I have no friends/no one likes me

Hi,
I'm a college student living in East London.

Firstly, my problem is that I have no friends. I never had any in school but when I started college I tried making new friends but I couldn't because everybody was reluctant to make friends with me, probably because they already have 100 friends from school.

Secondly, when I try, they just ignore me. funny thing is People who are so socially awkward and cant even speak English properly, and have no common interests have more friends than me. I mean I have such great interests, I'm not boring...I watch football, I play football, I watch films and TV shows, I have played and completed most games I wear mainstream east London clothes, hell, I even talk like most east Londoners as I say things like 'bruv' or 'calm' or 'safe' quite often.

Someone explain what the problem is other than the fact that they already have friends so they don't need me. And when I mean 'friend' I mean someone who actually likes me and hangs out with me and INVITES me to places with them. Not people who you just see in college and say hi to them and that's it.

Also, how am I gonna make friends in the 2nd year, real friends

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Reply 1

Friffinghell

I think maybe you are coming across as too needy or clingy?
When you mention wearing 'mainstream east london clothes and talking like east londoners'...are you actually from east london as if not that might come across as quite weird.

Do you do any activities outside of education? Like outdoor ones? Usually football is a winner as you need the numbers to make up a team.

Reply 2

mnc61

Original post by Friffinghell

I am not weird or anything or not odd because I'm pretty much the same as everyone else. And yes I am from london, nothing different. I also don't have activities outside of college but I do like playing football. What can i do about it

Reply 3

supalape

I was the same at my secondary school, I was pretty normal and for some reason people would just leave me out from everything and treat me badly (racism, physical harm etc). All changed when I joined my new school for sixth form, I made friends on the first day and I'm now friends with pretty much my entire year. It could very well be that you're in the wrong environment or aren't surrounded by the type of people who you connect with. What you must always remember is that it's never your fault (unless you're a dick and can't see that.) I'm sure by the time you get to uni/the workplace you'll find an environment where you're surrounded by like-minded people that you'll connect with. Just keep your head up high and keep going!

Also be yourself, people are reluctant to befriend someone that is clearly trying to be something they aren't. If you relax around others and show them your true personality, I'm sure people will see this and will want to be friends with you. I often encounter people trying hard to identify with something they are simply not.

(edited 6 years ago)

Reply 4

dogears

I think it could be because you use slang terms, its a bit off putting. And maybe you're trying too hard. Talk to people in your class literally the person sitting next to you. I mean that's what everyone does from day one when starting school for the first time!

Reply 5

whatashame3

Original post by mnc61

Hey, sorry to hear about this! People can be rubbish sometimes.

Your interests seem pretty common, I also enjoy games and football, and I imagine a lot of other people do too! Why don't you join a football league or club in your area? It is a great way to meet friends and afterwards they often go out for a drink at the pub. That is if you want friends outside of your college.

If you want friends in your college, my only advice is to just put yourself in the picture. Make yourself involved in conversations. When they are talking join in, if they are arranging to go somewhere say something like "oh where are you going? that sounds great, count me in" or whatever. I know this is easier said than done, but it's a start

Reply 6

D_Bizzle

I started 6th form with hundreds of friends, would have parties every weekend and no matter what I would always have people to chill with in college,, we were basically the group to be about Manchester. Now in A2 the world is a different place. You'll soon realise that all the 'popular' kids are alcoholics ruining their lives, and all secretly hate each other. Nowadays I'm literally a loner. I have one friend, and all we do is study bc trust me, A2 is 100x harder than AS. If I were you I wouldn't sweat it about friends, get a full time job over summer to get some money in your pocket, study hard and early next year, and get yourself a spot at UNI. All friendship groups are bound to split up in a year anyway pal since everyone goes to different universities/jobs. Once you get to uni, everyone is in the same position, first year is easy since it's all recap of A2 catching everyone up to the same point. So get in, smash it at freshers, be yourself, and you'll be sorted brudda 😎 best a luck laddo

Reply 7

jtx045

Original post by mnc61

If these people are being d**ks and going out of their way to ignore/exclude you, it doesn't sound like those kind of people are the ones you want as your friends anyway.

