The Student Room Group

Depressed.

Please keep as anon, if anyone I know uses this, they'll know who I am instantly :\

So basically, when I was 14 I started going out with a guy who was a couple of years older than me, and at first everything was ok. However, he had some depressive tendencies, and he took a lot of things out on me, usually just by having a go. This made me feel like ****, but still I stayed with him :s-smilie: and i don't know why.

Eventually, things got a lot worse. He hit me a fair few times, threatened rape, cut me with a knife.. This went on for a while, and then we broke up after about a year of being together. I know I was stupid to let it go on so long, but that's life.

Its now nearly 2 years since we broke up, and I feel so messed up. I feel completely and utterly depressed, I usually have little reason for waking up in the morning. I cry a lot, and often consider suicide. I am really paranoid, and it's resulted in me pushing people away. I know some of it is to do with my age, but I just can't stop thinking about what happened between me and him. I have never told anyone, aside from two of my close friends.

Basically, I need to get over it, but I have no idea of my route to doing this. The whole thing is really affecting my life, and I feel I need some closure. Any advice would be deeply appreciated :smile:
Reply 1
:hugs: oh hunni that is such a horrible thing to go through. well done for remaining strong thus far! i am so proud of you.

dealing with depression is unfortunately not very easy and i am sure you have realised that. its not black and white because we are all different. what i recommend is you find someone to talk to, whether its a friend, counsellor or complete stranger such as someone on tsr. its such a hard thing to do, to open and you have already done that step, so well done! if you ever want anyone to talk to, if you want, you can always pm me. ;heart;

just remember with depression it wont go away over night, unfortunately its a long and painful feeling and it just wont fade. trust me, leaving it held in just doesnt help. just keep going for little things, such as the ability to see friends, or something like that. that is what i am doing. because one day, you will be able to smile again, and trust me, it will feel so much better.

again i would like to say i am so proud of you for opening to us here. you have done a huge step in opening. well done! :hugs:

starchild, aka sitara xxx
Reply 2
Thank you for sharing with us. I'm so sorry you've been through such a horrific time. No one deserves to be treated like that. Please remember that none of this is your fault. It has nothing to do with you as a person.

It will take time for the wounds to heal but you will get there, eventually. I'm glad you've confided in your two close friends. This isn't something that you can just get over. But there is always hope.

When people have been hurt or abused like you have, we often react by pushing people (who mean well) away. This is normal and completely understandable. You need to learn to trust people again. There are people out there who would like to get to know you - people who will treat you how you deserve to be treated - with love and support.

Perhaps some sort of therapy or counselling might help you to get through this? The fact that it happened two years ago does not make your experience any less significant. Events like this often affect people later on in life. When they are actually going through it, it doesn't always hit home straight away.

Please remember that your life is precious and that you do have a future ahead of you. We are all here for you. Please feel free to post again and let us know how you are. Take care,

:hugs:,
Laus xx
Reply 3
Hi Anon, how are you feeling this evening? I hope you're OK. Hang on in there.

Laus xx
Reply 4
Thanks for your replies Laus and starchild, sharing this (if anonymously) has been a big step for me, and it's good to know people are out there :smile:

I'm seriously considering some kind of counselling or therapy, but I have no idea how to move towards this. I have had a counsellor once in the past, but he treated me like a child, and I could never speak to him about anything, so basically it was a waste of time :frown: and this was on my parents recommendations. So I don't know what to do from here :s-smilie:
Reply 5
You are more than welcome. We are always happy to help. Please feel free to contact either of us if you would like to talk. Anything you share will be in confidence.

I think it's good that you want to get counselling or therapy of some sort. That is definitely the way to go. You need to build up a good support network. I'd recommend going to your GP. If your Doctor thinks you should try medication, make sure that counselling comes with it. Medication alone will do nothing for you - you need to get to the root of the problem and work from there. It may be a painful journey but it will be worth it if it helps you to get better and move on in life. Your past does not determine your future. Please remember that.

You are so brave. You've done the hardest part. I can't promise you that this will be easy but I can tell you that seeking help is the best way forward. Isolating yourself and keeping your thoughts and feelings inside will not help you in the slightest. Thank you for having the courage to share your story. There is hope for you, sweetheart. Hang on in there and remember that there are people out there who care and want to help you get through this difficult time.

:hugs:.

Laus xx
Reply 6
I wish the OP a good day with lots of warmth and smiles.

I know what you mean about counsellors. My mother is a psychotherapist and never let me see one, and the one whom I had made really nasty comments about what i believed in personally. So I did become skeptical of them. But on the whole, counsellors are pretty good, they are trained to help support you. I mean talking to someone who knows what they are listening to and how to cope with it. I know this is just a ramble, for I am very tired and my head is in shatters.

But I like Laus, recommend you see your GP. Just talk to them about your concerns and they will take the appropriate action. Just keep going hunni, you are so brave and I am so proud of you. Again, if you want to talk, me and Laus are here for you. So please let us know how you are getting on.

