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Relationship without fancying

Basically the problem is that I really, really like this guy i've met at uni and hang around with quite a lot as we are part of the same group of friends. We get on extremely well, have same interests etc.. He is also the nicest person ever.

Recently he's made it quite clear he fancies me/wants a relationship. However, I'm really not sure that I have sexual attraction to him. I mean.. I don't get butterflies in my stomach/nervous etc.

Does this attraction ever develop at a later stage? And is it ever viable to enter into a relationship without initial feelings of physical attraction?

Any other advice would also be useful :confused:

.

Thanks.

Reply 1

randomgirl

14

Yes it happens. Yes it is possible. Will it work for you? Maybe.

I mean, you are obviously attracted to his personality, which is a good starting point. If you do like him what is the harm in going on a few dates? See how things go..? Your feelings could develop. Plus, there must be something you find attractive about him physically (his eyes/hair/nose/build/arms/dress sense/feet- anything!)

:smile:

Reply 2

Segat1

16

TBH if the idea of him fancying you didn't send you into howls of hysteria or vomting then it sounds it could be a goer. But you should consider that you migh tnot be friends afterwards if the relationship didn't work out. Could you deal with that?

Reply 3

she

16

could you imagine having his babies? not that it would be that serious, but I tend to find that is a good indication

Reply 4

redef1ne

Just think...if you did anything physical with this guy would you find it awkward? If the answer's yes, then you really shouldn't get yourself into a relationship with him. Don't feel pressured into a relationship just because he likes you and you think that by rejecting him you'd spoil your friendship.

Go for it

If you only like him as a friend then do not get into a relationship.

Reply 7

internet dating superstud

Relationships with no attraction suck balls.

I say don't go for it. At all. If you don't 'click' on meeting, there's very slim to no chance that you're going to in the future.

Reply 8

yellow96

15

You like him as a friend. It's a shame you don't fancy him, but you don't. When you do, feel free to get into a relationship with him, but don't get into one without sexual attraction. You'll only end up breaking up, ruining the friendship and, if experience is any judge, probably end up fancying him eventually.

Reply 9

louisedotcom

13

I personally dont think you can have a good relationship without finding the other person sexually attractive- sure looks arnt everything, but it helps. I could never imagine being with someone who I didnt think was attractive.
You'd be missing out on alot I think.

Reply 10

Poica

14

Don't do it! I've been in one of those relationships, and it sucked. I can't stand him now, because it feels like he pressured me into a relationship I had no interest in, and when I dumped him it made the atmosphere in our group of friends strained for a while.

Reply 11

Notepadmed

Segat1

TBH if the idea of him fancying you didn't send you into howls of hysteria or vomting then it sounds it could be a goer. But you should consider that you migh tnot be friends afterwards if the relationship didn't work out. Could you deal with that?

SAME ^ the howls of hysteria and possy vomting cause for and sound for concern tho!

Reply 12

silverbolt

19

redef1ne

Just think...if you did anything physical with this guy would you find it awkward? If the answer's yes, then you really shouldn't get yourself into a relationship with him. Don't feel pressured into a relationship just because he likes you and you think that by rejecting him you'd spoil your friendship.

good advice.

Having a relationship with someone your notattracted to i dont think will work how are you supposed to be aroused by somebody who doesnt do it for you?

Its all very well saying looks arent everything but they do still play a part. How can you have sex with someone your dont find attractive?

Reply 13

I_am_the_mob

1

It could work but I suppose if you started fancying someone else who DID give you "butterflies" then it wouldn't be a tough choice aboot who to pick...

Reply 14

zzzzzoe

11

i think you have to find someone attractive really, otherwise, what separates it from just a friendship? i think you have to be sure really of whether you like him or not
:smile:

Reply 15

Ilora-Danon

3

I personally, would never enter into a relationship with a person whom I did not fancy the pants off. I'm the sort of person who doesn't 'settle for second best' and I'm more content being single than being in a lukewarm, half hearted 'relationship' for the sake of it.

You're the only person who knows what's right for you. But, consider whether or not this friendship will survive if you go down the 'luke warm relationship' route, and it doesn't work out. Is he boyfriend material or just best friend material?

Reply 16

brak3n

13

I didn't feel physically attracted to my boyfriend until a day or two before we finally started going out. I knew he was an amazing person, but I was insistent I was only interested in him as a friend even after spending many hours alone in each other company. Nothing markable happened to cause my change in feelings, and they didn't suddenly blossom into desperate longing. It just started as imagining ways to take him by surprise by kissing him, and enjoying having him as the last thing on my mind as I fell asleep having been talking to him on MSN. I didn't think of any other friends in that way, which helped make me realise I did want to be in a relationship with him. Even if you're not sexually attracted to him now, I wouldn't bet on it staying that way.

Now though, I can definitely say I fancy the pants off him, literally. :p:

Reply 17

Freud

14

I've been there. I did fall in love but a year and a half I very quickly fell out of love again. Give it a try, why not.

Relationship without fancying

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