Join a few sports clubs? When you join a team you instantly gain a dozen friends. Maybe your local football team? Or even try something new, a beginners athletics club or a swim team.

Reply 8

username1333513

could try volunteering to make some friends? just don't try to force it, friendships happen naturally imo

Reply 9

Asha_19

Don't try too hard for people. Be yourself and people will approach you themselves make social media accounts, try communicating more with people you already know and ask them to go out with you. Have you tried asking old friends to go out with you?

Reply 10

AdamBoynton

Obviously I don't know you in person, but from what you've said I'd recommend that you don't focus primarily on making friends. You mention about being from East London and that is the way you act as a result. To make genuine friends you need to be honest with yourself. You mention that you have a number of hobbies; could you try just talking casually to people in your team and let your relationships gradually develop.

Does your college have any societies or groups were you can meet new people? I had no friends going into uni and I don't like to drink or go to clubs; but I joined a society that I thought would be fun and made 2 really good friends and now housemates with.

Hope some of these peoples comments help you out. All the best

not in a rude way, but people who try to fit in and try be friends come across as begs. No one likes a beg and they usually get the piss taken out of them. like it's easy to tell when someone says words that they're not the type of people to say. If you try too hard it won't work, just be yourself tbh. Try people from other schools though, cos it could be just the people you're around.

Reply 13

username1339858_

As long as you like yourself, you're safe.

Reply 14

mnc61

Thanks for the replies.

I notice a lot of people say that I might not be acting myself because I use slang terms, but that's just my natural dialect. It's how probably anyone would speak if they're from London. I just mentioned this to show that I am not the odd one out who's posh and isn't alike, rather I actually fit in in terms of that, nor am I some sort of minority.

Also, I don't try to force anything, it's just that everytime I talk to someone, even if they literally like the same things as me and think in the same way, they're are quite reluctant to make a friendship.

I think the main reason why is because they already have friends, so they don't feel the need to call me to chill with them. That's why I hope that I can find a lonely person with no friends to make friends with, because he will be like me, he will want to make a friend because he doesn't have many already. I just can't find that person because these kinda people are quite rare to find (people like me who have really common interests but have no friends)

Reply 15

VeniViciVidi

What do you bring to the party?

Reply 16

Dexsor

When I was at school (2002-2007) - I had more friends than I knew what to do with. Constantly in groups of 20-30 people. Had around 10 really close friends. Now guess what, 10 years later, I see none of them and these people were like brothers, we were inseparable. And that happend within 6 weeks of leaving high school.

You have to think about what is important, a social life isn't important, nor are friends. Your career, education, financial situation are way more important. I actually dont care that I have no friends. Think about later down the line, your friends arnt gonna help you pay the mortgage are they? working hard at uni and getting good grades getting you an amazing job with a good salary will.

Dont worry about it, work hard and find things to enjoy by yourself

(P.s - I'm getting old and miserable at 26 so my advise probably sounds awful haha)

Reply 17

VeniViciVidi

Original post by Dexsor

I feel obliged to jump in here because this is dangerous advice. Sorry, but it isn't hard to read through the lines of this post that you are trying to justify your own situation onto the OP.

The reason being is that the key to happiness, acceptance, is balance. Advising to forego a social life for your career and education will make you socially inept. You will be out of touch of what is to be human, to socialize, because guess what? People hire people. And people often hire people they like.

Work hard - and smart - for a having a fulfilling social life and career. I can tell you, you can't have one without the other because the two things are worthless by themselves.

Reply 18

Dexsor

Original post by VeniViciVidi

I guess I put it too bluntly. I meant more, dont force it, it will come, if your happy in a job and career after university you'll be happier and you'll make friends at work etc

University in my opinion is about education, a social life aswell i guess, but education comes way ahead in my opinion