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Original post by haseeb_jarral786
Enjoy reading :smile:


Wow, this is really good!! I aspire to reach your level one day :colone:
How many marks did you get for this?
Original post by haseeb_jarral786
Enjoy reading :smile:


That was amazing damn. I only have one thing that you could change at the beginning you used torrential to describe the rain twice. I don't think you should repeat words. According to my school teacher you lose marks but that's what she said. It;s not a big deal though
Rate my story haseeb has already rated it on a different post but I want some other opinions as well.
Reply 5
Original post by Sum Ting
Wow, this is really good!! I aspire to reach your level one day :colone:
How many marks did you get for this?


Thank you :smile:
It's just something I whipped up when I was practising. No planning or anything tbh. Whatever came up in my mind is what I wrote... I think I may consider getting it marked though. I'll keep you updated.
Reply 6
Original post by Balkaran
That was amazing damn. I only have one thing that you could change at the beginning you used torrential to describe the rain twice. I don't think you should repeat words. According to my school teacher you lose marks but that's what she said. It;s not a big deal though


Oops, didn't realise when I was checking through it. It is something that may lose you a mark I think so I have to be careful next time.
Hi there! I love your creative writing, it's really good c:
Do you mind if I drop something I wrote here?
Reply 8
Original post by rebecca.jb
Hi there! I love your creative writing, it's really good c:
Do you mind if I drop something I wrote here?


Sure, feel free.
I can help look over it if you want... :smile:
Found this quite humorous! Best of luck with your exams :biggrin:
Original post by haseeb_jarral786
Sure, feel free.
I can help look over it if you want... :smile:


Thank you c: I wrote it a while ago and it's a bit short but (it was an exercise in class not an exam) but it should be okay.

Cold, salty tears trailed slowly down my face - red raw - leaving thin pale streaks. Sunset lapsed, abandoning a dim yellow radiance. It didn't illuminate much but seemed to highlight the ice and snow. A glacial frost. Unforgiving.
Far out on the inexhaustible horizon of the sea my bloodshot eyes could just about pinpoint a flailing shape. Condemned to death, consumed by hysteria, they squirmed in the grasp of the merciless ocean.
It wasn't my fault, it was theirs. People who do not feel emotion are no longer people and do not deserve to live. Terrified, desperate screeches crawled through the frozen air to where I was standing. Who cared, really? I blinked, dismissing any remaining guilt. Not my fault. Not my mistakes.
Why I cried, I don't know. Why I am still crying confuses me even more.
"Gemma!" Another pitiful squeal sounded. "Gemma come on, help me! Help me Gemma!". A careless grunt sounded as I sniffed upwards. The cold was bitter. Tighter my grasp became on the shimmering green gemstone. An emerald; his favourite. Selling it would bring in a great sum; although, I suspected, no amount of money could be worth the joy I would feel when I flung it off the pier, to it's watery grave, along with him. Without a second thought over it went.
"Wha-" a splutter as his head was covered by a probing arm of water. "What are you doing?! Gemma! Gemma help me! Please Gemma!". Oh it's all about me, Gemma, me! I'm not sure he cared anymore about the jewel. Just his life. As usual.
It's weird because the first time he did it I forgave him, I did. And he swore to me he'd never do it again, he promised. And then the second time he neglected to tell me and the third I just plain ignored. They were all very beautiful women but what did that make me? A murderer.
The fourth time it made me a murderer.
Reply 11
Original post by rebecca.jb
Thank you c: I wrote it a while ago and it's a bit short but (it was an exercise in class not an exam) but it should be okay.

Cold, salty tears trailed slowly down my face - red raw - leaving thin pale streaks. Sunset lapsed, abandoning a dim yellow radiance. It didn't illuminate much but seemed to highlight the ice and snow. A glacial frost. Unforgiving.
Far out on the inexhaustible horizon of the sea my bloodshot eyes could just about pinpoint a flailing shape. Condemned to death, consumed by hysteria, they squirmed in the grasp of the merciless ocean.
It wasn't my fault, it was theirs. People who do not feel emotion are no longer people and do not deserve to live. Terrified, desperate screeches crawled through the frozen air to where I was standing. Who cared, really? I blinked, dismissing any remaining guilt. Not my fault. Not my mistakes.
Why I cried, I don't know. Why I am still crying confuses me even more.
"Gemma!" Another pitiful squeal sounded. "Gemma come on, help me! Help me Gemma!". A careless grunt sounded as I sniffed upwards. The cold was bitter. Tighter my grasp became on the shimmering green gemstone. An emerald; his favourite. Selling it would bring in a great sum; although, I suspected, no amount of money could be worth the joy I would feel when I flung it off the pier, to it's watery grave, along with him. Without a second thought over it went.
"Wha-" a splutter as his head was covered by a probing arm of water. "What are you doing?! Gemma! Gemma help me! Please Gemma!". Oh it's all about me, Gemma, me! I'm not sure he cared anymore about the jewel. Just his life. As usual.
It's weird because the first time he did it I forgave him, I did. And he swore to me he'd never do it again, he promised. And then the second time he neglected to tell me and the third I just plain ignored. They were all very beautiful women but what did that make me? A murderer.
The fourth time it made me a murderer.


Whoa - that was so good. It was really intriguing :smile:
I like the rhetorical questions (many people use it in a cliche way which makes it seems dull, but you nailed it.)
The structure was really good, especially with the sentence lengths and the punctuation used.
There's not much I can say apart from maybe losing the semi-colon from the phrase:

Tighter my grasp became on the shimmering green gemstone. An emerald; his favourite.
Reply 12
Original post by dxvid
Found this quite humorous! Best of luck with your exams :biggrin:


Why so @dxvid?
Original post by haseeb_jarral786
Why so @dxvid?


Found it rather relatable
Reply 14
Original post by dxvid
Found it rather relatable


This thread or the creative writing piece?
Original post by haseeb_jarral786
This thread or the creative writing piece?


The piece, it was excellent!
Reply 16
Original post by dxvid
The piece, it was excellent!


Thank you!
Original post by haseeb_jarral786
Enjoy reading :smile:


I loved the creative writing, any ideas how many marks would you score out off /40? and roughly ehat grade 7/8/9
Reply 18
I didn't get it marked. It was just something to do as an excuse for revision...
Sorry πŸ™‚

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Reply 19
Sorry for leaving this late ...