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Need some advice

Hello,

I’ve got a serious problem with me and my girlfriend. We've been going for going out for 2 and half years, she’s still at school doing her a-levels whilst I have left to seek my ambition. My ambition being to join the military, the problem to heart is every time something military related is shown on the tv, internet or something in the newspaper she seriously slag’s it off, I don’t know why she does this all the time maybe because of her political views believing in communism and left winged views, which i have no problem with but now it’s starting to really interfere with our relationship.

We always argue over it and I’ve told her to stop but she doesn’t really understand why i want to join the military, I don’t slag off her ambition to be a doctor or whatever but it’s really irritating me, it seems like she’s got no interest in what I want to do with my life and it’s all about her. What should I do? This is really causing me grief

Thanks for any down to earth replies


Thanks for any down to earth replies

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Reply 1
I reckon you're just two very different people OP. Don't be surprised if things between you don't work out :frown: you'd be better off with someone who respects your ambitions even if they don't agree with the ideology behind them anyway
Reply 2
No offence, but if you actually join then there isn't that good a chance of this relationship lasting. She wants to go save lives, and doesn't want anything to do with killing people.


'I don’t slag off her ambition to be a doctor or whatever'


why the 'whatever' bit? You implying that you dont even know of her true ambitions in life? :confused: That would be very ironic... by the sounds of things she has heard it many times from you lol.
Reply 3
It’s strange though because i don’t want to join to kill people or because i believe the war in Iraq or Afghanistan is right, I have no opinion. I only want to join because its the kind of things im interested in, like running about all day then camping and even making friends for life, that kind of stuff really appeals to me, i don’t understand why she doesn’t understand :frown:

Thanks for your reply i respect your honesty
I think it's more likely that she's scared about when you join up. My boyfriend's in the Army and it's hard to be the girlfriend left at home but I've always tried my best to be as understanding and supportive as I can, because he is with what I am doing and plan to do, even though he would never have chosen the same path, and therefore cannot empathise with me when I moan about essays etc!
I know it's difficult for you, but the best thing you can do is ask her why she has such a problem. She needs to be honest with you, coz I expect it's something along the lines of what I have suggested.
As for what you can do to make things easier, if you can, is explain to her why you want to join the military so much, and make sure she knows that you want to stay with her. You must realise how difficult it is to be the one left behind, but it won't work unless you are both understanding and supportive of one another.
On the other hand - you WILL have people tell you it won't last for other reasons - too dissimilar, want different things out of life blah blah.... Don't let it get to you; if you want it to work it can. It's hard, but so worth it.

Good luck :smile:
Reply 5
Jolae
No offence, but if you actually join then there isn't that good a chance of this relationship lasting. She wants to go save lives, and doesn't want anything to do with killing people.


'I don’t slag off her ambition to be a doctor or whatever'


why the 'whatever' bit? You implying that you dont even know of her true ambitions in life? :confused: That would be very ironic... by the sounds of things she has heard it many times from you lol.


She’s at school doing her a-levels she doesn’t know what she wants to be yet, she said she wanted to be a doctor yesterday and now a historian today so I say whatever, no offence intended.
Soldiers aren't soldiers because they want to kill people. What an ignorant point of view.
Reply 7
perhaps she is slagging it off because she doesn't want you to go off to some foreign country and die. perhaps she wants you to stay with her?

so she mocks it in an effort to make you change your mind and seek something with a better life expectancy.

it's a twisted way of showing you she cares, it's also a very common way of doing it.
if she;s left wing

leave her

no-one in their right mind is left wing!


but on a more helpfull note... she probably is trying to make you think again and not join up... as the military can serioulsy damage your health.. and it would mean you probs wudn;t see her as much etc...

anyways the military sucks far far too many regulations, and they treat you like crap
Reply 9
I feel like leaving her, as said why should i be with someone who doesnt care about my interests?
have you tried sitting down and talking to her

explain in depth why you want to join

and if she still doesn;t accept it...

