lonely in uni halls

ok....i get that this is very cliched and stuff....but uni is nothing like i thought it would be...everyone is really nice but i havent managaed to make a close group of friends that i can actually chill with....whats even worse is that it seems like everyone else in my hall has found their group there is always so much activity around at night...and i would go down and say hi to the people...but it just feels like that stage of introducing urself has passed...and its so awkward to go up to a group on ur own.....i dunno, all the people that i do meet and try to do something with...like i am making a huge effort...and i have found a one really close person but it just seems like i will never find my group of people.....i dont think i have ever felt this lonely...i was walking to my halls today and i just burst into tears...its just so ****ing depressing even thinking of being in my room....
what i wanted to know from u guys is how long it took u to find ur close group of friends...i have been here around 2 weeks and am into my third...does it take a term, a year, what was if for u guys?...anyone else in the same situation, or who was and it got better?...sorry...i just really thought that uni would be easier that this

Reply 1

SilverWings

Don't take too long finding friends or you'll end up like me.

Reply 2

Dhampir

Join the club.

Actually, there may even be one at your uni...

Reply 3

Artemidoros.

I'm slightly similar, though I do have quite a lot of friends, but generally, I prefer being on my own a lot of the time. Anyway, I really hate 'grouping' as such, sounds like primary school.

Reply 4

Hylean

sometimes it takes time. it took me a year to find anyone i could really be close to.

best thing to do is go to clubs, get a job in the students union. that way you meet new people and, especially at work, you start going out with them. in my second year i started working at ulu and started hanging out with the people there a lot.

try something like that. best advice i can offer.

Reply 5

Mr. Mortell

Just go and say hi. Seriously its better to do it now! Maybe take some kind of peace offering [cake or something]. Once you get to know a couple of people, they'll introduce you to someone and it'll snowball and you're bound to find someone! :biggrin:

But doing this now is a lot easier than doing it later down the line!

Reply 6

Anonymous #2

Dont think 4 one minute that you are alone in feeling this way - There are many people in the same boat, not that some would admit it. I am a 1st Year and like you I have been having times when I have felt lonely & so have 1 or 2 of my other flatmates. Its often not v.nice when you get home from a lecture and everyone is out - It can feel isolating. Whilst I get on well with my flatmates I have been worrying that I havent really met anyone on my course that I have clicked with yet, but 2 b honest at this stage I think alot of people often stick with mates in their own halls or flats close by. Whilst you dont feel close to your flatmates at present I would still go and make an effort with them. You've got nothing to lose and it could pay off. You dont know until you try. Keep your door open when you are in so that people know you are there and dont hesitate to perhaps knock on someones door for a chat. It can be daunting, hard working and sometimes gutting if they dont make an effort back but at least you would have tried. Even if you ask them if they fancy going out and tag along on night - I would give it a go. Try going to the kitchen when they're in there and joining in the conversation. Plus if there is maybe one person you feel you may have a bit more of a connection with (However big or small) then make a special effort with them as well, they could introduce you to others and help you get to know your flatmates better. Also try joinign some societies, they are a good networking tool! Go 4 it Dude - Uni is supposed to be fun and you're due some fun. Enjoy it! ;-)

Reply 7

WarmSound

I felt the same at the start of my first year and my friends laughed at me a few months later when I admitted that I thought they'd all become too close for me to get to know them properly. I have a lot of really close friends at home and I think it really helped me when I went home for a weekend halfway through the term because as soon as I saw them it was like I'd only seen them the day before, nothing had changed even though we'd all gone off to other unis and made loads of other friends. It's a really reassuring thought to know that your old friends are still there for you even if you don't talk as often.

It's not such a healthy thing to do or suggest but I just got drunk a lot at first and it helped me to stop putting so much pressure on myself and it was easier to talk to people. Everyone else will start to show their insecurities sooner or later and even if theirs are different to yours you'll see that you're not the only one - only the most confident and carefree people are totally alright with the situation.

Reply 8

Sycren

just go and talk to ppl. Im very shy as well and if you dont make friends you will become very home sick.

Which uni are you going to?

