guilt trip of the century - feeling awful

Oh god, i need advice, long story... Basically, I am a disabled uni student and employ people to assist me, one is a friend, whom perhaps isnt on my wavelength all the time, and tbh his services arent top notch, but normally we get by fine. Apart from various things like inability to cook pasta, and always late..... I believe i posted the story last week when he said he was ill and kept saying he'll be around in 5 mins...... Turned out 3 hrs, i was starving!

Anyway, yesterday I say, 'my other worker cant make tomorrow, can u' he says 'yeh sure, ill text you a time tonight'.... He doesnt, so i text him this morning saying 'when you coming, really need support tonight?' he replies something like 'can't, mates out of hospital'. I was in a bad mood already, and foolishly replied 'u cant let your boss down like this with such short notice' - presuming he had been out for a while and just had a broken ankle or something.... Then he tells me about his mate having no family and never able to walk again!

I feel awful, what do i say now??

Reply 1

Unregistered

Don't feel guilty, i'd not be surprised if he was making it up.

Anyway, i'd say that I was sorry to heard about his friend but that he should have let you know as now you're stuck and in need of help. He's not been very reliable and you're going to be forced to look for another carer soon because it's putting you under unnecessary stress.

Reply 2

Renal

"Awww. Diddums."

Works quite well generally.

Failing that, tell his boss (or your contact), let them deal with it.

Reply 3

Eccentric Man

Renal

Failing that, tell his boss (or your contact), let them deal with it.

No, that's the thing, I AM his boss!

Reply 4

Renal

Your **** then - glad to see you're enjoying management.

You directly employ him? That's a bit odd.

Reply 5

Bismarck

Considering your condition, I think there's a 90% chance he's lying, because he knows that someone else's disability is the only thing that would keep you from firing him. It just seems far too convenient. Ask him a lot of questions about that friend. Maybe offer to call him to share your own experiences.

Reply 6

Eccentric Man

Renal

Your **** then - glad to see you're enjoying management.

You directly employ him? That's a bit odd.

Yeah, it's all the rage now, it's called Direct Payments. It's like communism, in that it's a good idea that never works! Situations like this prove so

Reply 7

Isis07

Can you not tell a small white lie telling him the system has changed and get a new, more reliable, worker (or whatever the correct term is)

Reply 8

Trigger

Id say he was lying. Fire him. If ti was that important then he would have at least mentioned his mate to you.

Reply 9

Donald Duck

I wouldn't fire him untill you know for certain, but I'd bring the issue of him working for you destorying our friendship, etc. Then get someone else.

Reply 10

alexjc

I wouldn't employ your friends as carers :s-smilie:

that just seems obvious :O

Reply 11

</gibberish>

Also... I mean... I'd have used my initiative and maybe called for a pizza or something?
Im sure there are ways you could have helped yourself.

Reply 12

Drongo

If his mate really wasn't going to walk again his release from hospital will not have been arranged that suddenly what with rehab, home adaptations etc. If your carer only just found out then this guy wasn't such a close mate of his. Either way he could and should have let you know. It's not for you to feel guilty.
I think you should change carers tbh.

Reply 13

yellow96

It doesn't matter what happened to his friend, regardless of whether he was lying or not. If he'd just been told he'd never work again then fair enough, but his friend's life has no bearing on his job at all. I say fire him.

Reply 14

PinkMobilePhone

Chat Forum Helper, Life & Style Forum Helper

If you are feeling as though firing him would be too insensitive on the offchance that he was telling the truth about his mate (which I doubt but you never know I suppose), why not just tell him it's his last chance.

Remind him of how he came 3 hours late when you were starving
Tell him also that although you realise he was visiting his disabled lonely friend, he really ought to have given you more notice so that you could have arranged for somebody else to help you.

Tell him that despite all that you're willing to give him another go, but he from now on needs to turn up on time, or failing that, give you PLENTY of notice if he is going to be absent from work.

Then if he lets you down again, which chances are he probably will given his track record, just fire him. Really, he sounds like a terrible worker.