then yeah i would leave her
Reply 11
Talking to her online on msn. Doesnt seem to care what im saying everything is justified by what her political views tell her on the news or books. how can i win?
Reply 12
Adam2k7
She’s at school doing her a-levels she doesn’t know what she wants to be yet, she said she wanted to be a doctor yesterday and now a historian today so I say whatever, no offence intended.


assuming she has picked a diverse set of A-levels there? :redface: Because most people should know that to become a doctor you need a very precise set of A-levels.... all of which lead on to a similar area of further education, no offence intended. Your going to need at least two sciences (maybe all 3!), so there go two/three options already :rolleyes:



and RE: the view to kill, true but that is what the job involves. Ergo you can join up for any number of reasons and still be pointing a gun at someone with the intention of killing them. He is joining and he is going to kill (directly or indirectly). Simple as. If you read my post correctly NOBODYREALLY you will see that i never made any assumption as to the reasons why he is joining.


But yea she could also be concerned for you. I can just see a link between his aspirations, and her views on the army as a whole.
Reply 13
To be precise im joining the navy, not that it matters in the whole. Im begining to paint a picture you have to be a certain mind type and we're not the same types and thus we'll end.
Reply 14
Anonymous
Hello,

I’ve got a serious problem with me and my girlfriend. We've been going for going out for 2 and half years, she’s still at school doing her a-levels whilst I have left to seek my ambition. My ambition being to join the military, the problem to heart is every time something military related is shown on the tv, internet or something in the newspaper she seriously slag’s it off, I don’t know why she does this all the time maybe because of her political views believing in communism and left winged views, which i have no problem with but now it’s starting to really interfere with our relationship.

We always argue over it and I’ve told her to stop but she doesn’t really understand why i want to join the military, I don’t slag off her ambition to be a doctor or whatever but it’s really irritating me, it seems like she’s got no interest in what I want to do with my life and it’s all about her. What should I do? This is really causing me grief

Thanks for any down to earth replies


Thanks for any down to earth replies


OK - so you left school/college/whatever to persue your ambitions so do so, get yourself down the AFCO and start applying. Your relationship may or may not work out, but it will become clear once the ball is moving on your career.
Reply 15
Maybe OP's girlfriend is scared of him getting into trouble?
Reply 16
Already applied many months ago, months to leaving home. Though the thought of your counterpart not to agree with your actions does grind on your morale.
It just seems she just doesn't want you to go, if that's the case then if you join the army then unfortunatly the chances are things will not work out.
Reply 18
Anonymous
Talking to her online on msn. Doesnt seem to care what im saying everything is justified by what her political views tell her on the news or books. how can i win?

If she really disagrees with militarism in whatever form, then no matter how much you tell her it's about travelling round the world with your mates, you can never "win." I think you need to have one last, face-to-face discussion about this, trying to stay calm and hear each other out. If you still can't see eye to eye, or at least agree to respect each others' beliefs then no, I don't see a future for you.

I wouldn't be happy with any boyfriend of mine joining the military - I wouldn't like having him away for long periods of time, especially with the reputation they have for sleeping around. I wouldn't like the fact they're involved in wars I don't agree with (even if they're only "following orders") and that they have to kill people, regardless of whether they want to or not. Political ideals aside, they're fairly strong reasons, I feel.
Reply 19
Look anon, I start IOT (RAF) in November, I cancelled my wedding because I couldn't see how we would make the relationship work, although my circumstances were vastly different to yours. If you need someone to talk it out with, I'll listen, but at the end of the day these big life decisions are yours to make.

Oh and just to clarify to everyone else:
-the military is more then just the army
-not everyone in the military is a solider
-it's not all about killing people; although yes we are trained to do so other skills do come into play - a quote feels appropriate here "We sleep soundly in our beds because rough men stand ready in the night to visit violence on those who would do us harm." - the men and women of the military are doing an amazing job, the general public are completely unaware of most of it, but trust me if they suddenly vanished you would know about it
-not every person in the military feels the need to jump into bed with people other then their partner, I know plenty of military people in commited, loving FAITHFUL relationships, there are unfaithful relationships in the military, same as any walk of life; unlike in civillian life the military have reprocussions for such actions
-it does take a special person to be a military 'wife' (or 'husband')