Mum & Dad Fighting, Not Even Sleeping in Same Room.

This is the first 'Real' (i.e. from the heart) post I think i've ever made on a Forum.

I would like to add also that I'm not on Suicidal levels or anything and that the reason because I am anon is because of the nature.

- Basically my dad and mum have got into an argument/fight (from an Asian family) and they are no longer even sleeping in the same room. I only found this out today with this having gone on since 2 days ago.

Apparently (according to my dad) it was over him shouting at my sister pretty badly (leading to her crying) and then my mum screwed at my dad.

Now my mum is the type of women who would never stand up to my dad (not that there is any physical violence aspect or anything) and even now, while my dad is in there normal bed my mum has moved downstairs to a spare room.

I always feel sorry for my mum (not in a pathetic way) but in the way she never stands up for herself and that when my dad sometimes screws at her she doesn't say anything back and i get so pissed of that i stand up and say something to my dad instead.

I'm 19 and seriously the last time I cried was when i was like 8 and got injured in a game of football, but all this **** that has happened has actually reduced me to tears (even when i'm writing this).

I know people (possibly on here) may have gone through something much worse such as there parents actually getting divorced or even domestic violence cases, but this has never happened to me on this scale.

I wish sometimes i could just take my mum away from all this (but only being in year 13 can't really do this), but yet i still love my dad as he has always helped me also.

I know there still in love etc and this is just a patch, but i can't help but feel a bit upset :frown:

I guess i just needed a place to talk lol, so thanks for listening and any words of support would be kindly apricated............

Reply 1

dobbs

Firstly,

because I know what it feels like!

Secondly, just to give you the background - back when I was in Year 8 my parents had a massive argument and the next morning when I went downstairs my Dad told me my Mam had went to stay with my grandparents for a bit. This was quite traumatic, especially for my younger sister at the time.

To cut a long story short apparantly my Mam had been having an affair with some guy down the street (though I'm not even sure if this was true or my Dad just accusing her of it). Anyway it went on for a few weeks - should they divorce, shouldn't they, etc etc. And I can quite easily say it was the worst few weeks of my whole entire life - so bad that I've practically blanked the experience out of my memory. I never talk about it to anyone!

In the end my parents stayed together, the reasons being they didn't want to split a family up - i.e. me and my sisters. After a couple of weeks it went back to normal kind of and slowly we forgot about it all.

Anyway, my point is that there is hope yet so don't worry too much (though that's easier said than done!), but then again don't get too hung over about being upset - of course you'll be upset - the two people who care about you more than anything in the world seem to be breaking at the seams, it's not a nice thing to see! :frown:

I think the best thing to do is don't get involved too much. As much as you think you may understand, there may be a lot that you don't know, and you Mam might not want or need you to get in between her and your Dad. It could just make the whole situation worse. They're mature adults and will work around it, and hopefully everything will be better in a little while :smile:

And if not....then we're always here to rant at! :wink:

Reply 2

Anonymous #1

Thanks Dobbs :smile:

Seriously you don't know how good it feels to have someone to talk to who has been through some thing similar, so like i said thanks again mate.

Yeah i've calmed down from before just letting things settle in and concentrating on other things really (the rant on here really helped lol, i was never a beliver of 'ot's better to let it out then keep it in' till now).

and PS. honestly mate your a bigger man then i'll ever be for getting through something like that as i'm feeling upset at this (which is nothing when compared to you man) :hugs:

Reply 3

dobbs

Anonymous

Thanks Dobbs :smile:

It's cool - but please don't put your situation below anyone else's - never ever relate a situation you're in to a situation someone else is in. For me, if I feel like absolute crap because something's happened in my life, I shouldn't feel better because someone else is worse off than me!

Anyway, the situation you're in does sound like it's worth getting upset over, so please don't feel bad about being upset!! It's natural to be upset, just let it work it's natural course :smile:

The only thing that I felt was worse was that I was only about 12-13 years old at the time and didn't really understand properly what was going on :rolleyes:

Anyway hope things get better for you :smile:

Reply 4

Joanna May

I've been through similar. My parents aren't really a couple any more, but they live together. They get on all right most of the time now, but they're sleeping in different rooms and I suppose they're not really in a relationship any more.

You get used to it. It's sad at first, but life goes on.

Reply 5

Anonymous #2

my parents have just had a MASSIVE row this evening, so i know how you feel. i was considering making a post like this earlier, so you saved me the trouble! :p:

i've cried tonight too, sometimes as kids it's all we really can do.

we're here for you though, you'll be alright. :hug:

Reply 6

Sarahl89

if its only been for two days then its quite likely just to be a minor arguement?? everyone has disagreements sometimes afterall. like you said, they still love each other.. thats the main thing and im sure everything will be okay :smile:

your mum sounds like she can stand her own ground also, when she has to :biggrin:

lol my parents havent slept in the same room for 12 years now =S. barely speak a civil word to each other & are currently in the midst of a divorce war.. while still living under the same roof! hectic!!

and of course its natural for you to feel upset *hugss* its horrible when the people we love are arguing with each other like that :frown:

just be there for your mum & your dad an im sure you know things are gonna be okay, from what youve said :] xx

Reply 7

Anonymous #1

Thanks guys :huggs:

never knew chatting to people I don't know personally could be so comfarting you guys are the best lol :smile:

.

and at Dobbs - soz mate i didn't mean to come across as 'yea there is someone worse of then me' type situation, i just meant it felt good to know that i was not the only one (i.e. alone)..........

Reply 8

guitargirl03

My parents divorced when I was 2, so that's almost 18 years ago, so I can't really remember their rows as I was too young. However, from what my friends have told me about their parents, some of their parents have had rows and have slept in different rooms. I think it's normal for some parents to row, however, it doesn't always mean that they're going to split up.

Don't feel ashamed about crying, I imagine watching your parents arguing is upsetting and traumatic. You have every right to cry if you want to :smile:

Having a good cry is quite therauputic I find :smile:

Reply 9

malaikah

My heart really goes out to you- the great thing about forums is you can rant on and on and get loads of advice, but since you don't actually know the person, you can't give em a hug! :frown:

So I guess I'll have to make do with this: *hugs you to death*

I'm also asian, and I can relate to you in a sense. My grandad is someone who is EXTREMELY stubborn, plus he gets angry very easily. When things don't go his way, he doesn't like it, and he always likes to be in control. *sigh* Ofcourse, I do love him... but cuz he lives in Dubai, I don't have to try and deal with it: my grandma does. She knows that if she argues with him, he will NOT give in. So she just have to take everything as it comes, quietly, without saying anything.

The advantage that your parents have is that they're still in love! Trust me, that's something- my grandparents had an arranged marriage ^^;; But the fact that they truly love eachother means that they respect eachother, even if your dad has a go at your mum, and she doesn't stand up for herself.

As Dobbs has said, this is something you’re going to have to be patient with, as they have to sort it out themselves. Ofcourse I don’t know you personally, and I can’t judge just from what you’ve written, but I think there’s a big chance that this will pass. Hopefully it will lead to the two of them talking things through- it isn’t right that your mum doesn’t say anything in her defence, but I can understand why she doesn’t.

Please don’t think things won’t get better, I hope they do! And in the meantime, feel free to let everything out on here- it’s good you’ve begun to do that… a friend to talk to and a ginormous tub of icecream to eat your way thru is the best therapy. So if you need anything- advice, help, whatever… feel free to PM me :smile:

Reply 10

dobbs

Anonymous

and at Dobbs - soz mate i didn't mean to come across as 'yea there is someone worse of then me' type situation, i just meant it felt good to know that i was not the only one (i.e. alone)..........