I don't want to/can't do anything

Im almost 22 and have had panic attacks since I was 18, got sick of uni and the same old 'yay I went in a lecture beat the panic' then the next day it all starts all over again, getting on the bus being anxious, thinking something bad is going to happen and the panicking in the lecture and then being proud of myself for sticking it out. Then the next day the same old routine, sometimes I turned around and went home as I couldn't face it but when I did manage to go in I was proud of myself.

I got sick of all this so quit uni, got a weekend job but got sacked becuase I wasn't making sandwiches fast enough, lots of people were being made redundant at the same time also. Basically every since Ive been 19 Ive just been up all night (till like 5 am its when I feel my best) and in bed until 2.00 pm sometimes later. I have on countless times stayed up all night and the following day and promised myself to get my routine beack to normal, it works for a week and then I fall back into the nocturnal routine. I think it might be because I feel crap and anxious in the morning at the thought of a long day (even though I do nothing) Anyway all my family understandably don't understand why Im not getting a job, even my aunt who is a mental health nurse and knows I have panic attacks says im lazy and attention seeking, not to my face but Ive heard her saying it to my mum.

The thing is I don't think it is just the anxiety, I just don't have any goals or anything :confused:

I do have wims like last year I wanted to do audiology but this year im thinking why the hell did I want to do that. The only thing I do now is play football 3 times a week and I have to force myself to go their and im scared of quiting this as if I do I will just be a total loser.

I can't see a future for myself as I can't handle life, my mum says that everyone feels like I do but they just get on with it but I can't work out how they cope with it?? Ive done several things since I left uni and end up quiting everything, I took driving lessons and was fine when i started but then started getting anxious, not becasue of the drivig but because I though I was going to be sick and faint. I then quit and did some voluntary work once a week for 5 months and have now got a new job to start in December and my guess is that im going to quit this too. I really don't want to but Ive quit everything else so why would this be different?

It feels like I bring the panic on myself and my subconcious doesn't want me to achieve anything. I was fine in high school but for the last 4 years Ive been a mess and hate myself for not being able to cope or being lazy if thats the reason.

Reply 1

username47781

I think you need to visit your GP so he can refer you to someone who can help.

Reply 2

Set yourself some goals. It sounds like you're living off your family at the moment - why not try to pay them some rent, or learn to cook and cook them a really lovely meal, or take them somewhere they'd like to go? It'd give you a reason to hold onto a job and a goal to work towards.

You may think they're being unsympathetic, but you're very lucky to get all that help from them - you should see a GP, if not for yourself for them, and get yourself sorted out.

And the pessimism can't help either - convincing yourself you're going to quit your new job before you've even started is ridiculous! Write down all the positive things it will bring you (new friends, money, skills etc as well as a reason to sort out your sleeping pattern!), set yourself targets for being promoted/ gaining experience to move to a different job at some point.

I don't mean to be harsh, but you have to want to help yourself. Get a professional opinion by all means, it sounds like you may have a combination of anxiety and depression which some counselling could help sort out, but in the end you have to hope and believe that things will get better.

Reply 3

puppy

I feel exactly the same, you think you achieve small things each day but you don't and you never ever get better and it's totally soul destroying. I'm beginning to give up hoping I'll get better and be able to have a job and a 'normal' life. I don't really have any advice to offer since I can't even sort my own life out at the moment but I couldn't help posting to say how similar to me you sound.

Reply 4

puppy

You may think they're being unsympathetic, but you're very lucky to get all that help from them - you should see a GP, if not for yourself for them, and get yourself sorted out.

That's really not a very considerate thing to say, the last reason you should ever try to get over something is for someone else, otherwise you never get any personal motivation to do anything if all you ever do is please others. The OP needs to find their own way of dealing and coping and making their life better for their own enjoyment and personal happiness, not for their friends and family.

And what's the GP going to do? Wave a magic wand? The sad truth is that a lot of people don't ever fully recover from anxiety and it remains a part of their life that they have to learn to live with, you can't go around telling people that they'll get better if they hope and believe it enough because it's simply not true. I agree that you need hope and belief to get on with your life but they're just buzz words, they won't magically cure your anxiety.

Reply 5

Anonymous #1

I know not a lot of people get help from their family and Ive been through years of being yelled at every night by both parents and being dragged out the house by my dad because he can't stand the sight of me sitting there. He says he doesn't know what to say to collegues at work when they ask what im up too. Strangely enough they are both now ok with me and say they have washed their hands with me and don't care what I do, but at least they are letting me live with them like I have done all my life. It sounds like I have loads of self pity and I did have but now im just very angry at myself and frustrated that this is part of my personality. I tell myself that its not going t last all my life and it will go away when I build my confidence up, but from what Ive heard this type of thing lasts a life time and If it does then i don't even want to bother coping with it there is no point, its no quality of life, so im going to try one last time to get sorted and keep a job and if I still feel the same after all that hard work of battling panic etc then what the hell is the point? Though like everyone else Ive noticed I seem to be better when its hot and sunny outside in summer but in this country its mainly dull.

The strange thing is after saying all this I still wonder if everyone else feels like I do (maybe I was just too happy in my childhood and at high school) and has the same anxious/depressed feelings on and off most days but they just know how to cope with it??

Reply 6

lil_danza

I am dealing with a similar issue- though more depression than anxiety. It does sound as though you may need some form of help- considered counselling or anything like that? Panic attacks are awful to deal with, but they can be treated and improve with help...please try and reach out to your GP.