Hi, I'm currently in my third year and am struggling with clinical placements.
I lost my mum just over a year ago, but have recently been associating most encounters with patients with her. I first started getting upset in a tutorial about breast cancer, but just hid it and went home early. Since then I've been worrying about patients who I've seen in clinics that have been diagnosed with cancer.
On a home visit yesterday I met a 91 year old lady who was being cared for by her daughter, and even found that upsetting, as I realised I won't be able to care for my mum anymore/ feel a bit guilty that I wasn't there for her enough as I was away working before she got her diagnosis. I've found myself fighting back tears on numerous occasions, and pretty much hiding out in my room until I feel better.
I've always had doubts about medicine and whether I'm up to the degree/future work, and with exams coming up I'm not sure if it's stress about those which are affecting me as well. I'm definitely behind on revision, but am caring less and less about it.
I intercalated last year, so this has been my first real/medicine exam season without mum, so I'm not sure if it's just a reaction to that or whats going on really.
Earlier in the year I did try and speak to the medical student advisor, but didn't find her particularly helpful (think she was new to the job, so admitted she didn't know what to do in that situation), and now I'm placed in a hospital in a different city I can't make another appointment really.
Would appreciate any advice please!