LeCroissant's surviving exam season journal

I hope it is okay for me to make this!

I thought it would be a good idea to keep a journal of some sort to track how I cope during exam season. The main reason behind this is that I want to prove to myself that I can get through all of my exams, despite having poor mental health. Yes, I have poor mental health right now. That's a difficult thing for me to admit, especially to people in real-life. As a result, I do not really have anyone to talk to about this apart from a couple of close friends who are going through a similar thing.
Hopefully, writing about my thoughts and feelings here every day until my last exam has finished (the 29th of June) will be of some help!



The Year 12s have now left sixth form so that they can begin study leave- which means exam season has officially started! I am in Year 13 so my study leave doesn't start for another two weeks.
My first lesson of the day was double Psychology. We got our Paper 3 mock exam papers back and I got an A* in the Relationships section, a B in the Schizophrenia section, and Es in the Issues & Debates and Forensics section. This gave me a high C overall, which I'm definitely not happy with. I didn't revise much for it though so I'm not too upset. For the rest of the lesson, we just got on with our own revision but I couldn't really concentrate because I felt really anxious about the Physics mock exam I would have in the afternoon.

This is where we get onto my mental health (or lack of mental health should we say). For the past few years, I have been an anxious person. However, in the past couple of months , it has gotten much, much worse. I have learnt to cope with worrying about practically everything, but now all of a sudden, I am experiencing dizzy spells, headaches, shakiness, sweating, even fainting and chest pains that feel like heart attacks! I have been to the doctors twice in the past (when I wasn't as bad) and they basically didn't see me as a cause for concern. Even though now, I know I need help, I can't bring myself to go to the doctors because I'm worried they'll say there's nothing wrong with me. There's a part of me that thinks I don't even have anxiety, and that I'm just weak and pathetic.
Anyway, back to today! I had a Paper 2 mock exam for Physics in the afternoon. It went better than I expected, since I managed to attempt every question despite not feeling confident in all of them. In the Paper 1 mock exam last week, I left most of the paper blank and left early because I felt like bursting into tears. Physics is definitely the most anxiety-inducing subject for me because I have not been doing well in it all year. I'm usually the type of person who sees anything below an A as a fail (which is a TERRIBLE mindset!!), so consistently getting Ds, Es and Us in Physics is difficult for me to deal with.

Since getting home from sixth form, I have just been relaxing by listening to music and watching Youtube videos. I have decided to set Friday evenings asside as a time where I can chill out without doing any revision.
My plans for the rest of the evening are:
- Tidy my room (whilst listening to Three Days Grace ) since there are menacing piles of revision booklets everywhere that need organising.
- Write lists of all the topics I need to revise for Physics and Maths. I have already been revising but making lists makes me feel more in control idk.

Mood: 4/10 . Idk I just feel generally low today.

I'm glad I did it, although the film was quite strange (The Girl On The Train).

Haha as nice as it sounds, it's probably best if you don't have an invigilator who you have a crush on because every time they walk past your desk (bearing in mind the aisles are quite narrow ), you focus on them instead of the exam.

Will reply in morning detail later but electricity (well any, but that especially) I found it a lot easier to just learn the formulae, and apply these to all the questions words or not. It's a pain but a lot easier than trying to get your head round the theory. Or was for me anyway

I know I'm a bit late but I only just came across this thread I found this interesting to read and relatable because I have anxiety too

I'll check this thread from time to time now. I've subscribed.

Good luck with your exams!

Ahhhhh, I was advised not to watch that film but I've seen the adverts for it. Hope it didn't weird you out too much

Hope you're having a good day today Try not to fret too much about that 19%

That's okay, I'm glad that you found it interesting haha . Anxiety is horrible- I wish there was a way to magically cure it.

Thanks for subscribing .

At least the end is nigh, that's the only thing that can really help to pull you through the exams.

Also something else to add, AS results don't really 'matter' anymore, and predicted grades hold far more weighting. I know people in my year who got results such as DEEU, BCCE, even UUUU who got all/almost all of their offers. It really helped me with the huge amount of stress.

Oops just realised I forgot to wish you well for tomorrow, @LeCroissant ! Hope it goes OK

I really feel for you with regards to feeling like you're making everything up. I had that constant thought just a short while ago and it really made me question everything. It's a bit of a complicated situation as there is almost no way to convince yourself that you're not making it up, as really it's just your brain questioning itself. I'd echo what TLG said above though, it is just your brain fooling you and your problems are most definitely real and genuine. Even if you think that they're made up, they're still problematic if it bothers you this much.

Best of luck for the outpatient appointment tomorrow, I felt apprehensive for every single one of my appointments!

(Oh and also I apologise for the blunder I made yesterday in thinking that you are sitting AS exams, it's obvious that you're revising A2 content so I just had a bit of a silly moment! )

So this morning I had my psychiatrist appointment or whatever it's called. It didn't go badly but I wouldn't say it went well either, since I still left with no answers. I might be referred to their team, or I might be referred to a different team, or I might be recommended some medication (what's the point in my GP referring me to them if that's all they're going to do?) or I might even just be given some self referral numbers. I won't find out for at least two weeks but if they just end up telling me to self refer to somewhere else, I'm literally going to give up.

I also endured two unpleasant experiences as I walked home. Firstly, a really chavvy boy felt the need to shout something in my face, although I couldn't understand his accent. Secondly, a really creepy boy/man stared at me when I walked past him and he starting following me home. I was in a really bad state of mind after my appointment so maybe I misinterpreted the situation but I genuinely thought his intention was to assault or even murder me.
When I got home, I went to my parents' room because I felt safest in there and I just lay motionless on the floor for four hours with 999 typed on my phone until my mum got home from work. I was too scared to move in case the creepy man had got into my house (even though it is impossible to open our doors from the outside without a key).

It is now nearly 4pm and I've realised that I've done no revision. I think I'll just do a few hours after dinner because I've got better at working at night recently.

I will add more to this post later but I just thought I'd write most of it now whilst I'm not busy.