful to her and I'm convinced she has to me too...
Help!
So I've been seeing a girl exclusively for around 2 years now, and seemingly out of the blue she told me last night she needs a break for a month or so to get her head around some things. These 'things' are sortof skeletons in her closet as it were, and whilst it isn't my place to say what happened to her it was pretty damn serious. We went through this before a long while back, but she didn't need to 'go on a break' last time, which has got me rather worried. Also, I don't see exactly why I would need to stop seeing her for a month to clear her head, since the issues which she says are the problem have nothing to do with me. D'you think this is cause for concern?
Also, there's some guy she's started talking to a few weeks ago who was an old friend from years back. He's been hitting on her majorly, and last monday he came out and told her he has a big thing for her. In the whole time we've been going out she's had plenty of guys hit on her and I've never got jealous or annoyed about it before, because I trusted her and I was sure we were stronger than that - it's just a normal part of life, right? She's seemed different the last few weeks however, and we've argued quite a bit, which is really unusual for us. She's going down to london with him and her friend in a few weeks (worried!!) to see a gig, and she's staying 2 nights there. This has made me uber-paranoid, which again hasn't happened before in our relationship. Why would she need to stay down there 2 nights? It only takes an hour or so to get to london by train from her, which I know is no problem at all: it's definitely not an inconvenience to go home after or only stay one night, so staying 2 just seems a bit worrying... I do want to trust her but she's been acting different the past while, and the fact this 'break' coincides with her starting to talk to this bastard has got me really worked up...
I would say I'm normally a massive optimist, but being without her seems so strange, sort of empty, and since I'm usually so cheery I feel so much worse comparatively than I normally do. I want to stay with her and I really do hope this break is just to get her head all sorted out, but I don't want to spend a month trying to stay close to her just to find out that it's over in the end, because then it'll just hurt even more, and even a couple days of this has been awful - I havent felt this rubbish in quite literally years =[ I don't know what to do about this guy, I don't think it's right for me to tell her to stop being friends with him, but the fact is she knows how much this all gets to me and how much I hate him, and she's still going down to stay with her friend and him anyway - why?! Before this we hadn't had any other arguments or issues to spark this off, I've always been faithful to her and I'm convinced she has to me too...
Help!
Firstly: confront her and, if you haven't done so already, ask her what this 'break' entails. Suffice it to say that re-defining a relationship is like re-drafting a contract: it is not something that should be undertaken unilaterally. For instance, a 'break' may by her reckoning imply mandate to experiment (perhaps sexually) with others; in which case (bearing in mind that she orchestrated this for her benefit, whereas you're still devoted to her and her alone) she will be having her cake and eating it too, and you ought to warn her that you will do likewise. Of course, trust is presumed in all instances: if this seems too one-sided, and too much to ask of you (given the circumstances), then dump her.
Otherwise; be as you've been throughout your relationship, which was (up until recently) a stable, happy one. If your conduct or behaviour is remiss, then it befalls her to bring this your attention: she hasn't. If she has 'cold feet', then it befalls her to dump you: she hasn't. Assuming that she ultimately does leave you, you will at least take solace in the fact that she left you as she found you; that you are really no different from how you were at the inception of this relationship or for the intervening two years (throughout which she has chosen to be, and to remain, your girlfriend; without incident); that you acquitted yourself as her boyfriend to the best of your knowledge/ability: and hence the blame, if any, is inherent with her.
If you spoil for conflict now, on the other hand, and by doing so introduce inconsistency into the equation on your part: you'll forever rue the possibility that you drove her (needlessly) away. So, don't; know where you stand, confirm that this arrangement is an equal-terms proposition, and trust her to respect it as she would have you do.
It seems she wants a break from you to not feel guilty over being with the other guy while she figures out if she prefers him or you. Then again, you might be reading too much into the situation. Hard to tell. Either way, you should confront her and tell her everything you wrote here and see how she reacts.
She can't just have the best of both worlds, to me it looks like a pathetic excuse for a break so she can go off and have fun with this guy. Don't wait for her to come back. Breaks rarely work anyway.
I think you really need to ask her what this break really means. I personally wouldn't be comfortable with my other half going to London and spending 2 nights with someone who obviously means something to them.
I had a break, well actually a break up, with my fiance last year for 2 months. I too wanted to take stock, our relationship had grown stale and I didn't see any future for us. However 2 months later we got back together and are now stronger than ever, we both learned alot in that break and learned to appreciate each other.
Breaks aren't necessarily bad things, but it does sound like you need to address the situation now, before it get's out of hand. Unfortunately it sounds like she is very confused and may be thinking the grass is greener...
Good Luck
I had a break, well actually a break up, with my fiance last year for 2 months. I too wanted to take stock, our relationship had grown stale and I didn't see any future for us. However 2 months later we got back together and are now stronger than ever, we both learned alot in that break and learned to appreciate each other.
Breaks aren't necessarily bad things, but it does sound like you need to address the situation now, before it get's out of hand. Unfortunately it sounds like she is very confused and may be thinking the grass is greener...
Good Luck
If you know your not usually a paranoid person and then your instincts are telling you something is up, then I think that unfortunately that means that you could be right.... all you can really do is tell her how you feel about whats going on, and then let her have a break and then see what happens!
Erp, i have to say, it doesn't sound so great to me; I'd probably be even more paranoid, and I doubt yours is unjustified. It does, I'm sorry to say, sound to me that she is on this break with you in order to figure out whether she likes him, or you better without technically cheating on you.
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