:hugs: :hugs: xx
Reply 7
Hi OP, just checking up on you. How are you feeling this weekend? Have you decided what you want to do next? Sitara and I are both here for you, what ever you decide. Lots of :hugs:,

Laus xx
Reply 8
Hello again :smile:

I felt better over the weekend, and even considered that maybe I was just having a huge mood-swing about the whole thing. But yesterday I got sent home from college because I couldn't concentrate, and I feel so dreadful that I'm not going in today :frown:

To get a counsellor, would I have to tell my parents, and get them involved? Because this seems like the most logical way of going about it, but I'm really scared about telling them.
Why would you even stick with a guy who hit you once or did any of that ****? Surely once would have been enough for you to leave him, IT SHOULD NEVER HAPPEN AND IS NOT NORMAL.
Hi OP,

Just like Laus and Sitara I'm here for you - and you have done so much already by opening up on here. I'm going through a bit of a rough patch at the moment too, and I know how it feels when you think you've just had a huge mood-swing... but I think talking to someone would definitely be the best idea.

If you're not sure about going to see your GP, is there anyone at your college (teacher etc) who you get along really well with and you feel you could talk to? Because often your college will have links with the local council and would be able to put you in touch with a counsellor that way.

About telling your parents - it's totally up to you. If you chose to you could go through this all without telling them, but although it may seem scary to tell your parents what you've been through, it might be the better thing to do as I'm sure that they'll just want to help you too.

:hugs: If you ever want to talk just PM me :smile:
Seriously get counselling, they help :smile:
An im feel so sorry for you having to deal with that ******* :hugs:
Reply 12
hey i'm a bloke but after that i understand we can be real ****s! but not all of us are like that.

Your young and a little messed up coz of him, you should try a little counselling getting help from a complete stranger who you know you will only see if you want and its all confidential really really helps all they do is listen and listen and listen and only then will they give some advice and i think there listening is such a big help it lets you rid yourself of all the things you dont want.

hope you feel better!
Anonymous
Hello again :smile:

I felt better over the weekend, and even considered that maybe I was just having a huge mood-swing about the whole thing. But yesterday I got sent home from college because I couldn't concentrate, and I feel so dreadful that I'm not going in today :frown:

To get a counsellor, would I have to tell my parents, and get them involved? Because this seems like the most logical way of going about it, but I'm really scared about telling them.


No, you would not need to tell your parents. I had to see counsellors without my parents knowing because they didn't want me to see one. What you really need to do is see a doctor, ASAP, and they can refer you on to someone, if you are referred from your doctor you should be offered counselling for free, or at least less than the normal rate (should you decide to go for something in the private practice). Just take it easy dear, don't rush expecting to feel better, because to be quite honest, it isn't that easy. You wont feel better for most of the time, but when you will start to see a counsellor, things should start to work out. Sitara xx
Anonymous
Hello again :smile:

I felt better over the weekend, and even considered that maybe I was just having a huge mood-swing about the whole thing. But yesterday I got sent home from college because I couldn't concentrate, and I feel so dreadful that I'm not going in today :frown:

To get a counsellor, would I have to tell my parents, and get them involved? Because this seems like the most logical way of going about it, but I'm really scared about telling them.

:hugs: Counselling is totally confidential, and if you're over 16 your parents don't have to know or be involved at all. You can get referred to a counsellor through your GP, or there may be a young people's service in your town or city that offers free and confidential counselling.
That said, depression lifts gradually -- it doesn't disappear overnight. Learning to trust other people again after you've been abused takes a long time as well, but that, too, improves over time. Focussing on something else can be helpful -- exercise (which also helps alleviate depressive symptoms), hobbies, listening to music or reading can be helpful. Also, getting out and seeing people -- friends, family, whatever -- is invaluable. Much as you feel like pushing people away, in the long run it will only make you feel more depressed.
I've been in this situation, and awful as it is, it does get better. It honestly does.
Reply 15
Holty-Dave
Why would you even stick with a guy who hit you once or did any of that ****? Surely once would have been enough for you to leave him, IT SHOULD NEVER HAPPEN AND IS NOT NORMAL.

I'm sure the OP appreciates what you are saying but it's a lot easier said than done even in the worst circumstances.
Lilian
I'm sure the OP appreciates what you are saying but it's not a lot easier said than done even in the worst circumstances.

Agreed.
It's very, very hard to leave an abusive relationship, even when you're aware that you're being abused.
Reply 17
Francophobia
Agreed.
It's very, very hard to leave an abusive relationship, even when you're aware that you're being abused.

minus the not after it's lol silly me
but it is probably one of the most difficult things I've personally done as well
Reply 18
Hi OP, everyone here has put forward really good advice. What ever help you receive you will always have TSR to turn to. I'm sorry you've been exposed to such cruelty and abuse. I wish I could help you more... it sickens me to think that another human being could treat you like that. Don't let this horrendous experience rob you of your self-worth. You still have the potential to do well in life and what has happened in your past does not have to determine your future. Remember that none of this is your fault. You didn't deserve to be treated like this. It is often hard for an abused person to live a guilt free life. I don't know why this is... I guess it has something to do with the abuser. Never forget how special you are. You are worth more than this and you will get through this excruciating pain, eventually. Right now you might feel like there is no way out but there is always HOPE. That is one thing that no one can ever take away from you. You will learn to trust and to love eventually but these things take time. Hang on in there sweetheart.

Let us know how you get on.

Take care,

Laus :hugs:
Reply 19
Hi OP, how has your week been so far? :hugs: