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become to dependant on bf?

Well basically, I've been with my bf for just over three years. We've had up's and down's (as we all have I bet lol) Lately I've relieased I've become to dependant on him. I mean we basically live in each other pockets! we've been come so used to seeing each other every day, that now whenever one of us wants to do something alone (go see football, or go to Manchester shopping etc) we both find it really hard!

I know this isn't healthy for a relationship and I was wondering how I can change this? He's also become quite controlling in his manner (eg. if I do go out, he'll be ringing saying 'where are you, who are you with?' 'you would rather spend time with them than me I see' and then most of the time he doesn't even believe I'm really there!!!

I think it's a case of 'too much of a good thing'. We've become so used to being with each other, we seem to relay too much on each other!! I think I need to have a break (not from the reletionship as such, just from seeing him for a week or so) do you think this is a good idea?

Do you think it will things at all?

(We don't live together btw, we normally see each other in the weekday after work for a few hours and then mostly all weekend)

Any advice would be great.

thank you. x

Reply 1

sparkly_woo

2

You could go back to 'dating' -- just going out on a couple of dates a week.. this way you still keep the closeness you have but you get the space you seem to both need.

Reply 2

RaulS1987

I think the above poster made a good suggestion. On top of that you could start off with a cooldown period of say 1-2 weeks. No phoning, no msn, total lonelyness. And then you could start 'dating' like sparkly said perhaps :smile:

Seems like youre addicted to eachother. Maybe there are boyfriend-plasters or boyfriend-gum like there is for nicotine :wink:

Reply 3

sparkly_woo

2

RaulS1987

Maybe there are boyfriend-plasters or boyfriend-gum like there is for nicotine :wink:

oo wouldn't that be useful :p:

Reply 4

Hayley_2k4

OP

12

RaulS1987

Maybe there are boyfriend-plasters or boyfriend-gum like there is for nicotine :wink:

I wish

Reply 5

Drongo

2

If he's already jealous and possessive I think you're going to have to handle this carefully. Doesn't sound like he'll like it one bit nor believe your reasons. But all the more reason for you to do it. You must have your space AND have a bf that supports this.

Reply 6

username47781

20

Both people need space in a relationship, if you are too dependant on each other it will cause arguments and problems. He needs to stop being controlling, you both need friends outside the relationship.

Reply 7

Georgiahoneybee

1

I think its good that you can recognise this and are willing to do something about it. I've got friends in a relationship which sounds very similar, who both refuse to see that their behaviour isn't "healthy" if you like.
Have you talked to him about this? Does he feel the same way? Or if he doesn't, does he at least understand?
I agree with the above suggestions. I know it'll be difficult, but I think a week or so of doing your own things will really help. It'll help you both remember that you do lead individual lives outside of the relationship. Also when you do see each other after this time apart, you'll appreciate seeing each other a lot more.
Best of luck.

OP

Thank you all. x

hmm, I'm not sure I agree! I think every relationship is different, but I spend all of my time with my boyf, we don't live together but stay at each others every night (and i mean every), and the only time we aren't together is when we are at uni/college or working, and even then we see each other as soon as that's finished! I'm not saying everyone should be like that but it works for us!

I think it's a case of talking to your boyf and figuring out what you both want from a relationship and what is good for you and what isn't, (and comprimise if you have different ideas).

I don't think you need to go cold turkey and take a break, just talk about it!

Good luck xx

Reply 10

RaulS1987

Its not just whether its something you want in a relationship imo. Relationships dont always last. Look at the divorce rate, and thats when people married and made a commitment. This is boyfriending and girlfriending. I have seen plenty of posts in the forum already of people who break up and feel a void, dont know what to do, dont feel happy in life, cant be happy single, cant get over their ex-partner etc.

Having a life outside your relationship will smoothen this out, you will have friends to fall back on, a social life to fall back on etc.

Besides this, living on eachothers lip doesn't workout long-term. Its once again my opinion. But I do believe that if you want to stay together long term you have to learn to do your own things. Especially when you start living together and move beyond the point of just dating. It's like putting two mice in a small cage. People aren't meant to live on top of each other for long durations, it'll make them grumpy and aggressive :wink:

Reply 11

Angrybanana

11

RaulS1987

Its not just whether its something you want in a relationship imo. Relationships dont always last. Look at the divorce rate, and thats when people married and made a commitment. This is boyfriending and girlfriending. I have seen plenty of posts in the forum already of people who break up and feel a void, dont know what to do, dont feel happy in life, cant be happy single, cant get over their ex-partner etc.

Having a life outside your relationship will smoothen this out, you will have friends to fall back on, a social life to fall back on etc.

Besides this, living on eachothers lip doesn't workout long-term. Its once again my opinion. But I do believe that if you want to stay together long term you have to learn to do your own things. Especially when you start living together and move beyond the point of just dating. It's like putting two mice in a small cage. People aren't meant to live on top of each other for long durations, it'll make them grumpy and aggressive :wink:

Totally agree with this one. Some people find it easy to drop their friends when they're in a relationship, but they are the ones who would help you move on should your relationship fail.

Reply 12

FluffyDinosaur

me and my gf are in EXACTLY the same situation , weve decided were still going to be in a relationship as normal , but just spend more time with friends etc , at 1st i thought it would b hard , but its gtin easier... xx

become to dependant on bf?

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