Is there something wrong with me?

Yeah, I'm being silly. This just needs to go behind me.

RaulS1987

I would be honest and tell her how you feel and how you feel about her leading you on and playing with your feelings. And how you find the things she said offensive. but dont do it hate filled, do it with a clear calm mind. And only do it if you will accept it if she gets mad/upset and disagrees and you get in a fight and she will ignore you. Because if you succumb then and apologize for the sake of patching up you will have lost all self-respect. But thats coming from my own experience :P

Sometimes people who we consider our close friends, can change, or show their true colors after awhile. And all you can do is accept it and move on.

That being said, you must also accept the fact she isnt interested in you and move on. And not feel spite or jealousy towards the people she dates. And not pressure her because of the way you feel towards her and give her some room/privacy/respect. Stop stalking her. Let her go. Erase her out of your life for a while if you must. Just tell her that you are struggling with your feelings and would feel it was better if you went your own way for a while. Delete her from facebook, dont call or text her, etc.

And no i don't think there is anything wrong with you, lost or mis-guided/directed perhaps :wink:

Reply 2

Ink

To be perfectly honest, if I were that girl and I read this, I would be really freaked out and probably think you were a bit psycho.

I've met other guys like you. I'm not sure I'd say there is "something wrong with you", but you need to move on. It doesn't sound like love - more like an unhealthy bitter obsession.

If you want to remain friends with her, don't tell her "how you really feel" - because the way you feel is unreasonable. So what - she liked you at one point and changed her mind. It's over. It was months ago. She is entitled to date who she wants. She is entitled to make her own mistakes. She owes nothing to you. Stop looking at her facebook. Stop caring what she does with other guys. Distance yourself from her if you must. Find someone else to moon over, but for the love of God, don't get this uber-possessive and demand to know "why they won't give you a chance". Utter turn-off.

Reply 3

BluesMan

Bottom line - your not her boyfriend and never will be. Tell her you cant hang out with her for a while until you feel like your totally over it. Find someone else. Do whatever it takes. Ignor her.

Believe it or not your doing it all to yourself, your the only one to blame for the obsession. Its scary how much this sounds like me a few months ago. I was a bit obsessed with someone, but im 80% of the way over it, and I have another gf. Life gets better when you move on. Just get the ball rolling initially rather then wallowing in self pity.

Reply 4

angelpie

with regards to the last paragraph of the original post I think you sound completely normal. I hurts to see someone you like happy with someone else, and seeing as it was on facebook it must have felt like it was in your face.

Reply 5

Anonymous #1

I was in a situation quite similar to this a couple of months or so ago.

My advice would be to cut her out your life completely, at least until you stop wanting to be with her. I know you've said that you're not too amenable to this suggestion, but what have you got to lose? In your own words, seeing her makes you 'extremely depressed', so what are you gaining from remaining friends? Possibly you still quite like her as a person, and that's understandable. But you each want something radically different from the relationship, and I don't think a healthy, equitable friendship can be maintained in that sort of situation.

You're right in saying that you might not get over this until you find someone else to direct your attentions towards. And that almost certainly WILL happen , no matter what it seems like right now. There have been a few times when I've had thoughts along the lines of 'nope, no-one will ever match her'. But I've always been proven wrong. It's pretty much necessarily an over-reaction because, i) everyone has flaws and ii) there are lots of people out there, some of whom are really, really ace.

So, yeah, my advice is to avoid doing anything that makes you think about her. Slowly, you'll get over it. All in time. And when you've done that, she'll still be there, quite possibly ready to resume a far less draining, difficult sort of friendship.

Reply 6

L i b

Firstly, realise that this attraction is not healthy. You should not be so dependent on a person that their turning you down leads to this. If you were actually in a relationship, she'd have you wrapped around her finger - you'd cease to be an independent person, which is what is required to actually love someone properly.

Hopefully after realising the hopelessness and pointlessness of dwelling on this attraction that really never could or should've been in the first place, you will be able to move on. Often this seems somewhat unrealistic if you have a rather insular group of friends, so the key here is to make a point of meeting new people regularly. As such, you'll begin to see the truth in the old 'plenty more fish in the sea' expression.

This is probably my most constructive post on TSR, ever. Eurgh.

Reply 7

L i b

Anonymous

There have been a few times when I've had thoughts along the lines of 'nope, no-one will ever match her'. But I've always been proven wrong. It's pretty much necessarily an over-reaction because, i) everyone has flaws and ii) there are lots of people out there, some of whom are really, really ace.

Indeed, it seems in these cases that the object of affection in question is rarely as overwhelmingly attractive as the affectee believes at the time. In this case, I think it's basically being close to a girl + moderate physical desire = all this rubbish. It really could be anyone. The OP needs to become more discriminating, but that can only be on the basis of actually creating solid connections with some new members of the female species.

Reply 8

RaulS1987

Dont say **** like that. Dont be all sussy over it and emotional. Be a man! Theres plenty of other fish in the sea. As cruel as this sound, and as much I can understand you from own experiences, you will come to see this once you get over her :wink:

Itll be a good experience to have.