Reply 9

Anonymous #3

im in the same position as the OP. Im a first year, in my second week of lectures, but havent made that many friends :frown:

It's not like i havent made any effort: i went to most of the nights out during freshers week and met quite a few people but most of them who i met live off campus so i wont see them that much. I think it also doesnt help that the accomodation i live in (its the en-suite more expensive accomodation) requires swipe cards to get into so its kinda not as socially friendly. Also on the floor i live on only 2 of us arent international students, and not meaning to be rude about international students but i hardly see them or when i do they're all speaking in french to each other so i cant exactly join in! lol

Reply 10

Anonymous #4

I posted almost this exact same thing yesterday - massive long post about feeling lonely in my first year. Didn't quite get the replies that I'd hoped for, but at least it got it off my chest. :rolleyes:

There are loads of people in this situation - I think the only way to get over it is to make a huge effort with lots of people. I've just more or less invited myself to go shopping with some people this afternoon, I think it's the only way forward now.

Reply 11

Anonymous #1

hey, i would just like to thank everyone for taking the time to respond, its really encouraging....i have been doing everything i am supposed to, i go to the nights out, societies etc...and i am not an unsociable person at all....but oh well....hopefully things will work out...

Reply 12

TheBrightShadow

i agree with the post about the snowball effect...i didn't have that much friends to beging with for like a term to be precise....but i met like a couple and my friends snowballed so much (not to over 50 anything) but enough to have a few more decent friends

Reply 13

Toy Soldier

Hmmm some of my closest friends (even after 2 years) I met on my very first day in halls. Some of my now good friends I didn't really get talking to until 6 months / a year later. And of course, some of the "group" I hung about with at first in halls, I barely talk to at all any more. I think you'll find that for the first few months all of these groups are fairly superficial, no one really knows yet who is and isn't going to be a good friend in the long term. So it shouldn't be TOO hard to get talking to, and be accepted by people.

Reply 14

Toy Soldier

Anonymous

I think it also doesnt help that the accomodation i live in (its the en-suite more expensive accomodation) requires swipe cards to get into so its kinda not as socially friendly.

Ahh, yeah, ours was the same (though with just a normal key, not a swipe card). 10 people per "flat" (which was 10 en-suite rooms and a kitchen) and a big heavy door that locked when it closed. We solved this by propping all the heavy (fire safety) doors open with fire extinguishers. Can't beat a bit of irony :biggrin:

. The people in charge of the halls would get pissed off about it and periodically sent out "Stop propping open the doors! You could BURN TO DEATH IN A FIREZ!" letters to all of us... but hey, rules shmules. I'd have rather burned to death in a fire than lived in unsociable halls.

Reply 15

Sephirona

Aren't there any clubs or assosiations in your uni? You should actually try to socialize by doing activities which makes you stand out to the groups of people.

Reply 16

Jolae

Artemidoros

I'm slightly similar, though I do have quite a lot of friends, but generally, I prefer being on my own a lot of the time. Anyway, I really hate 'grouping' as such, sounds like primary school.

Made all mine over the last year, but mainly from the socials and sports societies. It really helps just walking up to random people and saying, 'do you want a game of badminton?' then going from there lol.

Reply 17

Isambard Kingdom Brunel

I am also quite lonely I guess. I find myself coming home at every opportunity. There is simply no point in staying in Halls. I only need to be in uni 2 days a week, so the other 5 days I can relax at home with my friends, real or imaginary.

I don't dislike anyone at uni, but I am not the same as other people, and I cannot mix in the way I am expected.

I haven't seen the people on my flat for weeks, and tbh I do not plan to ever speak to them for the next 8 months, either. I just avoid them now. :s-smilie:

Reply 18

emma t

aww really feel for you-started uni about 3weeks ago and yes at times i feel lonely. Trust me you are not the only one but the longer you leave things the worse it get-just make yourself apart of peoples convos and activites its the only way even if you feel pushy or annoying you have to do it. I have often said sorry whats that your sayin? can come? im up for that! etc and sometimes i felt im so fed up of tryin and i jst go and sit in peoples rooms whether they ask me 2 or not lol i think it works eventually! i feel closest to the people i pestered. ill be honest im not sure ive clicked with anyone yet but that can never be guaranteed at uni-u look around alot of peoples friendships are so fake and superficial anyway