The Student Room Group

What to do when he doesnt love me as much as I love him?

I dont know how many people have been in this position but I thought Id ask for advice anyway. I've been with my boyfriend for 5 months and I am absolutely besotted with him. The problem is, I think I love him way more than he loves me (if he even loves me at all).

We've been though a bad patch recently and have worked it all out. At the moment things seem ok. I've never liked anyone this much before and I keep finding myself wanting to say "I love you" but I stop myself because I know he wont say it back. I said it to him once a while ago when I was drunk and he said "i dont love you but I probably will in time. Im not going to lie to you and say I do"...which was a bit crap tbh. Im worried that if I say it when Im sober then he'll say the same thing and it'll be really bad.

He knows I like him more than he likes me because hes said it. I just want to tell him I love him so badly but it gets me down knowing I cant and I'll end up looking stupid :frown:
lily_w
"i dont love you but I probably will in time. Im not going to lie to you and say I do"...which was a bit crap tbh


so basically youd rather he lied to you which in the long run would only have hurt you wrose.

You cant force him to love you OP, if he doesnt he doesnt theres not an awful lot you can do about it im afraid. Sorry if its a little blunt but its the truth.

Just enjoy your time with him.

telling him you love him may backfire tremendously as youve guessed. now whilst its always nice to be told that, some people mostly men will run a mile at hearing those three little words. The only thing that will make men run faster that "i love you" is "im pregnant"
dont worry i had this problem!! took him ages to say it (like 8 months) but when he did he really meant it, and were still together 2 years on :smile:. just hang in there, it takes people a different amount of time. its not to say he doesnt care about you.
lily_w
I said it to him once a while ago when I was drunk and he said "i dont love you but I probably will in time. Im not going to lie to you and say I do"...which was a bit crap tbh. Im worried that if I say it when Im sober then he'll say the same thing and it'll be really bad.


How will it be any different?
I'm in the same position at the moment though i've been with my boyfriend for almost two years now. He has stopped telling me he loves me and i have to say it or ask if i wanna hear it. The sex has almost stopped completely and i just keep thing what can i do to make him love me because i'm not feeling that he does anymore.
I don't think you can make someone love you. If they do they do. If they don't, see how it goes then break up.
I totally understand how your feeling OP. My bf and I have been together for 5 months, and I love him but I also know that he does'nt love me...at least not in the same manner/depth that I love him. He say's that he loves me dearly like a good friend but that he's not 'in love' with me. Which really hurts because I am in love with him. Also, like your bf, mine say's that maybe "in time" he will fall 'in love' with me....but yeah, sometimes it gets me so down I just sit here wondering what am I still doing in this relationship?

I kinda think the question is; should I stay with a bf who clearly is not in love with me (like I am with him) and just break up sometime in the future OR should I break up with him now and just 'hurt' right now and get it over with....

But it is true, we can't make people love us. It's something which we just have no control over. But if we're talking about Lust, well that's a whole other topic lol.
Reply 7
There are many people in the same position as you. Just take it as a good thing that he takes those words seriously and is waiting till he means them before he says them.
You could always say them to him when you feel the need to and tell him that when you do it's just because you want to, it's not some kind of test to see if he'll say it back. There's nothing stupid about telling someone you love them. If it's true then not saying it won't make it less true.
Reply 8
It was a good few months before me and my boyfriend said we loved each other. Also, by waiting for them to say they love you isn't forcing them to as mentioned, just some people take a while to realise how much someone means to them. When my bf went to Uni i wasn't bothered if we lasted a few weeks or what, but now it has completely changed.
Anonymous
I'm in the same position at the moment though i've been with my boyfriend for almost two years now. He has stopped telling me he loves me and i have to say it or ask if i wanna hear it. The sex has almost stopped completely and i just keep thing what can i do to make him love me because i'm not feeling that he does anymore.


That's really sad. :frown: You have to talk to him, and set a few things straight ie. whether the relationship can be saved or not.
because you're probably paranoid. Sometimes us guys find it hard to express ourselves and are not so open about things. Don't worry about it. If he didn't love you you probably wouldn't be together. And it isn't a competition who loves each other the most. Chill out
Reply 11
thats exactly it. i have the same kinda problems. but ive kinda gathered guys just arent into saying stuff likethat so much, and the fact that they are with you is the real sign of love (:
dont worry about it, and just give it time. play it cool, he'll come running after you :wink: