The Student Room Group

Gay sex - does it get any easier?

Right, I know this is a bit of a crude post, but there we go.

I'm a 19 year old gay guy, and I've been with a few guys, but only ever had sex with three of them. I find it really difficult and awkward, and quite unenjoyable. [just to clarify I'm talking about when receiving]

First of all it always seems so hard to get the guys penis into me, requiring so much lube and effort, and when he does, it never seems to stay. It always seems to fall out with the slightest movement, which is obviously annoying for the other guy, as well as me.

I can only really have sex for a minute or two without then having to carry on with other stuff. I want to be able to have sex regularly and for it to work, and I want the other guy to enjoy himself too so it just annoys me. Does it get easier? Do I just need more practise?

I also still find it pretty painful, and tend to loose my erection (I'm guessing due to the pain). Does it become less painful over time?

Also just a question to gay guys; if you're with a guy do you usually/always have intercourse with them? Or would you mostly just do everything else and not have intercourse? Sometimes I feel like I can get on fine without having actual intercourse, but feel like I'm missing out on something, or depriving the guy of intercourse if he really wants it.
Reply 1
as graphic as this was i'll still reply.

some people are givers, some are takers. you clearly are not a taker, give it up as a lost cause and start giving. i know a fair few gays who refuse to do one or the other, just be another one to do that. the world needs more givers, mate.
Reply 2
Yes, it does. Well....perhaps u are doing it wrong. I mean yeah I get what is being said about giving up on a lost cause but surrender isn't always the right option...it CAN be very good, when done properly.

TIPS:

-There is NO such thing as "too much lube". Be swimming in the stuff.

-The hardest challenge on earth (ironically enough) is trying to insert a penis that isn't totally erect. Make sure his cock is as hard as possible when getting it in and make sure it stays that way...if this is not the case, perhaps its not just your fault?

-Take deep breaths, they do help.

-Masturbate. Inserting a penis when not masturbating is tricky.

-Don't be afraid to tell him to get out, go slower, go faster, go deeper or not...For more control try going on top. This means you set the agenda.

:biggrin: Hope that helps x:rolleyes:
There's not much advice I can give on the actual physical sex, but, there is no need to feel pressured into sex if you don't really want it. You might think you are depriving the other guy of intercourse but have you ever talked things through with him to voice your concerns before you go ahead?
I'm not gay, or male, so have no idea about the physical aspect of the relationship... :wink:

However, I have it on good source that quite a large proportion of the (gay) male population, don't actually have intercourse.

Definitely talk to your fella about it; and try not to worry either!
Reply 5
Good points. In my surgical "this is how to insert the willy" post i did forget the emotional "don't do anything you don't want to" stuff. Cliche, but 100% true.

And most of my gay friends don't see bum sex (there I said it) as the be all and end all of sex any more than any one of the other things one can get up to. Slightly TMI i'm sure, but personally, I reserve it for special occasions. 75% of sex is in no way bottom related.
Reply 6
Firstly, I think it's great that you're willing to keep trying something even if you've had a bad experience with it. Yay for open-mindedness and hope.

However, as other people have said, it's OK to be more into giving than recieving or vice versa. I'm sure most gay men have at least a slight preference one way or the other.

But with what you're saying I just think that you haven't found the right person/position/both yet.... I think the tips in the above post are also very wise words and things to conisder.
I'm in exactly the same *ahem* position as the OP, and, as a result, I've never had anal sex properly. It's really annoying because I'm not in a relationship, so when I attempt to do it with a random guy it feels particularly awkward because I don't know them too well or feel too comfortable being naked in bed with them.

A "friend" is coming up for a couple of days in 2 weeks so guess will have to give it another go! lol
I'm the same as a lot of you. I've been with my partner for about 4 months now, and we did try to have sex a few times until we both said it was taking away from the enjoyment of being together. Its was mutual that 1. it was painful and 2. it created a lot of mess with the lube. Now we do all the other stuff instead, and we're even happier.
Just a gentle reminder that sex tips aren't allowed here, so can you lot try and refrain from going in that direction please :wink:
No offence but it's called anal/oral sex. Intercourse only applies to a man and a woman.
Reply 11
If this were a thread about straight sex it would have been shut years ago...
Reply 12
Not really - he's enquiring about pain during sex, thus it could well be a health issue.
OP I'm afraid I have no advice for you, as I've never ventured into the realm of bumfun myself, but good luck and I'm sure it will get less painful, more pleasurable in time? There's some good advice on here :smile:
have you tried anal plugs? Cos they could maybe get you used to having the feeling of something up there? I know you can buy em from ann summers... or maybe buy a vibrator/dildo and try to use that as practice if it's that important to you? Tbh i'm sure you can have way more fun without it by the sounds of your post.