The List.

16

I'm not sure whether to be totally offended by this or take it into consideration.

Basically I was with my boyfriend and his friend earlier, and he started talking about a mental list he'd made regarding things he wants me to do. There were a couple of sex things and a mention of taking up running, but his main focus was on clothes.

Now admittedly I'm not the most confident of people and tend to stick to jumpers and jeans, or skirts with tights. He's always banging on about what a great figure I have, mostly the chest area :rolleyes:

, and was suggesting we go shopping to buy some more cleavage enhancing bras, 'smaller' tops and short skirts. Whilst that's all well and good for him I felt seriously uncomfortable, as though he was judging me (and trying to make me something I'm not) rather than just wanting to boost my confidence. But when I told him I was slightly offended at the fact he was discussing it with his friend right there he didn't see what the problem was.

Am I being completely irrational, or isn't it kinda rude to make a list in the first place? Coupled with the fact that when he said I could make a list (which I didn't because I felt it was unnecessary) he told me I wasn't allowed to include the phrase: 'I wish you would quit smoking/taking drugs.'

Reply 1

kyletms

with respect, your boyfriend sounds like and absolute nob head

Reply 2

dobbs

17

kyletms

with respect, your boyfriend sounds like and absolute nob head

Seconded, however with no respect added :rolleyes:

It wasn't such a big deal as far as I'm concerned when you mentioned the first thing as maybe he was joking (if he was being serious then yeah a bit unusual and I guess if you had been seriously like "Errr no I'll wear what I like" then maybe he'd just back down and not care too much).

But the bit about saying you could make a list but then declaring what you can and can't put on it seems like a bit of a stab at you, not very nice.

Reply 3

lemonadeX

2

Smoking and drugs are baaad anyway :p:

Reply 4

sokissme

he sounds like a dick.
sorry.
but what the hell?! how AMAZINGLY rude is he?!?! if i were you i would tell him where to put his damn list :biggrin:

Reply 5

nougat

He's an idiotttt, he's an idiotttt, he's a disrespectful and tactless idiotttt.

Reply 6

jay1234

1

tell him to go shopping for tighter boxers because his dick looks small

Reply 7

Symph

OP

16

I'm sensing a trend here :p:

And rofl at ^

Reply 8

dobbs

17

Symph

I'm sensing a trend here :p:

And rofl at ^

Be careful of our advice though. We don't fully know the situation and only you know him here so don't just take what we say as fact - yeah from what it sounds like he's a **** and should get a good kick in the *******s but as unlikely as it may be, it may have all just been a joke which he thought you'd take well but didn't. I don't know - something like that, but as I say, you know him better than we do (we don't know him!) so you should be able to figure out what's going on?

Plus, yes, smoking is bad - tell him to stop! :p:

Reply 9

Symph

OP

16

dobbs

Be careful of our advice though. We don't fully know the situation and only you know him here so don't just take what we say as fact - yeah from what it sounds like he's a **** and should get a good kick in the *******s but as unlikely as it may be, it may have all just been a joke which he thought you'd take well but didn't. I don't know - something like that, but as I say, you know him better than we do (we don't know him!) so you should be able to figure out what's going on?

Plus, yes, smoking is bad - tell him to stop! :p:

'Remember all advice is unprofessional.'
Don't worry, I realise a bunch of people I've never met aren't going to solve my relationship issues for me, it's nice to get perspective though. I'm pretty sure it wasn't a joke, most likely he just phrased it wrongly (he is Ukranian after all)

I daren't tell him to stop! It's not really an issue for me other than if I can tolerate that then he can tolerate me wearing a jumper. Plus, do guys really want other guys leering over their girlfriend because she's wearing practically nothing? I'd rather save that for bed!

Reply 10

dobbs

17

Symph

'Remember all advice is unprofessional.'
Don't worry, I realise a bunch of people I've never met aren't going to solve my relationship issues for me, it's nice to get perspective though. I'm pretty sure it wasn't a joke, most likely he just phrased it wrongly (he is Ukranian after all)

I daren't tell him to stop! It's not really an issue for me other than if I can tolerate that then he can tolerate me wearing a jumper. Plus, do guys really want other guys leering over their girlfriend because she's wearing practically nothing? I'd rather save that for bed!

Well in a way it's nice to "show off" your girlfriend now and then. Depends what the guy is like - to have you walking around with things showing, guys leering, and then to walk over and kiss you in front of them all is a great thing for a guy! :biggrin:

And he's Ukranian? Are you Ukranian? Are you a fan of Verka the Eurovision legend? I love him :biggrin:

Reply 11

Symph

OP

16

Ah, I didn't think about that bit.

And no I'm almost 100% English but I know who Verka is, legend indeed!

Reply 12

dobbs

17

Symph

And no I'm almost 100% English but I know who Verka is, legend indeed!

Good good. Now I know where we stand :biggrin:

lol

Reply 13

Ang|ophi|e

12

Is this the same guy that got high and left you at midnight to walk home by yourself a couple days ago? He sounds like a jerk. He is not only disrespecting you but trying to change you. Never let a guy change you. I think he was been the rude one, inconsiderate of your feelings.

Reply 14

Symph

OP

16

Ang|ophi|e

Is this the same guy that got high and left you at midnight to walk home by yourself a couple days ago? He sounds like a jerk. He is not only disrespecting you but trying to change you. Never let a guy change you. I think he was been the rude one, inconsiderate of your feelings.

Ah.. Yes.
I don't know, for all his black marks there are gold stars. I'm not perfect myself either.

Reply 15

randomgirl

14

Wow he sounds like a bit of an eejit. Tell him how bad he has made you feel, just be honest with him. If he cares about you he will apologise and forget the "list"!

Reply 16

*Katie*

1

I don't know about any other threads, but I'm more sympathetic to this bf. Maybe he just wants other people to appreciate your beauty as much as he does . But seriously, maybe he was trying to boost your own confidence, and do so by pushing you out of your comfort zone. Though doing it in front of his friend was tactless. With the smoking/drugs thing, I can't see his point.

Reply 17

ARobinson6174

7

What an ass. Him , not you [:

Reply 18

Symph

OP

16

I kinda see your point Katie, I think that was more his aim as well. As for the smoking thing, I don't get it either. I know he wants to quit because his rugby is suffering as a result, but I don't think he wants to be pushed into it.

Reply 19

suicidal_dream

1

if he'd said it in a nicer way, maybe it would've come out as 'you are amazing so you should show off your figure' rather than being insulting.

perhaps it is a language barrier but at the same time, he was rude.

you need to tell him you were offended by it (presuming you were!)

and if you decide to make up a list then put the smoking/drugs down too because if he can put down anything about you, then you can put down anything about him.

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