The Student Room Group

Struggling with placement stress and grief.

Hi, I'm currently in my third year and am struggling with clinical placements.

I lost my mum just over a year ago, but have recently been associating most encounters with patients with her. I first started getting upset in a tutorial about breast cancer, but just hid it and went home early. Since then I've been worrying about patients who I've seen in clinics that have been diagnosed with cancer.
On a home visit yesterday I met a 91 year old lady who was being cared for by her daughter, and even found that upsetting, as I realised I won't be able to care for my mum anymore/ feel a bit guilty that I wasn't there for her enough as I was away working before she got her diagnosis. I've found myself fighting back tears on numerous occasions, and pretty much hiding out in my room until I feel better.

I've always had doubts about medicine and whether I'm up to the degree/future work, and with exams coming up I'm not sure if it's stress about those which are affecting me as well. I'm definitely behind on revision, but am caring less and less about it.

I intercalated last year, so this has been my first real/medicine exam season without mum, so I'm not sure if it's just a reaction to that or whats going on really.

Earlier in the year I did try and speak to the medical student advisor, but didn't find her particularly helpful (think she was new to the job, so admitted she didn't know what to do in that situation), and now I'm placed in a hospital in a different city I can't make another appointment really.

Would appreciate any advice please!
I understand what you are going through. I went through something similar with my dad last year. I kept it bottled up inside me and didn't want to talk to friends at med school about it. The best advice I can give you is that you need someone for emotional support. Someone like a really close friend, partner or sibling. Someone mature, who can listen to everything on your mind and advise you appropriately. It's going to be hard but it will make you a stronger person.
Original post by Anonymous
Hi, I'm currently in my third year and am struggling with clinical placements.

I lost my mum just over a year ago, but have recently been associating most encounters with patients with her. I first started getting upset in a tutorial about breast cancer, but just hid it and went home early. Since then I've been worrying about patients who I've seen in clinics that have been diagnosed with cancer.
On a home visit yesterday I met a 91 year old lady who was being cared for by her daughter, and even found that upsetting, as I realised I won't be able to care for my mum anymore/ feel a bit guilty that I wasn't there for her enough as I was away working before she got her diagnosis. I've found myself fighting back tears on numerous occasions, and pretty much hiding out in my room until I feel better.

I've always had doubts about medicine and whether I'm up to the degree/future work, and with exams coming up I'm not sure if it's stress about those which are affecting me as well. I'm definitely behind on revision, but am caring less and less about it.

I intercalated last year, so this has been my first real/medicine exam season without mum, so I'm not sure if it's just a reaction to that or whats going on really.

Earlier in the year I did try and speak to the medical student advisor, but didn't find her particularly helpful (think she was new to the job, so admitted she didn't know what to do in that situation), and now I'm placed in a hospital in a different city I can't make another appointment really.

Would appreciate any advice please!


Hey. I'm sorry it does sound like you're having a really rough time. Grief is such a tricky thing because it can feel as though you 'should' be moving after x amount of time, but that's not necessarily the case. It can take huge periods of time for the pain to even start to fade, whilst others move on seemingly straight away. There's no hard and fast rule on how you should be feeling at this point of time.

On top of this, you're in 3rd year and starting a particularly tricky phase of your academic life. I can't comment on the rest of your personal circumstances, of course, but most of us find studying this degree is a significant, stressful burden in itself. Even without other emotional triggers, it can drive the best of us up the wall at times.

How are you feeling more generally? If you're really struggling, talking to the med school is a great start. Would you benefit from some time out to re-evaluate where you stand on things? On top of that, do you think it would it be helpful for you to talk to your GP? My worry is that if you're losing interest, and then also being constantly reminded of your mum through your patients, it's going to be tricky to push it to one side. I'm sure exam stress will be worsening things too, naturally.

I'm sorry, I don't have any hard and fast solutions, but I hope you can overcome the struggle. Feel free to reply here or via PM if you'd like to talk :smile:
Reply 3
Original post by mrhedgehog
I understand what you are going through. I went through something similar with my dad last year. I kept it bottled up inside me and didn't want to talk to friends at med school about it. The best advice I can give you is that you need someone for emotional support. Someone like a really close friend, partner or sibling. Someone mature, who can listen to everything on your mind and advise you appropriately. It's going to be hard but it will make you a stronger person.


Thanks for this, really appreciate your reply. Thankfully I managed to speak to my sisters and a few friends about it this weekend and am feeling quite a bit better.
Reply 4
Original post by MJK91
Hey. I'm sorry it does sound like you're having a really rough time. Grief is such a tricky thing because it can feel as though you 'should' be moving after x amount of time, but that's not necessarily the case. It can take huge periods of time for the pain to even start to fade, whilst others move on seemingly straight away. There's no hard and fast rule on how you should be feeling at this point of time.

On top of this, you're in 3rd year and starting a particularly tricky phase of your academic life. I can't comment on the rest of your personal circumstances, of course, but most of us find studying this degree is a significant, stressful burden in itself. Even without other emotional triggers, it can drive the best of us up the wall at times.

How are you feeling more generally? If you're really struggling, talking to the med school is a great start. Would you benefit from some time out to re-evaluate where you stand on things? On top of that, do you think it would it be helpful for you to talk to your GP? My worry is that if you're losing interest, and then also being constantly reminded of your mum through your patients, it's going to be tricky to push it to one side. I'm sure exam stress will be worsening things too, naturally.

I'm sorry, I don't have any hard and fast solutions, but I hope you can overcome the struggle. Feel free to reply here or via PM if you'd like to talk :smile:


Outside of medicine things are pretty good right now, the rest of my family seems to be doing really well and i've been able to do fun things on the weekend (ignoring the fact that exams are a month away..)

My concern with taking time out is that I won't ever actually decide what I want to do. I'm tempted to just give this week a go, see what happens then maybe email someone at the medical school if I have another bad week.

Thank you so much for your reply, I really appreciate it.
I completely empathise (been in the exact same scenario!), so firstly - you're not abnormal or anything! I start off with this because it's what I often think about myself. Anyway, when I read your post, it really seemed that you hadn't 100% dealt with everything. You're holding onto the guilt etc. and negative emotions beyond the death itself. I think once you deal with that, it'll get better with time.

And I wouldn't say you're not good enough to be a medic just because you've become emotional on these occasions. Quite frankly, most medical students have not gone through what we have, so it's only natural that these things affect us more. If anything, I think it'll make me a better doctor, as obviously it helps with empathy with anyone who's lost a parent/cancer patients/chronic illnesses.

I'd suggest you speak to whoever is close to you (family, friends) and really start the healing process if you haven't already. Go to your GP if you want to be referred to CBT or something (if you think you seem depressed e.g. not enjoying things you'd usually enjoy and have low mood).

Also, quit doubting yourself. If you fracture your ankle, you're going to walk a bit slower than everyone else, right? But then, it'll heal and you'll be on top form! It's the same with this.

Exam stress is absolutely normal and, for me, made it SO HARD for me to deal with my own issues because everyone was freaking out about exams (including me). So, I just kept it out of my mind (which was really bad in the long term, as I ended up getting depressed). I cannot stress the importance of a good support network - and hanging out with people who actually respect and care for you. Bad company made the situation a whole lot worse for me too.

If you need someone random to speak to here, then feel free to PM me! I'd be more than happy to listen :smile: I'm not always active though, but will try my best :smile:

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