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The List.
I'm not sure whether to be totally offended by this or take it into consideration.
Basically I was with my boyfriend and his friend earlier, and he started talking about a mental list he'd made regarding things he wants me to do. There were a couple of sex things and a mention of taking up running, but his main focus was on clothes.
Now admittedly I'm not the most confident of people and tend to stick to jumpers and jeans, or skirts with tights. He's always banging on about what a great figure I have, mostly the chest area
, and was suggesting we go shopping to buy some more cleavage enhancing bras, 'smaller' tops and short skirts. Whilst that's all well and good for him I felt seriously uncomfortable, as though he was judging me (and trying to make me something I'm not) rather than just wanting to boost my confidence. But when I told him I was slightly offended at the fact he was discussing it with his friend right there he didn't see what the problem was.
Am I being completely irrational, or isn't it kinda rude to make a list in the first place? Coupled with the fact that when he said I could make a list (which I didn't because I felt it was unnecessary) he told me I wasn't allowed to include the phrase: 'I wish you would quit smoking/taking drugs.'
Basically I was with my boyfriend and his friend earlier, and he started talking about a mental list he'd made regarding things he wants me to do. There were a couple of sex things and a mention of taking up running, but his main focus was on clothes.
Now admittedly I'm not the most confident of people and tend to stick to jumpers and jeans, or skirts with tights. He's always banging on about what a great figure I have, mostly the chest area
, and was suggesting we go shopping to buy some more cleavage enhancing bras, 'smaller' tops and short skirts. Whilst that's all well and good for him I felt seriously uncomfortable, as though he was judging me (and trying to make me something I'm not) rather than just wanting to boost my confidence. But when I told him I was slightly offended at the fact he was discussing it with his friend right there he didn't see what the problem was.Am I being completely irrational, or isn't it kinda rude to make a list in the first place? Coupled with the fact that when he said I could make a list (which I didn't because I felt it was unnecessary) he told me I wasn't allowed to include the phrase: 'I wish you would quit smoking/taking drugs.'
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kyletms
with respect, your boyfriend sounds like and absolute nob head
Seconded, however with no respect added
It wasn't such a big deal as far as I'm concerned when you mentioned the first thing as maybe he was joking (if he was being serious then yeah a bit unusual and I guess if you had been seriously like "Errr no I'll wear what I like" then maybe he'd just back down and not care too much).
But the bit about saying you could make a list but then declaring what you can and can't put on it seems like a bit of a stab at you, not very nice.
Symph
I'm sensing a trend here 
And rofl at ^
And rofl at ^Be careful of our advice though. We don't fully know the situation and only you know him here so don't just take what we say as fact - yeah from what it sounds like he's a **** and should get a good kick in the *******s but as unlikely as it may be, it may have all just been a joke which he thought you'd take well but didn't. I don't know - something like that, but as I say, you know him better than we do (we don't know him!) so you should be able to figure out what's going on?
Plus, yes, smoking is bad - tell him to stop!
dobbs
Be careful of our advice though. We don't fully know the situation and only you know him here so don't just take what we say as fact - yeah from what it sounds like he's a **** and should get a good kick in the *******s but as unlikely as it may be, it may have all just been a joke which he thought you'd take well but didn't. I don't know - something like that, but as I say, you know him better than we do (we don't know him!) so you should be able to figure out what's going on?
Plus, yes, smoking is bad - tell him to stop!
Plus, yes, smoking is bad - tell him to stop!
'Remember all advice is unprofessional.'
Don't worry, I realise a bunch of people I've never met aren't going to solve my relationship issues for me, it's nice to get perspective though. I'm pretty sure it wasn't a joke, most likely he just phrased it wrongly (he is Ukranian after all)
I daren't tell him to stop! It's not really an issue for me other than if I can tolerate that then he can tolerate me wearing a jumper. Plus, do guys really want other guys leering over their girlfriend because she's wearing practically nothing? I'd rather save that for bed!
Symph
'Remember all advice is unprofessional.'
Don't worry, I realise a bunch of people I've never met aren't going to solve my relationship issues for me, it's nice to get perspective though. I'm pretty sure it wasn't a joke, most likely he just phrased it wrongly (he is Ukranian after all)
I daren't tell him to stop! It's not really an issue for me other than if I can tolerate that then he can tolerate me wearing a jumper. Plus, do guys really want other guys leering over their girlfriend because she's wearing practically nothing? I'd rather save that for bed!
Don't worry, I realise a bunch of people I've never met aren't going to solve my relationship issues for me, it's nice to get perspective though. I'm pretty sure it wasn't a joke, most likely he just phrased it wrongly (he is Ukranian after all)
I daren't tell him to stop! It's not really an issue for me other than if I can tolerate that then he can tolerate me wearing a jumper. Plus, do guys really want other guys leering over their girlfriend because she's wearing practically nothing? I'd rather save that for bed!
Well in a way it's nice to "show off" your girlfriend now and then. Depends what the guy is like - to have you walking around with things showing, guys leering, and then to walk over and kiss you in front of them all is a great thing for a guy!
And he's Ukranian? Are you Ukranian? Are you a fan of Verka the Eurovision legend? I love him
Is this the same guy that got high and left you at midnight to walk home by yourself a couple days ago? He sounds like a jerk. He is not only disrespecting you but trying to change you. Never let a guy change you. I think he was been the rude one, inconsiderate of your feelings.
Ang|ophi|e
Is this the same guy that got high and left you at midnight to walk home by yourself a couple days ago? He sounds like a jerk. He is not only disrespecting you but trying to change you. Never let a guy change you. I think he was been the rude one, inconsiderate of your feelings.
Ah.. Yes.
I don't know, for all his black marks there are gold stars. I'm not perfect myself either.
Wow he sounds like a bit of an eejit. Tell him how bad he has made you feel, just be honest with him. If he cares about you he will apologise and forget the "list"!
I don't know about any other threads, but I'm more sympathetic to this bf. Maybe he just wants other people to appreciate your beauty as much as he does . But seriously, maybe he was trying to boost your own confidence, and do so by pushing you out of your comfort zone. Though doing it in front of his friend was tactless. With the smoking/drugs thing, I can't see his point.
What an ass. Him , not you [:
if he'd said it in a nicer way, maybe it would've come out as 'you are amazing so you should show off your figure' rather than being insulting.
perhaps it is a language barrier but at the same time, he was rude.
you need to tell him you were offended by it (presuming you were!)
and if you decide to make up a list then put the smoking/drugs down too because if he can put down anything about you, then you can put down anything about him.
perhaps it is a language barrier but at the same time, he was rude.
you need to tell him you were offended by it (presuming you were!)
and if you decide to make up a list then put the smoking/drugs down too because if he can put down anything about you, then you can put down anything about him.
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