The Forgotton Boyfriend?

I don't know if this will make much sense but...

I've been going out with my girlfriend for two years now and we've just started our third year at the same uni. We've had a great relationship this far but recently I feel as though...I'm forgotten about.

In the past week she's been going out more than ever and getting very drunk at least twice a week, often not inviting me or even letting me know if she's having a good night. During the day time, I'll often text her once about lunchtime (we don't live together) just seeing how she's doing and when I could see her next (we only get a chance to see each other 3 times a week). However, often she'll forget about texting me or just send me an obligatory text in the evening that is rather blase. I know she has the chance to text (such as in the car on the way to a different part of the campus) but she just doesn't seem to want to.

Rather more worryingly, she's seems to have dropped most of her affectionate names for me, both in real life and in texts. Now, communication almost seems cold, or at best, as if she was speaking to a normal friend. Finally, there have also been issues with other guys trying it on while she has been very drunk and when I haven't been there. I've offered to speak to them (I'm not going to go and 'beat them up', because that's dumb) but she's just said she can handle it.

Written down this doesn't seem much (maybe it does?) but I don't know how to approach her. I don't want to seem clingy, or like I need attention, but I do like to stay in contact more than one text a day...Any thoughts?

Reply 1

Symph

16

This is a pretty generic response but you need to tell her how you feel. Has anything happened lately that might have affected your relationship, like a fall out? Perhaps as you're getting older you're moving in different directions and she wants to experience Uni life almost as a singleton.

To be brutally honest it sounds as though her feelings towards you have changed, especially if she is consciously going out without you and not making as much effort to keep your relationship going.

Reply 2

Megatronix

Confront her about it, or it'll just get worse and worse until what you've built fizzles out.

Find out what she wants from you if anything. See what she wants to do and stuff, tell her what you want. Just make sure you get all the facts straight, then you can make a decision together on what to do.

Reply 3

username47781

20

Yes talk to her, tell her how you feel.

Reply 4

randdom

20

You need to talk to her about how you are feeling and find out where she is at and what she is thinking/feeling. Keeping things to yourself won't help anything.

Reply 5

*Katie*

1

It sounds like something is going on. I concur with everyone else - talk to her.

Reply 6

Marianne

Right, plainly speaking, I'm that girl- the neglectful girlfriend. Me and my boyfriend have been together for 4 and a half years, living together for two and distanced at uni for two. I get bored quickly of routine, and I'm just going to share how I felt in that situation, so you get another perspective.

I would suggest that for her the spark has gone out and she might have a school girl crush on another guy- these won't be real feelings as such but more grass-is-greener yearning. I'm not saying that she's cheated as such, but if you guys aren't having fun (why aren't you going out and getting drunk with her?!) and she's having fun with other people (men) its natural that she's going to prefer their company.

The natural response is to confront her, but if I were you I'd take it the other way and rather than just discussing it to death just change the way you act so you're more fun- maybe take her out on a super special date, inject some passion into your relationship.

You sound a bit like my boyfriend, and for want of a better term, he goes through "boring" phases, where we get a little stale. Some times you need to jump start out of your routine, splash some cash, and make her feel special, not in a "clinton cards- I wuv yooooou" kind of way but in a "super horny ***** me now" kind of way.

Does that make sense? You can shower as much love on her as you like, but all she'll really want is a bit of fun.

Sorry if I'm off the mark, it's just I've been in this situation from the other side and constant talks of "are we going to stay together" and "I wuv ooo this much" sort of stuff kind of drags and just pisses me off after a while.

:smile:

Reply 7

brak3n

13

I'm surprised that with being at the same uni you only get to see her three times a week. Surely you should be able to make more time for each other than that? It sounds like you're willing to but she's not - ask her why not!

Reply 8

qubog

12

Marianne

Right, plainly speaking, I'm that girl- the neglectful girlfriend. Me and my boyfriend have been together for 4 and a half years, living together for two and distanced at uni for two. I get bored quickly of routine, and I'm just going to share how I felt in that situation, so you get another perspective.

I would suggest that for her the spark has gone out and she might have a school girl crush on another guy- these won't be real feelings as such but more grass-is-greener yearning. I'm not saying that she's cheated as such, but if you guys aren't having fun (why aren't you going out and getting drunk with her?!) and she's having fun with other people (men) its natural that she's going to prefer their company.

The natural response is to confront her, but if I were you I'd take it the other way and rather than just discussing it to death just change the way you act so you're more fun- maybe take her out on a super special date, inject some passion into your relationship.

You sound a bit like my boyfriend, and for want of a better term, he goes through "boring" phases, where we get a little stale. Some times you need to jump start out of your routine, splash some cash, and make her feel special, not in a "clinton cards- I wuv yooooou" kind of way but in a "super horny ***** me now" kind of way.

Does that make sense? You can shower as much love on her as you like, but all she'll really want is a bit of fun.

Sorry if I'm off the mark, it's just I've been in this situation from the other side and constant talks of "are we going to stay together" and "I wuv ooo this much" sort of stuff kind of drags and just pisses me off after a while.

:smile:

Could not agree with that post any more. I'm also a "neglectful" girlfriend. Going through a phase at the minute when i want to concentrate on having fun instead of spending hours on the phone not saying anything. I love my boyfriend and we have been together for four years, and I want to stay with him but now that we have been separated and hardly see each other its like when I do want to talk to him I want to do it in person and do something fun together. Not just sending random texts that don't really mean anything. When I text my boyfriend he never has anything to say anyway and barely responds - he's not big on text convos. You don't have to stay in constant contact with her for her to still be into you. She just needs a bit of space to have some craic with her uni friends atm.

As for the telling you about other guys coming onto her, sounds like shes indulging in a harmless flirt with them but feeling guilty so shes telling you whilst dressing it up to make it look as if she had no part in it. I wouldn't worry about her cheating on you, but if I were you i'd rather not know. She might also be trying to make you jealous - makes some girls feel wanted.

Reply 9

username47781

20

Unfortunatly people's feelings change, life's a bitch like that but there you go.

Reply 10

Marianne

qubog

As for the telling you about other guys coming onto her, sounds like shes indulging in a harmless flirt with them but feeling guilty so shes telling you whilst dressing it up to make it look as if she had no part in it. I wouldn't worry about her cheating on you, but if I were you i'd rather not know. She might also be trying to make you jealous - makes some girls feel wanted.