I'm 17, He's 40.

Before I go on, please don't judge me, I never intended to get myself into this situation.

OK, I joined this group a couple of months ago. Its made up of half adults and half 16-18yr olds. There's this guy there who I get the impression likes me, but being that much older than me (I'm 17, he's 40), I never thought he'd do anything, I honestly thought he was just being friendly to me. He's a great guy, and certainly doesnt look his age! I met up with a few of the people from the group the other night, and his daughter (13) was there. I was shocked to see her to be honest, I didnt realise he had any children. She doesnt live with him, him and his wife split years ago and she just comes down for the weekend every so often. Anyway, the whole evening she kept calling me 'daddy's girlfriend', which I thought was a bit odd at the time, especially when I've never suggested anything like that to him. There are things he said which, looking back, were strange, but he never made any moves on me. Once I got back, he texted me saying he'd enjoyed my company and the next day, asked if I wanted to meet up during the week for a drink. I told him that I thought it was a bit inappropriate, and he replyed saying he understood.

I just don't know what to do, I don't know whether I did the right thing saying that. I want to be friends with him but at the same time I don't want him to think of me in that way, he's a lot older than me and I don't want to put myself in that situation. I just want to stop anything now before it gets too far out of hand.

Please help! x

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Reply 1

trinkets

You did the right thing. End of.

Reply 2

Kagutsuchi

;yes;

Ick! Now I'm not one to disapprove of a reasonable age gap, but 23 years is far too much. It's a bit sick to think you could easily be his daughter and doing anything with him seems very inappropriate. If you want to remain friends with him then do so, but don't get into a situation where the two of you are alone or accept any invitations to go for a drink. He clearly has a bit of an agenda.

Reply 5

username47781

I would say you did the right thing.

Reply 6

Evenstar

If he thinks of you in that way (which he obviously does) it's just never going to work being friends because he has his own agenda i.e. getting with you.
Unless you actually fancy him too, walk away now before it gets messy.

Reply 7

RaulS1987

Crap he got a 13 year old daughter and is trying to get it on with a 17 year old. Thats just sick imo.

Reply 8

Dionysus

It depends on the circumstances, really. It does sound like he's not predatory or anything since he said he understood. If you do like him, think about it carefully. If not, stay out of it.

Reply 9

dumbdunc

Yuk. Dirty middle aged man.

Reply 10

iaiin

What is it about teenage girls and being completely blind to what everyone else sees when it comes to pervy middle aged men?

Reply 11

D-Day

There's a line at being able to double ones age and still be younger than the other person :s:

Reply 12

prettygreeneyes99

I think if say in 10 years time you met someone 23 years older than you, then it probably wouldnt be such a problem. But see it from other people's point of view, your technically still a child, whereas he's closer to getting his pension rather than being a teenager. Plus, this is the one thing I dont understand about huge age gap relationships - what could you possibly have to talk about? I know when I was 17 I was just into pop music, hollyoaks and clothes shopping.. what part of that could a 40 year old relate to??

Reply 13

Ironic_

I agree with everyone else. I'm 21 and my father is 40 so a 40 year old hitting on me would creep me out now, nevermind 4 years ago! Even more so because of the kid, I mean lets do some wild speculation here and say you got with this guy and married him. You'd be the stepmother of someone only four years your junior. What on earth would that be saying to the kid? It's lunacy and you're best out of it.

Reply 14

randdom

You have to do what is right for you and if you don't want a relationship with this man or he makes you feel uncomfortable then you were right to tell him this.

Reply 15

Trigger

Dont you have any mates of your own age. Its very starnge a 40 year old man would find hanging around with teenagers and kids ok.

Reply 16

Kater Murr

Dionysus

It depends on the circumstances, really. It does sound like he's not predatory or anything since he said he understood. If you do like him, think about it carefully. If not, stay out of it.

Exactly.

Reply 17

Anonymous #1

Thanks for all your advice, you've helped me to see how serious this is. I did question my actions to begin with, but only because I wasnt sure if he was just being friendly and I'd made him feel like a pedo.

Of course I don't want to start a relationship with him, for all the reasons people have pointed out. The age gap is far too big. I was very creaped out when he suggested it! And I much prefer to hang out with friends my own age, there's no pressure there and I can relate to them better.

What I can't understand is why he'd want to hang out with me, he's a nice bloke, there would probably be plenty of women his own age who would be interested. Maybe I'm just too naive to think that everyone has good intentions.

He hasnt spoken to me since I blew him off, and I'm not going to try anything. I realise his intentions now so I'll be careful.

Thankyou again x

Reply 18

Lorena

There are places (where the age of consent is 18) where such behaviour would be considered paedophilic.