Am I Depressed?

Let me preface this by saying that I think I know the answer to this question before asking it.

Recently, I just can't get motivated about anything. I feel so alone all the time. I feel like all I need is for someone to encourage me and tell me that I'm doing fine, or that they're sorry for what I'm going through, but when I look at it from an outside perspective, I live a comfortable, seemingly happy life. I'm usually really excited about what I study in school, but everything just seems to tedious to me now. It doesn't help that I'm in IB, and my grades really matter for my future.

In idle moments, I've found myself envisioning some sort of scenario where I'm hurt (the last one, I was stabbed), and I go through the list of people that I know, wondering if they'd come visit me in the hospital. How crazy is that?! I imagine scenarios where I tell people that I need to go into a mental hospital, and I wonder who would genuinely care, and who would stop talking to me forever. I feel like these thoughts are making their way to suicidal, and it scares me.

Aside from the way I feel, I'm performing well in school, living my life, and I don't think it's apparent to anyone else that something is wrong. But I can't help but feel that people would get offended if I told them that I'm not actually ok. I'm so scared to tell anyone something's wrong, because I'd have to report on my applications that I'd received mental care, and it'd make everything so much difficult.

At the same time, I smoke pot on a recreational basis (maybe once every two weeks), but I find myself wanting to try things that are a little more out there, like shrooms or salvia.

Reply 1

Anonymous #1

So what I'm wondering is if I'm showing symptoms of depression (which I believe I am). How do I tell people something is wrong without them hating me? How can I deal with this in some sort of healthy way when everything I would use in the past doesn't seem to be working?

- The same anonymous

Reply 2

Rutter knows best!

things have got bad when it is me having to say this. go see a gp

Reply 3

blue bubbles

Anonymous

I get you, Jeez the IB does take alot from you huh. I do it too and with the IB and 7 additional studies its hard to find time. You know the being stabbed thing... one of my freinds died a month ago and I wondered if I had died would people had have cried for me... :confused:

Thinking back on that jeez I feel stuid.

I sugggest umm about 4 things :redface:

1- dont smoke pot or whatever the other stuff is. Doing that sorta **** really wont help long term.

2- do little things that you enjoy, walks? music? dancing? watching something that makes you laugh? philosophy? (this links into the 3rd bit)

3- Find a freind to confide into, I was lucky that I had such a wonderful understanding freinds who would listen to me no matter what time or day.. :redface:

But no would or should hate you for feeling the way you are now. (perhaps by inviting your freind to do one of these things that you do you can then open up to him or her)

4- Take small steps. Its good that you see this in yourself and youd preer to try to do something. I hope it works out :rolleyes:

Reply 4

Sarahl89

hmm you know that smoking pot can cause side effects such as paranoia in some people... maybe you should stop smoking that for a start. and noo dont go onto anything else pleasee. ive seen what they can do to the nicest of people who only tried them for abit of fun thinking of the hallucination / expereinces etc... but really, it can go horribly the other way, so dont go there :frown:

.

nobodys gonna get offeded for you telling them! can you tell a parent about it? or failing that go to your GP & tell them how youre feeling xx

Reply 5

The Nightingale

I think you are showing definite signs of depression; obviously I'm in no position whatsoever to comment, but from human to human, I definitely think there is an issue here…

Depression, on whatever level, is such an awkward thing to deal with. I personally can relate to much of what you’re saying (not the drugs bit), but the issues with lack of motivation and general feelings of unhappiness.

How are you with your family? If you are relatively close I'd seriously think about confiding in one of them. It's awkward, emotional, and sometimes even embarrassing to share something this personal with someone; but all the same, a problem shared is a problem halved… as the famous saying goes! It sounds corny, but it’s absolutely true; it’s really difficult to appreciate just how much you need others when you’re in a situation like this.

As you said, you often feel that if someone simply told you everything’s okay, then it would be! That more than anything is one of the fascinating yet bizarre aspects of depression. You’re trapped in such a secluded, insular bubble, as depression is such a personal thing, and yet, at the very same time, you want to shout your problems from the rooftops.

That’s my experience, anyway.

As for how to go about dealing with it…

Well that’s a tough one!

I reckon you shouldn’t go straight down the physiologist/ Medical route. As good as these people are, and as much as they want to help you, they’re often blinded by their own knowledge (hope that doesn’t offend anyone). Ultimately, you need a human connection, and someone who really understands the situation, and that can often be lost with some Medical professionals. A good councillor may be more helpful, or even a group/organisation, someone you can talk to on the phone, anything!

If you don’t do anything the depression will only perpetuate. Don’t just strive on thinking everything will be all right as long as you keep going; it’s not true.

Often it’s a real struggle to get your life (and indeed your problems) in perspective, but there’s always a way, no matter what you feel like.

As for the drugs… try and sort it out, going on to try other things is not the best idea. I suspect this is all part and parcel of the difficulties you’re having in your life. As you’ll well know, many of the feelings you’re experiencing can be triggered by Cannabis, so this may need to be dealt with before you can get to the crux of your real problems!

Hugs! :hugs:

(Hope things get better for you)!

Reply 6

bipolar_clown

As everyone has said, quit the pot. It might help now but you'll regret it later as it has been linked to mental health problems and paranoia.

Go to your GP. They might suggest some counselling or something to talk through any issues or things that upset you. I can't say I agree with counselling personally but some people find it beneficial.

Reply 7

Anonymous #2

Most doctors will offer free counselling. It helped me a little and i'd recommend seeking it out. More people then you think go through counselling, honestly. Its doesn't mean you have a mental illness either and it'll help some people, and it certainly won't show up on any applications!

The only way that i'm really happy myself is when i'm with people i'm comfortable with - its about the only way anyone is happy despite what people will tell you. The last 2 years have been pretty dreary since moving home and i'm bad at settling in (which I bring on myself obviously). Exercise also helps, something to do with its influence over levels of some hormone or other (serotonin?). I've been training a lot for a climb i've got coming up and find i'm usually in a much better mood each day.

At the same time, its best not to feel to sorry for yourself (not that i'm saying you are). It can become a bit self-indulgent. In my case, i've seen a lot worse among my close family so i'm wary about labelling myself depressed.